16 yr old DS unmotivated and struggling at boarding school

[problemteen]

My 16 yr old son has been at boarding school since he was 11 and ever since he started has been unreliant and difficult for teachers and staff acting as if school is just all fun but now he has started his A-levels and it is getting serious, but he is still struggling, not listening to what we say, and arguing with his father. What should I do?

Does he board all term?

I'm not sure I have tried everything from rewarding him financially to confiscating his stuff to warning him what the consequences will be; he has says he will do more and try harder but he goes back to school and does what seems like no work I'm just not sure.

Hello OP

Can you elaborate on struggling please.
do you mean can't do the work at the level required?

Also, how is he difficult for the teachers.

If it is any consolation most 16 year olds argue with parents and don't listen to what they say and the majority turn out fine.

Yes he does board all term used to come back most weekends but rarely comes home throughout the term because we end up arguing about work.

NewLife4Me - I think he is only struggling because he isn't doing any of the work, I know he has the capability to do very well but he just isn't motivated at all, and difficult because he is the only one pushing extended deadlines for work even further.

Did he get good GCSE results in the subjects he wants to pursue? What do his teachers say, maybe he isn't as bad as you think and this is why he argues about work?

His GCSE results were only just acceptable for what I know he can achieve but he is likely to be getting Cs and Ds for his A-level at a school that achieve much better and he has no idea what he wants to do, and everything we suggest to try and motivate him he agrees to and gives up on materialising it.

So he's been unhappy and underachieving at boarding school for 5 years , he's stopped coming home because you just argue about schoolwork when he does, and you're wondering what's wrong?

He has only been unhappy over the last year because of all the late work and constant emails from teachers he has a good set of friends, but doesn't do any of the work

I went to a boarding school at 11 and I hated all the 7 years I was there. Could your ds be really unhappy ?

suger21, I have thought that myself and asked him whether he wants to move school but he says he is happy and seems to have a good group of friends.

What about a good quality apprenticeship so he can get away from school and learn in a different way?

OP, I think the first step should be to insist he comes home every week, and talk to him.
Let him know that whatever he decides to do is fine by you and you'll support him.
Some kids don't know what they want to do at this age but I bet he knows what type of thing he doesn't want to do, you can take it from there.
What support does the school offer, it sounds like he is struggling with the work load and/ or level.
My ds was like this, but he didn't board. Unfortunately he never reached his potential academically either.
I'm not saying he should necessarily leave the school but they should be doing something to help.