Is this a stupid question?

[Solittlepatience]

Ds (17) is out socialising a lot. I ask him to let me know (usually via whatsapp) if he will be home for dinner. This is, according to him, not worthy of an answer as it is a stupid question.
When asked if he would not answer the same question if his gf's mum or his Granny asked it , I was told that no-one else asks such a stupid question so the question would not arise.
Please reassure me that it is normal to ask the children to let you know if they will not be home for dinner or explain to me why it is a stupid question. I don't expect to be told far in advance but by the time I start cooking, I like to know how many I am cooking for.

No it's not a stupid question

I would simply say if you haven't text me by eg 4pm to confirm you'll be home for dinner or not I will not make you any.

God, is this something I've got to look forward to? I can see DS going hungry quite a lot if he tries this on.

that would be the last dinner I cooked for him - no need for rude disregard of you - sounds like an entitled brat who needs a few stricter rules about how to talk and treat the adults that enable him to have the life he has.

I have a 17 year old DD by the way. I know what I'm talking about!

Is he doesn't specifically tell you he's in for dinner; don't include him. He'll soon learn the question isn't half as stupid as he thinks.

Of course it's not a stupid question.
Doesn't he like to know how many people will be eating, before he starts cooking ?

It's basic manners is it not? I'd tell him you are no Longer cooking for him within the family meal.

I agree about giving him a specific time; if he hasn't messaged you, then you won't cook for him. If he misses more than two meals he says he will be there for, then you won't ever cook for him again.

To be honest if he's being so stroppy about it I would just assume the other way round - that he won't be there for dinner unless he let's you know. Then when he shows up and has to cook his own dinner he might get the message@

He's being daft (sympathies I have one too).
I'd tell him I am going to assume that if he's out when I start cooking, so not home for dinner that night (unless he tells me otherwise).
He can make his own toast.

Thank you for reassuring me.

Yup, basic manners. Completely reasonable to expect a bit of consideration. If he can't be arsed to reply, stop cooking for him and that might focus his mind a little bit.

We had a rule that dinner was usually 7 and you were expected to be home for it unless you let us know otherwise before 6pm. Later on that changed and I didn't cater for them unless they let me know they wanted dinner. I always ensured there were sandwich fillings and pizzas in but they came and went as they pleased once they were 18+ although we always knew were or who with.

Clean bedding was put in their rooms once a week and they were expected to change their beds and do their washing. Basically if it wasn't in the family laundry basket I stopped going looking for it.

absolutely basic manners.

I suggest you assume he is never in for a meal now unless he specifically asks you nicely. Stop buying anything he likes to eat, and act totally surprised when he presents himself at the dinner table....wee nyaff!

Not a stupid question at all. I expect the two of mine who are still at home, aged 22 & 18, to let me know whether are not they will be around for dinner. It's basic good manners.

I think I will take the option of assuming he is not home for dinner unless he specifically says he will be - and asks me nicely if I will cook for him, too.
Once that issue is sorted, I will move on to other behavioural problems at home which are not so easily solved. Having a bit of a nightmare with him at the moment.

Presume he's not unless he says he is and asks you to cook for him. Dont cook for him when he gets in, either.

He'll learn. The sooner the better, but in the meantime, you can cook slightly less and know that future girlfriends will be grateful!