My teen is using drugs - is there any hope? Does anyone have experience with this?

[Alvah]

I am struggling with the revelation that my son has been using/experimenting with drugs over this last year. I knew about the weed, but class A drugs was a shock too hard for me. What the hell do I do?

I would be eternally grateful for the advice of anyone who has been through this, both on what to do and what not to do.

He, DS 15, is a strongly independent and stubborn boy with a cunning mind and a soft heart. He hates himself for hurting me but cannot stay away from his friends and 'all the fun'.

I hate drugs more than anything in this world and am literally facing my worst fears. I think I'd deal better with his death than this...i know that sounds awful, but that's how it feels right now.

I feel sick all the time, depressed and lost. He says he's totally fine, can handle himself and that I just need to trust him. Yeh, right.

It doesn't help there's a whole group of them from 12 years and up. They are the rebel kids, beautiful but dangerous, playing with fire and loving it.

I have left every partner who used/dabbled with drugs. But I can't leave my son...

Thank you for reading

Sorry, twin's DSD.

Are you really surprised he has been taking drugs? He sounds like he's been the 'type' of lad who would be drawn into that type of behaviour.

BTW before you all leap down my throat, I do realise that ALL different 'types' take drugs. My DC know outwardly squeaky clean med students and Oxbridge students that regularly take drugs.

OP, your comment about rebel kids who are beautiful but dangerous is REALLY peculiar even with your later explanation.

I think Lauryfairycakes advice sounds good

Does he have any social conscience? Does he mind that he is supporting organised crime? - I am sure that most 15year old would care but maybe it's worth a shot.

tangerine I wasnt trying to scare her at all, i was explexplaining experience with teenagers taking drugs.

hi....some very interesting advice for you on here.
I can only help you by telling you what helped for me and my ds. he sounds very similar to yours.
My son thankfully agreed to see cahms as he was self harming and very down....which he now admits was because of the drugs. he is on medication to help with this and has helped alot.
lots have said about tough love, which i do agree with to a certain extent, but be careful because you can make him feel like a caged animal and he will just erupt and my lash out. my son did.
im cutting a very long story short but, it all came to a head with my ds and he was left with the ultimation of either helping me sort him out and get help, or go live at the ymca. he sees a youth support worker and she backed me up with this and got all the forms needed. dont get me wrong, i didnt want him to go, but something had to change and i would have let him go. i told him the terms and conditions of living in my house and if he wasnt willing to comply, then he would have to leave. this is the shock he needed. he saw a drug worker and i also random drug test him at home.
the last two years have been a nightmare, but i can tell you honestly, it will get better.....although you think it never will at the time.
the hardest and most frustrating thing is getting them to agree to get help, cos unless they do....it makes it very difficult.
i genuinely hope he sees the light and agrees to get help

Not all drugs are the same though.

The behaviour you describe doesn't sound like typical MDMA use at all.

If the teenagers you were describing were taking drugs different to MDMA then it's irrelevant scaremongering IMO.

Thanks again to everyone.

I did read up on the use of MDMA in therapy yesterday and I see your point. From neutral ground I can see it's not the end of the world, and Tangerine your words are releasing the horrible knot in my stomach.

It explains the times he has come home at the weekend sober and friendly...when I thought they had been out drinking.

And yes, I see I am pushing him away by clamping down, but I don't want him to think its okay either...

To keep the communications open makes me feel like a walk over, like I'm not setting appropriate limits. But the risk increases also when I clamp down on him, because then he just wants to get away and shuts me out.

Okay, so I think I'm going to try and get him to tell me a bit more about it and also to see if I can get him to agree to see CAMHS to get him some support.

Thank you all, for your stories and advice

I think I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. This week/weekend has felt like hell.

i dont know if you know, so excuse me if you do, but i got a referral from dr for cahms. the first time they saw him they deemed him not in need of their help and things just got worse and worse and worse, so the dr referred him to be seen by the cahms phychatrist (sorry but i know thats spelt wrong) and he was then assigned a cahms worker thankfully.
again, my son was willing tom go to dr so that helped.

good luck x

Wannabslim, thank you. I will try and get him to see someone.

My son is adamant he will handle his issues by himself, but who knows, he may have a change of heart. He is terrified of speaking of his childhood stuff, he says it makes him so angry that he is scared what he might do when it's unleashed.

Simple answer is. There is no one fits all way of going about it and it totally depends on the person. Seek help from those with experience in whatever form that may be but do not push push a 15 year old away.

That is exactly where he would want to be if he progresses to the point where he has no control. Give them reason to be around you..... Not elsewhere.

Hi everyone, I've just been re-reading through this thread, reflecting on the last few months. I still have the occasional wobble about things with my DS 15. Thought I would post a little update, as you were all so helpful when things were so horrible.

What has happened since i posted in February? Only once in the last few months has my DS been in a 'state', as far as I know that was a crazy cocktail of whisky, rum, vodka and iron brew.... or something along those lines. We had a horrendous night, but we got through.

Apart from that there has not been any incidents or any particularly worrying episodes. He has not smashed his room up (like he had before) in fact he has not had a single rage. He no longer goes out every weekend, but can now stay home much more often and is more aware of making sure he doesn't go out drinking every weekend with his friends anymore. School attendance has improved and our relationship is pretty good. He keeps his room tidy on own initiative and can cook for himself and sorts his laundry out. Even caught him ironing the other day!!

What did I do? I backed off. Tried to chill out about it. I sought help for myself with a therapist and advice from drug and alcohol services, to find out what the best way forward would be in dealing with the situation.

I worry at times that there is some occasional use, but I have followed their advice and stayed calm. Speaking to him about the risks and pointing out drug/alcohol related deaths/crimes in the news. He never tried to sell any of his stuff, and he has never stolen money from me.

I'm not sure if he has just matured, learned his lesson, realised the stupidity of it, or something else? Having a girlfriend has definitely helped, although she is in the same peer-group and will go to the same parties.

He says people have really calmed down and that only a few people still do it now. There was a group of them that took it really far and the school got involved and two girls were charged with supplying. Behind the scenes, I anonymously reported a dad who was supplying prescription drug to his own daughter and friends. He was arrested and charged, but not sure what is happening next, it has not been in the media, and I saw him walking around the other day ...

So yes, we are in a much better place, however I still struggle with the fact that he may still be using drugs occasionally. I struggle with the fact that I am unable to stop it. I struggle to relax in my daily life. But, we are in a much better place. I have hope for the future now, for him.

Thank you all again for supporting me

Sounds like he's self medicating. I'd be looking at CAHMS rather than punishing.

And like others have said I was a pain in the arse teen who did a lot of drugs and I'm now a teacher in a pupil referral unit. I'm kinda normal

So sorry I didn't see this was a historic post. So glad things are getting better

Thanks BeenThere, that is really nice to hear. I believe you are right about self medicating. He is refusing any involvement at the moment (no trust in adults) and is trying to find his way through on his own.

I don't know if this will be of any help but this sounds like me and my friends at that age. We all came out of it in one piece and are safe, healthy, drug-free functioning adults now. But I can only imagine your worry.

Try to keep up lines of communication. It is probably a phrase.

Thanks for Reflecting and sharing OP.
Hope things continue to get better.

Roar and Time, thank you, it does certainly help. We had a chat about it all the other night, and we both agree things have become so much better. He even stayed in both weekend nights, one of them spent watching a movie with me

He even said jokingly, when I said how much I appreciate how he has calmed down and matured...Yea, I started drinking/partying at 14, and stopped at 15. You're pretty lucky really

Fingers crossed he stays mature!!

You dealt with it amazingly, thank goodness you didn't take some of the shockingly bad advice doled out on this thread. Close family members of mine are drug addicts, confrontation and threats do not work. Being there and being supportive has far more benefits, as difficult as it is. Please do message me if you ever want to chat. Good luck.