Advice needed please, DD stealing again

[Ticktacktock]

She's 16, and has been caught stealing from us twice, the first time was 80.00, the second was maybe 20.00, not sure exactly as it was all pound coins. The first time, she was warned I would involve the police If it happened again, and so the second time I took her to the station and they gave her a talking to

yesterday she took another pound. I gave her all day to tell me she'd taken it, so when she didn't I asked her about it. she burst into tears protesting her innocence, I hate you, you never believe me, I didn't take it, etc

I have taken away her devices until she admits it, and she will admit it quicker without devices, but where do I go from there?

thanks once again for your help

she gets a fiver a week for cleaning and tidying her room once a week, stripping and making her bed, emptying bin, recycling, cleaning her shoes. she gets clothing allowance of £20 and if she keeps up with her ironing I give her an extra tenner. if she wants a coat or other expensive item I will pay half.

she has to pay 7 50 per month towards her phone contract.

does that sound like I am being too soft?

She should be doing those chores anyway, why is she getting paid for them?

I wouldn't give her a clothing allowance, either. Pay for necessities and if she wants anything else, she needs to get a job. It would be different if there were no jobs available or you lived in the middle of nowhere and couldn't get her to work, but if that's not the case, she should be working.

If she's lazy, you're not doing her any favours by paying for everything anyway.

I don't think the issue is giving her money at the moment rather that she is stealing from you.

Nice phones, clothes, allowance etc are privileges. If she can't behave then they should go.

Yes, giving her money when she steals is just rewarding her. She knows there's no real punishment. The police came and spoke to her, sure, but that doesn't MEAN anything.

So she can steal from you, barely contribute to the house and she still gets a clothing allowance and half her phone contract paid, plus basic pocket money? Why?

Have you sat her down and discussed this? How hard is she working at school? Has she looked for a job? How much money do her friends have to spend? What does she want to do that she doesn't have money for? And the big one- why is she stealing? What is so important that she has to steal?

My DDs can't get a job as there aren't any where we live but they do work very hard at school, so get given enough money to hold their own with their friends. IME teens just want to do what their friends do and wear similar stuff to their friends.

you've all got good points. she is in line for good exam results. she is very capable, but her social media addiction and subsequent peer pressure results in her need to have it all without lifting a finger

big problem is friends that get it all, and some who steal from their parents but they don't deal with it, so she feels hard done by when I give her consequences.

I have actually got her a job in a charity shop, she doesn't know yet as her deadline hasn't run out for her finding a paid one.

she is desperate for money to go on holiday with her friends family and asked if she could go if she gets a job. I agreed but she hasn't got a job and is running out of time.

If she's really stubborn might it just be a horrible two years until you have no control any more?

Sorry, I know I'm not making any helpful suggestions - I don't have any direct experience and have seen other people struggling with similar situations but not any where there was a good outcome.

Should say good luck! And seems like you're being really sensible.