Is my son gay? Concerning behaviour.

[SimplySelena]

Hi everyone. This is my first post so I'm sorry if I've posted in the wrong forum but recently I've been slightly concerned with my son's behaviour.

I have twin boys, both turned 17 recently, and my eldest (by seconds, but will refer to him as the eldest for the sake of differentiation) is demonstrating some behaviour which is concerning me. He has a really close friend from school who we have always loved having around the house, a very polite and friendly boy. However, I saw my eldest's phone on the counter and messages were coming through fast so instinctively I had a look - to my surprise, the name of his friend was there with the horny devil emoji next to it. Now this wouldn't concern me on its own however the messages were slightly explicit to say the least, they were talking about the next time they would get 'dirty' together. I have no problem with either of my sons being gay, my DH has admitted to experimenting with guys in the past, but it is disheartening to think that he can't tell me or his father.

I asked his brother, my youngest, whether he knew anything about their friendship and he seemed very aloof and unwilling to speak to me - further raising concerns and now my eldest has been very distant with me the past couple of days as his brother has probably told him I was snooping.

Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with this situation and make him feel more comfortable with telling me? Should I just leave it?

Apologies again if this is in the wrong place.

I have never talked to my parents about sex, my desires, my initimate relationships or my adventures in exploring my secuality. I don't think that makes me odd.

Apologise for snooping and let him know you will respect his privacy.

Op, ask yourself how you would feel if someone had snopped on your phone, and read private messages of a sexual nature.

My mother snopped on me when I was a teenager, and it's still an issue go this day. I recommend you apologise, accept there are boundaries between parent and child, and give your sons space and privacy.

What ggirl said. I was 18 when doing my A-levels in my mother's house. I was very much seen as the child and my parents would certainly have been concerned if she thought I was having sex with ANYONE - and my mother was no prude. Neither was I, and nor am I now.

As it was, I certainly wasn't having sex and neither was anyone I knew. The overwhelming majority of people I met in first year in university were virgins.

I know everyone will say everything has changed in the last generation but Just Seventeen was telling me everyone was shagging then, too.

It's also slightly ridiculous that we have a situation where a 15 year old is groomed by a man and we all KNOW it's sex abuse but two years later it's all "get your beak out, it's none of your bloody business". 17 year olds can be very vulnerable.

AND fuck it anyway, Cher was really bothered when her daughter came out. It's an adjustment I'm sure, regardless of how accepting you would ultimately be about your child's sexuality.

I think that it is possible to ask your kids things like: "Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend; are you gay; is xxxx your girl/boyfriend"; without snooping or talking about sex/ desires/ what you get up to in the bedroom.

It is very natural for parents to be interested, and if you have an open relationship with your kids, these questions are not embarrassing to anyone. The child should be free to say they don't want to talk about it.