Don't know what to do about DD
Deeplysatisfied · 04/03/2016 09:40
my DD is 17 and im really worried about her. Her father passed away November 2014 and she seemed to be dealing with it ok until I found her in her bedroom having taken an overdose in August. She spent 5 days in the hospital and had a referral to camhs however she stopped attending after 2 sessions as she called it 'pointless'. I've come to notice that she is unbelievably down all the time. She says she's fine and she won't talk to anyone. She hardly ever leaves her room and is in it 23 out of 24 hours a day. She has even dropped out of school because of how down she is. She is making up excuses for leaving school such as she doesn't like the teachers but I can see straight through her. She isn't getting bullied she is friends with everyone and has one particular group of friends who have helped her through everything. I've noticed that she's constantly bringing up diets and criticising her weight and I've noticed her skipping meals, I often have to stand and watch her make food otherwise she doesn't. She's also been looking at certain 'pro-ana' sites and watching movies about girls with eating disorders. She's not too skinny she is 5"7 and 128lb which. I hate to see her down and always upset and I'm personally worried that she's going to try hurt herself again because she doesn't talk to anyone. May I also add she has self harmed multiple times on wrists, arms and stomach. We have occasional times where she absolutely fine and on top of the world for a couple of weeks, she is hyper and full of energy and absolutely lovely but that never lasts and she eventually returns to the side of her which is like she's not my daughter anymore. She had an appointment with her GP before which I didn't go in with her to as she doesn't let me and she wasn't prescribed anything, This was in October. Could anyone give me advice?
ImperialBlether · 04/03/2016 09:43
I think she should see her doctor immediately. I would ask to speak to the doctor in advance and give them some information that she might not give them, eg the eating disorder and self harm. The poor girl sounds like she really needs help.
Readysteadyknit · 04/03/2016 09:45
No advice but . Someone with more experience will come along soon.
cosysnowydays · 04/03/2016 12:57
Hi Deeply I've just joined Mumsnet as I felt compelled to reply to you. Your daughter was me, I lost my dad at the same age and I went from being a happy teenager with good attendance at school to a very sad and lonely young woman. Please get her an appointment with GP to see what they can suggest, is there one Doctor that she is more likely to be open with? Although I would be wary of anti depressants I was prescribed these and I think they made me feel worse. I also struggled with counselling it did seem pointless the counsellor didn't seem to understand and I didn't know how I felt so how could I explain.
I really struggled attending lessons although I didn't leave my attendance was very poor.What helped me was a incredibility understanding head of year, I was allowed to do half days and wasn't called up on my lack of attendance or lack of work, this actually helped me knowing that someone understood and I wasn't going to get in trouble. Have you spoke to school and things in place to help her? At times like this it's not just about how much work you're doing it's how you feel even if she had to drop a subject?
Has she got ay hobbies she really enjoys, is passionate about? For me it was horses I was very lucky that my Mum bought me a horse after my Dad died and honestly say I don't know if I'd be here if I hadn't of had something to concentrate on. I had something of my own to love and care for, it didn't matter how bad I felt I had to get up on go down to him. I'd often walk out of school and go riding instead, no I wasn't in school but it was my therapy . If there's something she is into or showed and interest in before she lost her Dad I would suggest try getting back in to it. School is important but so is mental health and this something that really really helped me.
Also I'd suggest maybe counselling for yourself, so you know the best way to help her. My mum saw cuts on me and never asked what was wrong, she wasn't a bad mum but had so much to deal with herself she didn't know how to deal with me. Most of all be there for her, let her know she is loved all the time, which I'm sure you do anyway but I remember feeling like by the time the grief hit me my Mum was over it and didn't seem to offer a lot of comfort. Please feel free to send me a private message (sorry I don't know mumsnet only joined because of this post, but presume you can) As I remember how I felt and if my experience can help you and your daughter slightly I would be willing to share with you, as it was a horrible time.
Just to give you some hope though, I came through the other side although it has taken a long time. I now have a good job, go out a lot with friends and it doesn't control my life anymore.
Deeplysatisfied · 04/03/2016 16:40
hi all, thanks for the replies. I thought about the responses and decided it was time to take her to the GP again. She went in herself and I waited in the waiting room. She came out and told me she has been referred back to camhs and also came out with fluoxetine anti-depressants, has anyone had experience with these? I requested for the doctor to see me after with permission from DD so I went in whilst DD picked up the prescription and it became aware to me that she hasn't mentioned anything to do with the eating side of things. I didn't bring them up as I thought I'd chat to DD about it and when I did I got a slammed door in my face as she replied "if I had an eating disorder don't you think I'd be skinny" and was then told she will be starting the gym and going every day until she is skinny and at least 100lb. This really worries me. She has a healthy bmi and I'm scared she's got a problem
CalicoBlue · 05/03/2016 10:07
It sounds as if you both need help.
There is a charity called Young Minds they support children with problems and mental health. This link will take you to their bereavement page. They also have a helpline for parents.
They will be able to point you in the right direction and they have support groups for kids who have lost parents, there she can talk to others who do understand.
Musicaltheatremum · 06/03/2016 20:57
So sorry you are going through this. My husband died when my daughter and son were 18 and 16. (4 years ago) both became very depressed. It was awful. Fluoxetine is a good drug and it is used in the treatment of eating disorders so you may find that as her depression improves Her eating does too.
November 2014 is no time at all. I hope you work thought this as a family. It's really tough for them. She once said to me that "I had lost a husband but. Would never know what it was like to loose a father" which is very true. My own dad is 83 and in good health.
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