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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

13 yr old ds has just deliberately destroyed his guitar

43 replies

Orange1969 · 16/01/2016 12:46

I'm devastated - ds's guitar is his favourite possession. He plays with it all the time and takes it to school as he is learning to play it.

He got into a mood because a string broke and just smashed it up.

It was his birthday present and cost me a lot of money.

Obviously, I am not going to buy him a replacement and it can't be repaired.

He's currently sulking in his room, having had his computer, mobile and tablets confiscated.

The worst thing is that he is going to be so angry at himself once he calms down.

He is prone to the occasional meltdown, but nothing like this.

OP posts:

PacificDogwod · 16/01/2016 13:33

I have full sympathy about how easy it is to overindulge a hard-won PFB and POnlyB and none of us can go back and change past behaviour, but you can sit down and with DH come up with a strategy forward.

Look at "How to talk to children so they will listen, and how to listen to children so they will talk" - sound principles in the book, even though I know them better than I am able to always implement them in RL when things get heated

Consider 'authoritative' parenting, NOT the same as 'authoritarian' - have a google.

Your DS may simply struggle with being a teenager and becoming more aware of his place in the world (I went through a phase of not wanting to go to school because I had an acute fear of war and that my family would be wiped out if I left them - no reasons for this fear other than world news at the time) or he may have bigger problems going on, but either way you need to find a way for him to really speak to you.

He knows how important school is, repeating it won't help.
Stop saying anything much to him, but be there to listen - tell him you are there to listen to anything he has to say, no matter how difficult or embarrassing or weird or 'stupid' it might seem.

Whathaveilost · 16/01/2016 13:35

Helpful post there imperial

Pipistrella · 16/01/2016 13:36

PD...sounds like we had similar childhood issues!! That was me, too.

I agree with everything in your last post.

MidnightVelvetthe4th · 16/01/2016 13:36

As a former Goth & someone who has listened to a fair bit of heavy/death metal in my teenage years :) its not the music that's causing the anger & you will be doing him a disservice if you don't look deeper for the cause of it & blame Marilyn Manson instead.

My gut feeling is that you need to look at the school & connect the earlier refusals to attend with the anger that happening now.

I don't have any solution OP but I wish you the very best x

MidnightVelvetthe4th · 16/01/2016 13:38

X post with everyone, sorry

PacificDogwod · 16/01/2016 13:38

For the record, I hate/d Heavy/Death Metal and find MM ludicrous and still had some of the issues you mention - it really ain't the music!

PacificDogwod · 16/01/2016 13:39

Ha, Midnight, great x-post with you

Original poster

Orange1969 · 16/01/2016 13:39

What - that sounds familiar

I haven't seen M Manson perform IRL, but have seen one of his concerts on tv.

Imperial - also hate seeing musicians smashing up guitars. I remember the lead singer of Green Day doing that when drunk and then he had to go to rehab.

OP posts:

Pipistrella · 16/01/2016 13:40

Well I used to listen to simon and garfunkel

make of that what you will...

Original poster

Orange1969 · 16/01/2016 13:44

Pip - another Simon & Garfunkel fan here!

OP posts:

Original poster

Orange1969 · 16/01/2016 13:45

Haha - poor old Marilyn Manson does tend to get blamed unfairly for bad behaviour in teens!

I know it's not his fault

OP posts:

Whathaveilost · 16/01/2016 13:47

At 14 I fancied Lemmy. To be fair he oiled have been in his early 30s then so not as gnarly as his later years. My mum was horrified of what would become of me!!

Sorry, no derailing your thread but just repeating that you need to find out the cause and not blame the music or the musicians, although I realise you're not now.

Whathaveilost · 16/01/2016 13:48

Please excuse my typos. My eyesight isn't good today and the words seem ok before I post!!

SpaceDinosaur · 16/01/2016 13:48

Simon and Garfunkel

I'm a 90's and 00's Rock child.
Skunk anansie, smashing pumpkins, green day... Love my iPod!

Original poster

Orange1969 · 16/01/2016 13:50

There was something about Lemmy, I have to say.

OP posts:

MidnightVelvetthe4th · 16/01/2016 13:54

Haha Pacific :)

The last time I saw Marilyn Manson was a few years back, in the aftermath of the Columbine school shooting. There was something on TV where famous people were being asked what messages they had for the Columbine children & all of these celebrities were getting dramatic & telling the children to look to God,that the shooter was a monster etc But Marilyn Manson was asked & he said ' I wouldn't tell them anything, I'd listen to them because its fucking obvious nobody is listening to them'. It just struck a chord with me OP & reminded me that although some musicians look different or sound different that they often have something to say that resonates with a child & that looking outside of the mainstream isn't always bad.

Not aimed at you OP but there is the temptation for parents to think that musicians like MM are Satanists & poisoning the minds of teens & to clutch their pearls, but I'd much rather my DCs shirked the mainstream & explored other subcultures of fashion & music. Give me a pair of DMs & some studs over a boy band any day :)

Anyway, your teen may be listening to MM as he's trying to find his way through something that's hard for him at the moment & he hasn't told you about it yet but he might do. Or he may be able to resolve it on his own. Just keep yourself a stable & loving presence in the background & if he knows he's never truly on his own then he will come back to you.

Original poster

Orange1969 · 16/01/2016 14:12

Thanks all. Things better here. He's apologised and we've had a cuddle and talked about good ways to manage anger.

Agree with people blaming musicians for teenage behaviour. I have liked Marilyn M for years. I remember his comments about listening to teenagers.

I remember being in love with the most insipid boyband in my teens. They were like bland puppets, marketed to make their record label rich. Looking back, I don't think that sent a great message to their fans.

I visited a tv studio a couple of years ago with work. There was a very young looking lad, dressed in expensively scruffy clothes. He was there with his mum and I assumed he must be about sixteen. He had a very, very beautiful face. I hadn't a clue who he was but someone said he was Zane (Zayn?) from 1 Direction. I felt ancient! Anyway, it seems he got fed up with the mechanics of the pop industry in the end.

OP posts:

TwoTooManyKidz · 02/02/2016 12:44

IMHO you are being quite harsh

Something has quite clearly happened but before you find out what has happened you remove all of his goods: he's obviously had a shit bad day and you taking more of his things away won't make anything better.

Imagine being in his position - wouldn't you be royally pissed off to say the least?

have a talk about it, depending on the story and a long talk, buy him a new one and lots of for when you look at your bank balance afterwards.

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