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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

When would you let your teen's boyfreind or girlfreind sleep over?

21 replies

lilibet · 11/12/2006 12:51

and in their bed?

dd is 18, has been with her bf for 18 months, I know that they are having sex, she is on the pill, when she stays at his house she shares his bed and now she has asked can he sleep over on Christmas night.

I'm not happy but have no justification for saying no. Dh thinks we should say yes.

Aaaaaaarrghhh

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 11/12/2006 12:52

at 18. Yes.

sunnywong · 11/12/2006 12:53

yes

she needs to be on barrier method aswell though don't you think?

Original poster

lilibet · 11/12/2006 12:54

Yes, they do use condoms as well

I suppose that everyoen is uneasy with the thought of their children haivng sex

OP posts:

LetitShnowLetitShnowLetitShnow · 11/12/2006 12:54

When DH and I first met we had to wait until he was 18 and we had been together at least 6 months. We were allowed to share a bed at Christmas for the first time and it continued from there.

Your DD sounds responsible and I would be inclined to allow it. Having said that it is your house and if you are unhappy with it perhaps you are right to say no. That didn't help much did it?!?!

expatinscotland · 11/12/2006 12:55

I didn't use barrier methods w/long-term partners after we'd both had an STD screen.

Also, if she and he were virgins when they started up, I'd think the pill would be enough.

sunnywong · 11/12/2006 12:56

that's what I thought in that situation...but that's a whole other story

FioFio · 11/12/2006 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

lilibet · 11/12/2006 12:56

He wasn't a virgin, he has a daughter by his last girlfriend

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 11/12/2006 12:57

Oh, in that case, yeah, I'd double up w/condoms, too!

sunnywong · 11/12/2006 12:58

live with you?
at 17?

I say, really, that is going a bit far

lillibet, you will just have to go to bed early and put earplugs in.

FioFio · 11/12/2006 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

brimfull · 11/12/2006 12:59

I think I would let them ,but I won't find it easy.

Original poster

lilibet · 11/12/2006 13:00

Earplugs!! Oh no, her room is next to her little brothers!!

This could open up a very iteresting discussion over the breakfast table!

OP posts:

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 11/12/2006 13:00

For this occasion you could put them in separate rooms and explain that you aren't quite "there" yet. I'm sure she would understand, and it is a compromise?

sunnywong · 11/12/2006 13:01

clearly you were soild goods and your mother had no choice but to relinquish you.

NOT REALLY, don't be so childish suzywong

FioFio · 11/12/2006 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

poppiesinalinewithtinsel · 11/12/2006 13:22

When DH and I used to stay with his mother we weren't allowed to share the same bed or room and we were in our 20's.

And the first time we stayed with her when we were married she made us sleep in bunkbed . DH had a small word in her ear

I can see why you are struggling lilibet.. it must be a weird thought. Oh, I am so not looking forward to the teenage years!!

chenin · 11/12/2006 14:18

Funnily enough Lillibet, I've just been put into this situation mywelf!
DD1 is 18 in 3 weeks time and she has a bf that she has been going out with for about 6 months. He is a lovely lad, very polite, treats her well etc.
She has stayed at his house loads of time and she is on the pill and I know they are sleeping together. She thinks his mother is just fantastic (she's always going on about what fun she is... do you know the cereal advert with the daughter praising her friends mum? Well, I'm like that, cos I'm fed up of hearing how fantastic bf's mum is!)
Anyway, back to the subject! He has stayed here once.... we were at a party and she sort of half asked me if it was OK. I wasn't that keen tbh, but felt it was somewhat hypocritical to say no. Anyway, bf was up really early and gone cos I think he felt embarrassed! I don't think they will make a habit of it cos he is always quite wary of us which is nice. We are always very welcoming .... I just think he feels a bit awkward about it.
Having said all that... we decorated her room a while back and she was desperate for a double bed (I wonder why?!) and we relented cos her bed was on its last legs!
I've told her not to make a habit of it cos I do have DD2 to consider...
Good luck!

fiiiivemadmarchhaaaares · 11/12/2006 14:23

Your justification would be that its your house, your rules etc etc..

However, I think you should let him stay.

MerryPiffmas · 11/12/2006 14:26

in those circs Id say yes
It's often prudent to ask the boy to discuss with his parents
Last thing you want is some mad father knocking on your door at midnight - gen more applicable to girls fathers but still... I'd liek to know if it was my son
but my key points would be
Decent length relationship
open and honest and trustworthy in the past
And that I knew the other half and respected the relationship

Original poster

lilibet · 11/12/2006 16:46

I think that I have decided to say that he can coem as long as he sleeps in her little brothers bed and he can go on the fold away in our room. I'm going to use her brothers as an excuse, they are 14 and 10. Although they have been together for so long we don't see a lot of him (twice this year in fact!) as obviously they would rather be at his where they can do what ever they want

I don't think this will go down well at all, but by saying about her brothers being impressionable and her certainly not wnating things repeated to her nan (just thought of that one and it's excellent!!)

She rang as I was typing that and it seems that he won't be staying if he has to sleep somewehre else, the suggestion was put forward as taxis are expensive - have they all of a sudden become cheaper now he has to sleep in a single bed

Ah well, problem solved, thanks for your help!

OP posts:

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