Not quite sure where to start.
Have 16 year old DS and 13 year old DD. Will call them Tom & Amy for ease.
Tom has had problems for last few years - possible Aspergers, depression, self harm, anxiety. Was in trouble often at school and at one point narrowly avoided permanent exclusion.
CAMHS were involved but the process was very long-drawn out, and a bit disastrous, ending up with them seemingly forgetting him at an appointment (May this year) and him refusing to continue to engage - he was reluctant to start with.
We took a step back and he managed 8 GCSEs and started 6th form college this September.
Had a wobbly start, getting very stressed and anxious. The main result is that he won't go into lessons if he arrives late, and will leave the premises.
College pastoral team have been trying to work with him and us, but he generally firmly resists any attempts at helping him. IN his mind he is an adult and it is nobody else's business but his own.
Things have now escalated. He has been involved in drinking, light (we believe) drug use, risky sexual behaviour and shoplifting.
This all seems to have been occurring within the last 3-4 weeks, probably exacerbated by a family bereavement.
It all came out last week with police involvement which may or may not lead to a Community Resolution Order.
We are dealing with this, and so far he has been willing to engage - if somewhat reluctantly. This includes agreeing to see a counsellor.
We have been so worried about his state of mind, and as he is so closed and private, we have not been convinced we have the whole picture.
So we checked his phone. And found a bunch of KiK messages where he has been contacted by various people from a sexting site and has been posting pictures and videos of himself. He's had the sense to not show his face.
So I told him I'd seen these and was even more concerned for his safety and well-being. He did not take this well. At present we have not told him both of us are aware of these messages - sort of keeping DH as a 'neutral' rather than the anti-christ that I have become.
Apparently he is going to ask college to find him somewhere else to live as he no longer feels safe at home because the trust is broken. And he refuses to see an outside counsellor, maintaining he will do this through college without my involvement.
Now I have no issue with his sexual preferences. I am purely concerned because of his age, because despite what he now says he is not in a good place mentally, and also because I am not sure of the ages of people he's messaging.
I am also concerned at the ramifications of potential police/social services involvement and the possible impact on DD.
Has anyone experience of these sorts of problems? We really don't know what to do for the best.
This is hugely long and I have tried to keep it pretty terse and emotion-free, but please don't think I am this cold and detached about it.
He is a lovely boy, and I feel so helpless that he obviously so sad and miserable and I can's fix it.