Thanks SuperSofia
I do think that dss may actually be bullying ds. It is a real concern, I thought the hotel thing was ds fault but it may well not be. I am going to keep a close eye, I've asked ds to record name calling.
I have been the target of dss anger tonight after I said he would have to do the dusting and hovering and phone takentomorrow as his punishment. I have been called "a pathetic ct and a "bully and asshole". Dss also is said I am not living with this "ct (me), loser (ds), and stirring bitch (dd). He then started to shout to his mum "it's your fault for dad moving" (it's definitely not) and made my wife cry.
I had to restrain ds when he tried to confront and threaten ds in his room, dss is taller then me and probably stronger.
My wife has said anger management is needed, I think a lot of this is to do with dad. His dad has step kids also of the same age in America who have him full time. This must make dss feel replaced and forgotten about. I also think (from what dss says his stepmom is not very nice), my wife is speaking to dss father tomorrow. I think that it would be good if dss dad came over here for once.
Dss has kept from us the fact that dss father is sending a considerable amount of money over each month to dss. Me and my wife think that this needs to be reduced and come through my wife instead.
Tomorrow I'm going to have a family meeting. My wife is going to make a schedule for dss, this will include what times he does for schoolwork and what times he goes to the gym or football. I haven't grounded him as the gym is good for him and keeps him fit and healthy and let's him let off steam.
I'm also going to buy a new playstation in a month or so because it causes a lot of hassle and will stop many rows, as they can't play together.
I am also going to speak to dss father. This is the first time I would have spoken, what do you think I should say in regards to him spending some time in this country.