How would you respond to this?

32 replies

PlinkertyPlonk · 13/12/2015 20:13

3 teenage children of varying ages. DH prepared dinner for all of us. An hour before dinner, all 3 kids say they aren't around/won't be eating dinner - one is at a friends and has been offered dinner, the second has just decided they are going to a friends and will eat there, and the third says they are too tired and need to sleep, having been out until 2.30am the previous night.

I wouldn't mind if it was a one off, but it happens regularly - we buy in lots of food for when they are here, only for them to say they are eating elsewhere. How would you respond, is it a battle worth fighting?

OP posts:

BackforGood · 13/12/2015 22:33

I would agree Bertrand that I wouldn't want my teens to be rude as they like, but I just don't consider it an issue - for an ordinary meal, that isn't special and doesn't include any guests or reasons that it is particularly special - for someone to not be available. Sometimes, they are round at a friends and the friends parent says 'Do you want to stay for dinner?' - I'm more than happy for my teen to eat another family out of house and home and eat whatever is on their plate here, tomorrow. Sometimes dh will text me he's needing to finish something off at work, or he's got caught in traffic on the way back from a weekend away or day out. It's no big deal - he can just eat the dinner tomorrow. (dh isn't a teen, obvs - the point is, we all get a "better offer" sometimes), it isn't just teens, and, for us, it isn't a big deal.

BertrandRussell · 13/12/2015 22:37

Yes of course. But they were asked before cooking started,then changed their minds. No acceptable except in exceptional circumstances. Just like for anyone else in the house.

MrsJayy · 13/12/2015 22:43

They were asked they said yes and then changed their mind its not as if they were out and text home or whatever if my dh said im just going to out to get a takeaway after id cooked id be mighty pissed off my dc wouldnt get away with it either as young teens

Original poster

PlinkertyPlonk · 14/12/2015 08:18

Another question has just crossed my mind... Do you have dinner at a set time (obviously if there are planned activities there needs to be some flex)? I'm wondering if part of the problem is that the kids don't know what time to expect dinner - we always had a fixed-ish time growing up. Or maybe (probably!) it will make no difference.

OP posts:

Sadik · 14/12/2015 08:24

OK, I hadn't realised you'd checked specifically. Dinner here always happens around 6pm, and I'd consider an hour's notice of a change quite reasonable as I wouldn't have cooked spuds/rice/veggies etc before then.

I'd be far, far more cross about rudeness asking for a lift, myself. But I suspect our dinners may be less exciting (roast or anything like that would definitely result in presences at the table - quite possibly multiple even though I only have the one dc )

LineyReborn · 14/12/2015 08:35

My DP has three teenagers who live with him. We don't live together. They can be incredibly rude to him but he's good at picking his battles.

The main meal is at a set time in the early evening and he expects to be told if they are eating in / out / want to make their own (tiny kitchen!)

They don't get lifts to friends. Neither do my teenagers. But if it's going to be a late return we'll probably pay for a taxi.

Every family's different I suppose.

Donge13 · 14/12/2015 16:13

I ask mine the night before if they are eating with us the next day so I can take something out of the freezer. They know if they say yes they have to eat with us if it's a no, even if their plans change they sort themselves out

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