Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

18 year old DD pregnant

19 replies

Bigbadmamma · 16/11/2015 16:22

(NC)

DD has just turned 18 and is pregnant and due any day now.

The issue is that she split with the child's father very early on in the pregnancy and has since got a new boyfriend (been together 2 months) who she is saying will be her baby's father, keeps buying baby clothes saying "daddy's little princess" and things a long those lines. I have no issue with her boyfriend wanting to be there and help her out but she does have a long record of short standing, intense relationships so I'm wondering how many "dads" little one will end up having?

I've tried explaining to her that he can be in the babies life as a positive role model without being her "dad" and that the baby has the right to know who her real father is without the confusion of my DDs boyfriends being labled but she doesn't seem to take what I'm saying on board as she is so wrapped up with the new boyfriend.

I've talen a step back as I don't want her to think I'm interfering but it doesn't sit well with me what she is doing. I know she is 18 and can do as she pleases but it's hard to watch her constantly make bad decisions and hurt herself.

Any advice?

OP posts:

shutupanddance · 16/11/2015 16:26

Hopefully when baby comes she'll realise. All you can do is be there. Hiw does a pregnant lady have energy for a new boyfriend?

shutupanddance · 16/11/2015 16:26

Congratulations btw

Original poster

Bigbadmamma · 16/11/2015 16:28

She always has the energy for a new boyfriend! Her life revolves around boys, hoping she changes her outlook soon!

Thank you for the congrats and flowers

OP posts:

shutupanddance · 16/11/2015 16:38

As you know, having ababy is a major life changer. Hopefully she'll be so tired overwhelmed with love she'll put baby before boyfriends.

Does dd live at home?

SurlyCue · 16/11/2015 16:45

Well she may be lucky and new boyfriend may actually be able to settle down and be a parent, however at 18 i cant see many young men being keen to give up their new found adult freedoms to raise someone else's child. Especially when the reality of no sleep, screeching infant, smelly baby sick shoulders, and a grumpy girlfriend kicks in.

Original poster

Bigbadmamma · 16/11/2015 16:49

She did live at home with me after a period of living with her Dad but she has got herself a flat with new boyfriend (yes, after 2 months of knowing him)

I'm really worried about how she will cope on her own and truthfully, I think she will be back here after a couple of weeks. I've told her she is always welcome here and I'm being as supportive possible

OP posts:

ajandjjmum · 16/11/2015 17:02

You are being a fantastic Mum - not hiding your concerns, accepting her decisions and being there when she needs you.

FattyNinjaOwl · 16/11/2015 17:06

You're doing everything you can.
I was pregnant at 16 and had DS1 at 17. It made me grow up PDQ. Hopefully the same will happen with your DD

enjoy being a nanna/gran/whatever you want to be called. My mum says its better than having your own as there's all the good bits and you can hand them back for smelly nappies and sleepless nights.

sugar21 · 16/11/2015 17:15

I was pregnant at 17 and had dd at 18. I had a huge learnjng curve but was ok after a couple of weeks. I was flat sharing with exp, we lasted about 2 years when I left because I'd met someone else. His parents and mine were brilliant at the time and don't think we'd have managed without their help and generosity. Your dd will be ok with you as her dm even if she does come back

SoWhite · 22/11/2015 14:05

Has the baby been born yet OP?

mathanxiety · 24/11/2015 02:07

I would be concerned about the baby too, OP. Stay close to the situation, and be prepared to step in for the sake of the baby. I must say none of what you say about your DD sounds promising.

Getting a flat with a new BF after two months actually speaks poorly about both of them. 'Her life revolves around boys' is all her issue however. Trying to rope the BF into a father role with the little clothes, etc, presumably to keep him in the relationship, honestly to me it smacks of men trying to pull women with puppies.

It's possible this will be the making of her, but that is quite a burden to place on a baby, who needs a functioning adult in her life making the right decisions about who has access to her, and what sort of relationship they will have with her. A revolving door, with a mother who has very low self esteem, is a recipe for disaster.

Original poster

Bigbadmamma · 26/11/2015 06:44

No baby yet, she is now a week overdue.

We have just found out that they got married in secret over the weekend. I don't know how true this is as she won't share any details. I am beyond furious with her, why can't she just concentrate on her baby!?

We have also found out that her BF already has a child but is not allowed any contact, we do not know why but obviously as a family we are very concerned.

Totally unsure as to where to go from here as my daughter is an adult (just) and can do as she pleases really.

OP posts:

FattyNinjaOwl · 26/11/2015 09:59

I've no advice. Just sympathy. As I said, hopefully the baby will force her to grow up. It sounds like she needs to. I understand why you are so angry with her, but as you said, there's nothing you can do that you arent already doing.

mathanxiety · 28/11/2015 05:16

Find out as much as you can about this alleged child and the circumstances around his lack of contact. If you know the name of the mother of the child, try to contact her and find out what happened.

I would not be averse to calling social services and reporting your own DD if you find out he has an kind of a conviction for DV or (obv) molestation, child porn etc.

Bigpants4 · 28/11/2015 05:29

Yes support you daughter. Tell her you're always there for her.

Be accepting of all her decisions.

Get to know the BF and build a relationship with him. Can you invite him for a film/meal

sashh · 28/11/2015 06:48

We have just found out that they got married in secret over the weekend. I don't know how true this is as she won't share any details.

Easy to check that one, marriages are on public record.

RoyTucker · 28/11/2015 19:04

Hi - just posting re the marriage - if you're in England then you can only get married once you've given notice of 28 days. And I'm pretty sure you can't give notice until you're 18, not ahead of being 18. So that bit quite possibly isn't true.

Good luck with it all. You sound like a brilliant mum.

Goingtobeawesome · 28/11/2015 19:09

I think that the new boyfriend/husband will be assumed to be the father if they are married. Something niggling away at me that I can't quite recall.

BeverlyGoldberg · 28/11/2015 19:50

I have no advice except to say that when the baby arrives she'll probably realise she has bitten off more than she can chew and she'll need her mum. It sounds like you're really supportive and doing a fantastic job of supporting her. In the meantime have some

Flip