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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

13 yr old DD rolling up school skirt

80 replies

vdbfamily · 21/04/2016 20:11

Advice please.
My 13 year old DD is 6' tall . Her school uniform is a navy pleated skirt with a flat panel first from waistband and then pleats from below hip level. She hates the panel so rolls the skirt over at the top. This puts it as several inches above the knee. I ask her daily to unroll it, school ask her most days to sort it out. School rang DH this week to say they would escalate the issue if she kept disobeying. I have removed her phone and said she will not get it back until she conforms. She sys everyone else does it and you get teased and bullied if you don't. I suspect hers is more obvious as she is so tall so far too much thigh showing. Apart from this she is being fairly well behaved. When I got home today from work she had cooked us all tea,walked the dog and got the washing in. I gave her a big hug and said thanks and then noticed the wretched skirt hoiked up. It is making such a bad atmosphere and I really feel at a loss as to how to explain to her that she just has to follow school rules. Any ideas?

OP posts:

TaintedAngel · 21/04/2016 21:26

I went to a Catholic school and my friend was stopped by a teacher for wearing socks that went over her knees and a "short" skirt. She was told not to be "one of those girls". She was disgusted at the insinuation and continued regardless.

I think as long as your DD is wearing dark tights and not bare legs so that there is no risk of unintentionally flashing anyone then let her carry on. Bigger things to worry about.

ApocalypseSlough · 21/04/2016 23:00

It really doesn't matter. All my dds went through phases of rolling up their skirts, getting into trouble for it, getting incensed at teachers saying inappropriate things and men on buses (in the daylight, with their peers ). It's a good safe training ground for knowing your boundaries and how judgy society is. Back up school and let her be.

ILikeUranus · 21/04/2016 23:20

Authority isn't always right. Let her question it. People blindly following orders are responsible for all sorts. Everyone rolls up their school skirt, it will have no bearing on her career. The biggest problem here is other people (the school) sexualising her at 13, and putting the allegedly distracted boys' education before hers. Pick your battles, be on her side with this.

cookiefiend · 21/04/2016 23:26

It's a right of passage. pick your battles. If she is otherwise a good child I would leave it, it is up to the school to worry I think. She is after all in the uniform.

Heyho111 · 21/04/2016 23:26

Don't nearly all teen daughters do that , I know I did.

LadyB49 · 21/04/2016 23:32

Yep, I did it in the early 60s.

JessicasElephant · 21/04/2016 23:37

Finally I've remembered something I did wrong in school! A small act of rebellion over a ridiculous rule.

Tell her she has to accept any sanctions by the school, let her realise that actions have consequences and then she'll grow into a perfectly reasonable adult who wouldn't risk losing their job over a dislike of uniforms. (Cos parenting is that easy )

merrymouse · 21/04/2016 23:39

maybe it's my sixth sense, but I just don't think a child who cooks tea, gets the washing in, folds it and walks the dog is going to have too many problems in the workplace.

NomDePrune · 21/04/2016 23:44

I did it in the seventies. DDs school (girls' grammar) have just introduced a compulsory skirt that has the school badge or crest embroidered on the waistband
Dd in 6th form so doesn't care

leonardthelemming · 21/04/2016 23:46

I don't really know why schools bother fighting this.

As a male teacher in an all-girls school I used to affect not to notice, and leave it to the female teachers to get agitated if they wanted to (the deputy head was well scary). We had a silly rule about socks, too. But I have a theory. Schools have these rules on purpose, so the girls can have something to rebel against without having to resort to bad stuff...

And in my experience girls that do this (all of them?) are quite happy to wear other uniforms (cadets, Scouts) with pride, so I wouldn't worry that she'll carry this over into the world of work.

TheSpottedZebra · 21/04/2016 23:52

It does show more because she's tall. And that is why I always used to get in trouble for it and y short friends did not.

Have you looked at Zara for trousers? They're often long, and ta least not too er, old fashioned.
And gap, top shop etc do long ranges, and can be good for trousers too.

If she is too tall for the sad school uniform ones, which she probably is, can you make a case for a similar pair that are not specifically uniform?

TheSpottedZebra · 21/04/2016 23:53

Ha. That was meant to say the std school uniform ones, not the sad ones. Honest.

BibbtyBobbityFeckOff · 21/04/2016 23:54

I was speaking to a friend about this earlier today!

We used to have to kneel and show that our skirt would touch the floor. Oh the memories and hurried pulling of the rolls to lower it.

Op I reached 6 ft when I was 14 and understand the clothing problems especially as I was a size 6 then. Let her roll her skirt, leave it to the school to sort it out. Either that or she needs to learn the rules of not getting caught

CointreauVersial · 21/04/2016 23:59

My DDs have exactly that style of skirt, and also do the rolling thing. I used to go mad, but I've chilled out about it a bit, and turn a blind eye to a small amount of hitching. As long as they are "decent" I don't worry (I sometimes need to intervene if they've hitched a bit too much). Now I've stopped commenting I notice they do it less!

SilverBirchWithout · 22/04/2016 00:01

I did this 45 years ago and ended up as a generally law abiding person apart from a couple of parking tickets over the years

She sounds a lovely girl, do chill about it. Maybe sympathise with her a bit about petty school uniform rules and try to find a compromise solution that she can live with.

Ditsy4 · 22/04/2016 00:07

Yes, same here for two years ( pleats) then changed school and had a shift style and everyone wore them short ... 70's.
Used to roll up the first one on the way to school then 50 yes away rolled it down and reverse on the way home!

I would sit her down and tell her what a lovely, helpful daughter she is but that you are worried about the trouble she might get into at school. Then if she carries on she will have to suffer the consequences. If that's all she gets up to you'll be lucky!

FelicityR313 · 22/04/2016 00:12

I spent 5 years of my life rolling up my A-lined ankle length skirt (hideous item). Said skirt lasted me for the 5 years, such was the length of it.

Let her get in trouble if she wants to. If she has any gumption, she'll roll it down for assembly then roll it back up! It's all about not getting caught!

Travelledtheworld · 22/04/2016 06:40

DDs high performing Grammar school changed uniform and made the girls wear a flat panel, two pleats style skirt which was deemed to be "rollproof".
It didn't work. Most of them rolled it up, just the same.
They start each year with a clampdown on skirt lengths, but give up enforcing this by the end of the first term.

Greydog · 22/04/2016 06:57

oh, this brings back memories! I was always rolling up my skirt - in the 60s! And my hair was too long, so in trouble for not tying it back. Happily several teachers (including the old bat who was PE) kept getting my name wrong "Blackdog - hair!" and I always ignored them. As Felicity says - it's not about getting caught, and I like Leonard's idea as well

laineylou · 22/04/2016 07:00

Ah she sounds lovely. DD is 14 and rolls hers up but she is a short arse so doesn't have the length of thigh which makes it more obvious.
I raise my eyebrows but only so she knows I'm nominally on the schools side...I may have mentioned that even I got into trouble for my skirt at school...

pinkcan · 22/04/2016 07:06

Think the responses are strange here. And will land you and your dd in hot water in real life.

You should back the school up at home and tell her that she needs to follow the school rules. You don't like the school rules, you leave and choose a school where you do like the rules.

Loads of girls do this, I did it. But if the school had asked me to unroll it, I would have done.

I'm sure I remember signing some sort of parent/school agreement or something like that for my kids where you agree to cooperate etc(?)

She deserves to be suspended if she repeatedly ignores rules/requests from school. Nothing to do with the clothing, everything to do with having respect for the rules of the institution.

It reminds me of the thread yesterday where the majority of the initial posters said they wouldn't curtesy to the queen. I'm no royalist, but I though it was a crappy attitude and pretty typical of MN at times, where posters are just so arrogant and have zero respect for any rules/customs that they don't like or agree with.

SnakeWitch · 22/04/2016 07:09

I rolled my skirt at 14 too, I think it's teenage law unfortunately! Fast forward nearly 20 years and I panic I will get told off at DD's swimming lesson if there are no overshoes left and I go round in my trainers She sounds sensible (and extraordinarily helpful) so I wouldn't worry about work uniform in the future. Not long til summer holidays OP!

derektheladyhamster · 22/04/2016 07:11

Is it just the panel she hates? Could you buy a longer skirt that she can roll up but isn't too obvious?

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 22/04/2016 07:11

DD started doing this from the first week at secondary.

I've reminded her about the rule repeatedly and bought skirts that comply with the uniform rules.

Then realised I was wasting my breath and told her that if she gets into trouble for it, it's her own silly fault and she'll just have to take the consequences.

SavoyCabbage · 22/04/2016 07:13

At my dd's school they pull their skirts under their nipples in the style of Simon Cowle to bypass this rule. It's not a good look.

She will just get in trouble from the school I don't see it leading to a life of rule breaking and crime. I would just let it happen.

I would try and sort the actual skirt out though as it's obviously really bothering her.

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