Can't stop worrying about 13 year old daughter

[Lenmum]

Hi I can't stop worrying about my 13 year old daughter she is a lovely well behaved clever girl with a good sense of humour, but she lacks confidence and is very quiet around other people. She spends most of her time at home and rarely socialises outside of school if I suggest that she invite a friend over or make arrangements to meet friends in the holidays she just says she can't be bothered. (She does have friends at school ). I worry that the reason she doesn't is because she is scared they will say no. She is difficult to talk to about things as she does not like to share her feeling or show her emotions. Last year she was very sociable she would go to the cinema go into town go to friends houses it was usually them inviting her but then her best friend moved away which knocked her for six and she now no longer hangs out with the Same people as last year. She says she hasn't fallen out with them just prefers this other group of friends now. I guess I am just worried that she is missing out of things and I am worried that if she doesn't start gaining confidence she's going to start having problems in later life as her communication skills aren't great either does anyone have any advice

That could have been me at 13. What would really have helped me was the reassurance that the early teens are a very short part of your life and that they do not define you: just because you haven't found the right bunch of friends at that particular stage doesn't mean you never will. I had a great time at university and my communication skills took off. I am happily married and love my work which is communication-based.

Thankyou very much and I hope you are right I think I stress about it more than she does she has a cousin in the same class as her and she is very sociable and I wish she would involve my daughter from time to time but doesn't holidays I find the hardest with trying to find things to do with her so that she is not just sat around on her iPad all day everyday but ideas are running thin she is an only child and I have no friends will girls a similar age for us to do things with

I have a 13 yo DD who I also worry a little bit about friendships, but as PP said I was also a bit the same but I became v sociable at 6th form with different people. Also I did music which helped. Does she do any out of school activities?

Ds is nearly 15 and is the same. Has a nice bunch of mates at school but rarely socialises outside of school time even though a year ago there seemed to be teens all over my house!

I've not said anything, he can figure things out himself. He actually has his best mate over today, but this is the first mate he's seen over the holidays. He does a lot of sports so I suppose he socialises then.

I mentioned it to dh and he told me to be grateful he wasn't hanging round street corners looking for trouble

I was your daughter, 20 years ago. I wasn't unhappy. Somehow I knew that once I went off to university I would 'find my tribe', and I absolutely did, I totally came out of my shell.

Honestly the worst aspect of being a loner as a teenager was knowing that my parents worried about it, and were always trying to encourage me to do things, or to 'make friends'. I did have friends at school, they just didn't translate into out-of-school friends, so I didn't socialise at weekends, or in the holidays. But I really wasn't lonely, and I would have found it much easier if my parents had been more relaxed about it.

Thanks people and I hope you are all right a about her she is such lovely well behaved girl she doesn't like to get in volved in bitchyness and isn't like your typical teenage girl into makeup and clothes and although she does have Facebook and instergram she doesn't really use them. She isn't in any clubs although I have suggested in the past but she is just not interested. So I guess I'm going to just have to wait and see how she goes

I agree just leave her to it..it's the holidays, it's for family time too and to relax and suit yourself and do other things.
I can be tempted to ask ds does he want friends over and if so ,who, etc etc , but you know he's not a baby. If my parents had gone on about this at my age I would have thought them ridiculous and over involved so I'm not entirely sure why I think of doing it myself..times have changed a lot I suppose, now parents are involved in young people's life a lot more than when I was young.
It's almost like a projected anxiety.