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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How long to you leave your 14 year old on their own?

38 replies

ifonly4 · 11/11/2015 14:27

So far it's been 1-2 hours but I've always been local. Looking into working more hours, but just wondering what others do. I totally trust DD and know a few people locally who she could phone for help if there was a problem reaching us.

OP posts:

NeuNewNouveau · 11/11/2015 21:50

14yo nearly 15yo, I leave for 4-5hrs in the day. Also leave him with DS2, (yr7) for 3-4hrs in the evening. We are either within 5 mins or have a local emergency contact who is in the village for them to have just in case.

Clueing4looks · 11/11/2015 21:53

I think it depends on the child. I have to leave my 11 and 12 year old from 11 til 5 alternate Saturdays while I work, and for occasional days in school holidays if I can't swap hours. They look forward to the time alone and spend the day on the xbox doing homework. There's always a cup of coffee waiting for me when I get home! My friend has a 16 year old who she has never left as she doesn't trust him to make a drink without flooding the kitchen. I think that as long as they can reach you/an appropriate adult in an emergency then trust your instincts.

Mintyy · 11/11/2015 21:54

When I go out I leave my 14 year old and 12 year old on their own for the whole evening and they put themselves to bed. They are too old for babysitters.

Gracell4545 · 11/11/2015 23:14

DD all day from 12. However she is now 14 and has been taking the piss a bit as I discovered when I popped home early! Depends on the child really. I was alone from really young and in evenings but DD wouldn't like to be home alone in evening but she is an only child if she had a friend over they'd be desperate to see the back of me.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 13/11/2015 08:59

I agree it depends on the child. My 14 year olds have been left since starting secondary as they didn't want to go to any childcare or have grandma round. But I appreciate it's different as there are two of them, one may be more nervous alone.

ASmallHenInItsLateForties · 13/11/2015 09:07

Obv does depend on the person, but mine would be perfectly fine all day. I'd be contactable though.

Also alright for an evening. Again with the ability to contact me, and me able to get back easily.

I wouldn't leave them overnight though.

Branleuse · 13/11/2015 09:13

probably 3 hours max is the longest ive left him, but he does have ASD and even then I dont like it. When he was off school for the best part of a year I didnt have much choice but to leave him occasionally

Sgtmajormummy · 13/11/2015 09:29

At 14 DS spent 36 hours without us. We needed to do some urgent admin which involved travelling 300 miles, signing a piece of paper, eating, sleeping and travelling back again. We took his little sister with us.

At the end of it we were shattered and he'd been quietly whooping it up with a LOTR, popcorn and takeaway orgy!

That was a one-off and normally I prefer to have everybody under the roof for dinner at 8. What he does before that is open for negotiation as long as homework is up to date.

We do live in a pretty small town without the attractions of a big city and DS is a dependable chap (apart from a love of sneaky snacks!).

RoobyTuesday · 13/11/2015 09:40

Ds is 13, I've been leaving him for up to half a day for about a year now. I haven't left him for a whole day while I've been at work but I probably would now. It's not because I worry about him being alone, more that I just know he'll be glued to his Xbox all day and won't bother to make himself anything proper to eat. He's been letting himself in after school since he was 12 and is on his own in the house after school for an hour or so two days a week while I'm at work. 14 is plenty old enough to be left for a day in typical circumstances I would of thought.

RoobyTuesday · 13/11/2015 09:44

Having sad this I remember when my sister was 16 and I was 13. She was meant to be babysitting me when our parents went out. She snuck out with a friend and left me on my own and I was quite nervous and frightened. She was caught out though when my parents came home before she did. Our parents were very surprised - they always thought she was very sensible! So you can never be too sure...

Original poster

ifonly4 · 13/11/2015 10:01

Thanks for your replies. The only reason she's only been left 1-2 hours is that I've never needed to leave her more - I work school hours, weekly shop takes less than an hour etc, then DH is usually back about the time I might go out in the evening.

DD was pretty low last year as well and admits she likes having someone else in the house, so want to feel comfortable about how long I leave her.

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 13/11/2015 10:06

The independence will do her a massive amount of good - it's amazing how many older teens really struggle to fend for themselves because they've always had a parent around them.

Sundance2741 · 13/11/2015 21:41

Have left my 14 year old for several hours at a time for quite a while now. I work school hours so have no issues with holidays but she doesn't always want to come out with us. She isn't the most sensible girl in the world but I trust her at home and she can make herself meals. I wouldn't leave her 10 year old sister with her for more than an hour but 10 yo wouldn't like it anyway. But when dd 14 had a lot of trouble at school about a year ago and was unhappy, she couldn't face being home alone sometimes, so it does depend on her anxiety levels. I wouldn't leave her for a whole evening mainly as that would mostly mean leaving the 10 yo too and I think she'd probably be nervous.

We keep in touch by phone plus Grandma lives five minutes walk away if she needs company.

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