Bright teen falling massively behind coming up to GCSEs - to get involved or butt out?

[nonnomnom]

Yes, that old one.

DD who should be getting all As-A*s is on course for Bs, Cs and Ds. She needs 6 Bs to get into her sixth form, which she may well not get, but has made no other plans as assumed she would get that easily. She's Oxbridge material (I went there and she's as brighter than me) and had said she didn't want to go there but would rather go to a nice (ie Russell Group) uni elsewhere, assuming blithely that that was an 'easy' alternative - when in reality with the grades she's now on course to get she wouldn't stand a chance with any Russell Group unis. Plus if she doesn't get As in certain subjects at GCSE, even if she does get into the sixth form she she won't be able to do any of the A Levels she wants anyway and will be left with PE etc (it's an academic school so they don't really offer any alternatives to an academic route eg BTECS etc.

She's just discovered a social life and boys, which doesn't help, but was hopelessly disorganised before that. She seems to think you can do the work for GCSEs the night before an exam and get an A* - doesn't seem to understand it doesn't work like that (esp where coursework is concerned).

Help! Am cross and my natural tendency is to tell her off for failing to put any effort in and make her sit down and do 2-3 hour stints of homework under my eye a night, until her exams. But that goes against my principles, which to date have been to assume it's her responsibility (which is how she got into this mess). No way she's going to achieve what she's capable of with the huge gaps in her work but would be nice if she could come out with enough to get her into the 6th form at least and the opportunity to do the A Levels of her choice.

So should I leave her to sort it out unaided? Offer support if wanted and healthy snacks (forgot to say she's largely stopped eating or eats random crap)? Organise her life for her?

Please tell me what to do - can't think clearly.

My two have both done GCSEs - I think stayathome's advice is excellent. They grow and change a lot int he two years, and that means they can't always easily use the notes they made and then lost at the start of year 10. Using the CGP books or similar (both revision guides and workbooks) feels like a bit of a fresh start, is manageable and progress is quick and obvious. 2-3 hours per night is too much IMO. I would maybe go for two subjects, plus brushing up maths and a language if she is doing one, as those subjects build up gradually: if she can get the most out of those lessons next term, she won't need to revise so much at Easter for them either.

Couldn't agree more Bunbaker. So many posters seem to think that not getting As and A*s is some kind of failure.

stayathomegardener, DS says thank you for those tips!

My DD was just the same. She was super bright then discovered boys and partying. And she also had organisational issues. And she wouldn't be told/bribed/nagged/helped/tutored....It stressed me out completely, though I got some great support here. With hindsight I can say a few things: 1. It is important to keep the channels of communication open and your relationship good as far as possible. If all you talk about to her is her exams etc, it will turn sour pretty quickly. 2. At her age, she will do pretty much what she herself decides to. In my experience, lectures will not change her mind (though encouragement might...). 3. She is probably much more scared and stressed than she is showing. 4. Do practical things to help - buy revision guides for everything. My two revised solely from those and did OK. 5. Unless she is truanting, schools do so much revision with them, that they can do better than you think on less revision than you think, particularly if they are bright. My DD did the bare minimum and revised the night before and got A A B B C C C (more or less). 6. Do your best and then let it go. I am not saying just let her do nothing at all, but there is only so much you can do. I set 'work' times when the internet and telly went off between 7pm and 9pm. Much of this time she sat in her room on her phone, but at least sometimes she did some work. 7. Get her exam dates and make a wall chart showing them (for mocks and the real thing). It helps with visual learners and disorganised learners. 8. A lack of A*s is not the end of the world. There are some brilliant FE college courses and leaving a Sixth Form for FE to do A'levels can sometimes be a liberating experience (with a wider choice of A level options)...and they take late entries.

I know this sounds glib, but please try not to worry too much. I was suffering from full-on stress and was constantly angry with my daughter. Looking back, it was unproductive. She may well do better than you think if she is bright.

Good luck
x

Thank you all, advice really appreciated...

That is really helpful beelights. The main issue is chatting on Messenger for DD. We do resort to switching off the internet now because DD has no self control at all.