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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 yr old and parties

12 replies

popperdoodles · 11/02/2016 18:29

Ds age 16 has asked if he can go to a friend's party in half term. This is the first 'party' he has been invited to and I need some perspective. He has been honest and said there will be alcohol there ( like there wouldn't be). He had said there won't be anyone he doesn't already know but doesn't know if any parents will be there. The boy's house is in an area I wouldnt normally want him hanging around in.
He is a sensible but innocent boy and I am worried about him. However as teenage parties go it could be alot worse I suppose. Any advice? What are your rules when your teens go to parties?

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/02/2016 21:23

I think you have to let him go as he's been upfront with you about the party and the booze. And you say he's sensible, so just have a chat about not drinking too much, set himself a limit of a couple of small beers or similar.

hopefully the parents will be there, I can't understand parents who leave kids this age to party!

Mine are a bit younger, nearly 15, but already starting to go to parties where drink is available. Again, I'm surprised parents allow this with other people's kids! I wouldn't.

randomsellotape · 11/02/2016 23:29

If you don't want your DS walking back from the party alone, be clear about that and make sure he has enough money for a taxi back.

If (as far as you know) your DS does not have much experience of drinking alcohol, I would talk to him about that, eg check he understands that you feel the effects of alcohol after a little while not immediately, so he shouldn't drink a lot all at once.

I have also had conversations with my DS about why I think it's a bad idea to smoke weed. I don't believe my DS ever has smoked anything, but as it is not exactly unknown among that age group, I thought it best to discuss and make my own views clear.

I always like to know the exact address where my DS is going, and make clear that I want him to text me to let me know if he moves on to somewhere else.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 11/02/2016 23:32

I'd pick him up at designated time,

BackforGood · 12/02/2016 00:06

Presuming you've had several conversation over time, about things like different % of alcohol in drinks, and about how you can't taste vodka in a coke, or that some of the 'fruity alcopops' are easy to knock back without you really being aware of the alcohol, and about eating before drinking, and about drugs and ways of saying no, and things like how you don't EVER have to do something you are uncomfortable with because "everyone else was" or someone is goading you......

Then I'd let him go and ask him if he wanted to take a can of lager / cider along with a bottle of pop. I'd also offer to pick him up and any of his mates that would like a lift home.

Original poster

popperdoodles · 12/02/2016 18:42

Thank you. We will let him go I think. He has never drank before, I am fairly confident in that. He says he is not interested in having a drink but I am pretty sure he will be tempted if everyone else is.

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karaline · 13/02/2016 07:48

Other good things to consider when consuming alcohol are; not drinking on an empty stomach, not mixing drinks, staying hydrated -hopefully he won't be drinking enough for dehydration and mixing to be an issue but just in case, or just in case there are others at the party who are.

Whatever everyone's intentions inexperienced drinkers can get drunker than they meant to, faster than they meant to (particularly when peer pressure is involved), and once those inhibitions are down they can want to carry on drinking and say or do things that they wouldn't ordinarily deem acceptable, so its a good time to extra careful but also to look out for friends -either because they're at risk of behaving like drunken idiots or they might be targeted by drunken idiots

Reading this back I feel like I'm making the party sound very sinister, Its most likely everything will be fine, but I think its better to talk about these things than not.

Bluelilies · 13/02/2016 12:32

Tell him if he does want to try alcohol to go for a beer, and stay well away from spirits. Spirits are where it all starts to go badly wrong ime.

Original poster

popperdoodles · 16/02/2016 09:07

Thanks for the replies. The party was last night. We had agreed ds would text at 11pm and we would arrange a pick up time. He duely did this and asked to sleep over because everyone else was. Dh persuaded me to let him, at that point he was having a good time and said everyone was behaving well. I text him a few reminders of the rules we discussed and reassured him he could change his mind at anytime no matter what hour of the night. To cut a long story short and to avoid identifying information, there was a fight and police were called. Ds was incredibly sensible and did all the right things. We are all very tired this morning but everyone is ok and ds has seen the trouble which can be caused. I don't think he will be in a rush to go to another party for a while....

OP posts:

Bluelilies · 16/02/2016 09:44

Oh dear, poor thing :( No matter how well your own kids behave neither you nor they can stop other people being stupid really.

Hope he finds some nicer parties to attend in the future.

ArmfulOfRoses · 16/02/2016 10:15

It's sad things ended like that but we'll done to your ds, he sounds a very responsible young man

Original poster

popperdoodles · 16/02/2016 11:10

I am proud of how he dealt with the situation. He is sleeping still at the moment. Although I just want to protect him I do see he has to see these things for himself to understand the dangers so a learning experience.

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ProfGrammaticus · 16/02/2016 11:15

Ok I'm late to the party (!) here but our rules are - no sleeping over if the parents aren't there, no spirits, but will buy DS a couple of bottles of cider to take with him. No harm done yet, at almost seventeen.

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