My Mother wont give my daughter back

[Dowdemma]

I separated from my ex nearly two years ago. I decided to move area. Fresh new start. fantastic schools and lovely area than before. On the day of the move my daughter ran away and my mum ended up picking her up. I went to get her and my mother and stepfather told me she wasn't going as she didn't want to. It ended up a shouting match as you can imagine and they ended up calling the police on me! Since then communication has broken down and my daughter has blocked me on everything. I have been to a solicitor and mediation starts in a couple of weeks. My mother tried to get social workers involved making stuff up but they dismissed it as it was ridiculous stuff. The police told me to contact social services who told me it was a civil matter. So here I am going through solicitors. I have been going out of my mind I miss my beautiful daughter and so do her brothers. I understand that its hard having to start a new school but putting her in a better school doesn't make me a bad mother. I know she wasn't keen on the guy I was seeing but I told her that she will always come before a man but I also have to have a life too. I have never had a relationship with my mother as she has always been unhinged. I am wondering if anyone has been through anything similar ad can give any advice please. I was told by the solicitor that I could just go and take her but I cant get anywhere near her and will she just run again.

How sad for you? What age is your daughter?

Mediation sounds like the best way to go - your dd has had a lot happen in her life - you and her father splitting up, you starting a new relationship, and then facing the move to a new area and new school - that is a lot for a teenager to cope with, alongside all the normal teenage angst and hormonal upheaval.

For the moment, she is in a safe place, with people who love her - it could be a whole lot worse - she could have run away and not been found or she might not have loving relatives willing to look after her whilst this is all worked out. Is your mum that bad that staying with her is worse than your dd being with strangers or on the street?

You need to give her some space, and you need to try to see things from her point of view. Maybe she felt that everything in her life was out of her control - whether her dad and mum were together, her mum's new relationship, and the move was the last straw - so by running away, staying with her grandparents, and refusing all contact with you, she is taking back some control.

However, I don't blame you for being cross with your mum, because it sounds as if she is making the situation much worse than it needs to be. If you were my dd, I would be supporting both you and your dd - my granddaughter would be welcome to stay, but I would be trying to maintain the channels of communication between the two of you.

Thankyou for your response. She is 13. Yes it has all been a massive upheaval. If only she would come home. I even moved to a house opposite an equestrian centre as she has a love for horses. Its all got nasty between myself and family so Im hoping mediation will help. my solicitor said it will go to court after that as Im the one with parental responsibility. Its all costing fortune (but I will spend every penny I have) as I have had letters sent out to my mother from which she didn't respond but now has agreed mediation after I wrote a letter to her myself. I did also say that I wanted nothing else to do with her (my mother) as I cant understand how someone could have dealt with something like this the way she has.