Just need to have a rant... 17 year old DS

[furrymuff]

Am just so fed up with him. He has a job interview this morning for a part time job around college hours, the first one he's had. He's just informed me that he's wearing jeans and trainers to his interview because "a kiddy at college told me I didn't need to dress smart for an interview there"... this is a multinational company! Yes, I get it's working on a large production floor, but surely you should still dress fairly smartly for the interview? I wasn't suggesting a tie, but a shirt and chinos would be appropriate don't you think?

It was just the last straw and has reduced me to tears after a week of his stealing my stash of £2 coins to buy weed, bunking off college and nicking his brother's birthday money. He just does not give a shit about any of us. I was counting on his getting this job so that he wouldn't steal from us, but it seems like he doesn't even really want it, he's just paying me lip service.

Sorry for the rant - I just needed to get it off my chest!

I'm not sure. Apparently Macdonalds, Asda and presumably lots of other multinationals have interview procedures that involve doing things in groups of other applicants, presumably to demonstrate that you can work with other people.

Don't give up hope.

Another thought -voluntary work as a way in to paid work perhaps?

I was counting on his getting this job so that he wouldn't steal from us

Yes - you were. But presumably from his perspective it's easier just to keep stealing? How are you making work the more attractive (read: only) option?

Feel free to rant. I am going to start a bit of a rant myself soon. My dd16 is doing my nut in at the moment as well. I seem to have spent most of this year in tears because of her.

Its good that he has made the effort and has actually got an interview. Mine is too lazy to even do that. I kind of agree with you about the clothes for interviews but what do we know? Mine takes no notice of me.
and sympathy

Sorry to sound harsh OP, but why would he even want to work if he can get by with stealing? It sounds as if you are resigned to that aspect of his behaviour, and if he steals from his own family he won't worry about stealing from an employer.
The best thing you can do for him now is to report him to the police for stealing from you. He won't end up in court for that, but a stern talking to by police might just cause him to think again. Then he may adopt a more responsible attitude to working for money.

I can't report him to the police, he's already been in trouble for cannabis possession this year so I don't want him in any more trouble. I know that sounds like I'm being soft. My boundaries are well and truly screwed up with him, I know that, and I am really trying to lay down rules about what is ok and what's not. He has no access to any money in our house any more, and I only give him what he needs to get to college and back and buy his lunch when he's there, but as he's bunking off I'm guessing that's not what that money is going on.

He went to the interview which seems to have gone ok - he says he'll find out in a week or so and that the man who interviewed him looked like he was completely fed up with interviewing - he just asked a couple of straightforward questions and then took his identity docs.

hedgehog thanks for the flowers and sympathy - it's kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only one going through this - the Teenagers board is a godsend frankly! Thanks all for responding, I do appreciate everyones thoughts

You can report him to the police, you're choosing not to. I'm not saying whether you should or shouldn't but you need to own the fact you're making that choice - your ds takes no responsibility for his choices either.

Buy him a bus pass and make him a packed lunch. However, either way I think he will escalate to stealing from other people soon - you may live to regret not taking this to the police before it escalates further.

How are you managing to protect all access to money? Has his brother been paid back?

Hmm the interviewer looking fed up doesn't sound like a good sign.

tribpot I do own that choice, and I know that a lot of the reason he's like he is is because I have never put any boundaries in place, and allowed him simply to do whatever he wants, out of some misguided belief that I was being a good parent. I have taken my eye off the ball in recent years by going back to studying, working and doing a clinical placement, and I haven't been there for either of them like I should have been - believe me, I do own the choices I've made, and regret them most days.

All money is now locked away; brother was paid back with DS own birthday money which I had been hiding from him to pay for his driving test.

prof no I didn't think it sounded good either, but we'll wait and see I guess...

And I've just re-read that reply and can see how passive aggressive and whiney I sound. Thank god I'm in therapy!

We only do what we think is right in each situation so don't be too hard on yourself furry. People do sometimes get all high and mighty about what to do I find, but nobody knows your situation. Hope ds gets the job and that things work out.