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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teen sleepover - absent parent

13 replies

MEgirl · 08/12/2015 09:36

DSs went to a friend's house at the weekend for a sleepover. Their friend is leaving the country at the end of December so this was a last big get together. There were twelve 16-17 year old boys there.

Mine came home only slightly worse for wear but one of their friends had apparently drunk quite a lot of vodka. One of mine told me he'd had a little whisky and a couple of shots of vodka. They are allowed to drink wine, cider and beer at home under supervision so they aren't completly unused to alcohol and know the dangers.

It wasn't until the following day that I was told that the mother (single parent) had gone out all night. She didn't return until the morning so the boys were left unsupervised all night which is how, I suppose, they had access to the spirits.

Would this bother you? Would you leave so many teens alone and unsupervised overnight. I know plenty of kids go off to festivals/overnight parties in field etc but in such circumstances I would at least have been pre-warned. This is during term time and they had a lot of work to complete over the weekend which didn't get done because they weren't feeling great on the Sunday. On the one hand I laughed it off while telling them they had behaved foolishly and were lucky that nothing bad happend, on the other hand I am miffed at the mum for being irresponsible.

I'm just trying to gauge whether I'm reacting appropriately or not.

OP posts:

titchy · 08/12/2015 16:11

Lower sixth - over reaction (though hell will freeze over before mine are left home alone ). Year 11 - parent should have been there.

Akire · 08/12/2015 16:15

At 16 and 17 at a party I would expect some alcohol and them to be sensible ish if they can drink at home. But yes would expect the parent to be popping in and out to keep an eye just in case things got out of hand. Even if she trusts her child you don't know how wild other kids might be. But guess unless you asked and were promised before hand it's a fine line at 17.

BackforGood · 09/12/2015 00:15

I would expect the parent(s) to be there, or at least to come home after an evening out, yes.
Not that that means they won't try spirits of course....

Travelledtheworld · 09/12/2015 13:05

I would expect the parents to be around somewhere, if they didn't want their house trashed.
There was a big party locally, in a barn. Parents stayed in the farmhouse close by. Dozens of kids taking ecstasy and drinking, two taken to hospital by ambulance......

SecretSquirr3ls · 09/12/2015 13:25

I would expect a responsible adult to be hiding upstairs there in the background.
DS2 went to an party recently. Mostly 17 year olds and they take their own alcohol. One friend was comatose on vodka and her father had to be called to collect at 9pm! DS said the party host mum was "heroic" in dealing with him. Could have been a different story if no adult there.

Candleabras · 09/12/2015 16:22

I would expect an adult to be around, and if they're not going to be, common decency and manners should apply and I would expect to be told in advance by the prospective absent adult (especially if there's alcohol). But mine wouldn't be going to a party with no adult present.

SecretSquirr3ls · 09/12/2015 16:55

It's unusual to actually know the other parents though once they are 16/17. Certainly at sixth form. not as easy as when they are tiny and you have to go with them.

Original poster

MEgirl · 09/12/2015 18:27

Thanks everyone. I've never met the mum but had I known she was going out I would have at least tried to make contact. I assumed that she would be at home (or at least be back at some point) with all of those boys to keep an eye out.

I think that even had I asked my DSs beforehand, that they would have thought that she was going to be there.

Oh well, thankfully nothing bad happened beyond a couple of sore heads and feeling worse for wear.

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2015 18:40

Yes like most, I'd want an adult somewhere around the house.

I actively wouldn't want my 15/16/17 year olds to be home alone overnight in a much alcohol available party situation.

Creiddylad · 10/12/2015 22:52

I think there should have been an adult in the house. Boys's that age can be silly.

One night, my DS had about 7 of his mates round. I went to say good night to them, told them to close the patio door as it was cold. They said they were keeping it open as Bob was asleep on the lawn. It was January ffs! I made them get him in, he could have died.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 11/12/2015 04:12

We live in a hot country and it is the swimming pool or balcony and alcohol mix I worry about. DD17's friends are coming round here later, and while it means lots of tidying in the morning (and the purchasing of lots of pizzas) at least I can keep an eye on things tonight.

JustDanceAddict · 11/12/2015 11:13

I would expect the parent to at least come home at the end of the evening. Not be out all night.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 11/12/2015 22:03

Definitely would expect a parent to be there. It's just the age where kids have no idea about alcohol limits, get alcohol poisoning or just get carried away. Especially with so many.

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