Dilemma...leaving teen at home ....

[dee4572s]

Hi all.ninam a single parent to a 22yr old daughter and a 17 yr old son. I have been a single parent for the past 11 yrs. I work as a nurse and have been in the same job for 10 yrs. initially it suited as the hours etc were great for the kids. My son left school - or was asked to leave due to poor attendance - he works part time. I've been offered a promotional post but it's 100 miles away...he refuses to come with me, or go and live with his dad who lives over 100 miles away..he wants to stay here and thinks I should stay until he is about 20...I could go and leave him in the house with his sister and return on days off... I just don't know if he's too young to be left...I left home at 17 and never looked back...I hardly see him as it is as he's always out...all I seem to do is provide food..and clean clothes! Any other mum been in a similar situation ? He's a good boy and has never caused me any problems...I'm just torn...sorry if this is in the wrong place...did have it in work section but apparently that was the wrong section too. Many thanks.
Dee

cor blimey, can't believe you ask. Of course you go. Will the 22yo make sure the house doesn't burn down?

Go if you want to. There is no reason he and his sister can not keep the house going whilst you are at work. Does he only want you to stay so you can do his washing?

I can see my 17 year old responding in the same way. They think as their mothers we are there to serve them.

Where will you live when working?

So you will be supporting 2 households? Will you be leaving your grown up DD in your house in any case?

My initial feeling is that I would stay with him until he is 20, like he asked you to. I am a single parent too, have been for 10 years. Mine are younger though, and might feel different if mine were the same age as yours.

Maybe he just needs to know that you are there. Teens can be a difficult time even if it seems everything is fine on the outside. If he's a good boy, I'd stay to make sure that continues as long as possible

However if you feel really strongly about going for the promotional post, you should. You might end up feeling resentful if you put your own future on hold.

It's a hard call to make. Good luck ??

Thanks all for the replies. They both do their own thing and it seems that I am just here for the domestic chores and money! I've hardly seen either of them this weekend! I doubt that this opportunity will be available in 3yrs...maybe a different one but it is hard...I would be staying with a family member initially if I went away...I'm starting to get fed up with the continued expectation that I am just here to fill the cupboard and tidy up! I don't want to end up resenting them but I don't want them to resent me either....there is very little here for me now...and great opportunities are 100 miles away...but my kids are here....

You should go, as you'll probably regret it if you don't. You're not abandoning them. Xx

Depends on the 17 year old. I wouldn't have trusted either of mine to cope at that age.

If your 22 year old is mature and trustworthy, it's still putting a lot of responsibility on her to run a household with added a teenager.

So difficult dee. I don't envy you the dilemma...

Sounds like you are really ready for a change and that you perhaps feel a bit 'taken for granted' at home.

Definitely sounds like a change would be great, however it would have been so much easier if your promotion was closer to home and you could have words with your kids so that you no longer feel like you are just there for money and house keeping!

Follow your heart, and do what YOU feel is right for you!

I would leave a few house rules

No house parties when you are not there

Make rules about people staying over when you are not there

Contact for emergencies

Ensure DD & DS do their share of the house hold chores

I would take the promotion opportunities do not appear very often

I can't actually leave my 18 yr old home alone and trust her not to invite strangers round. So it does depend of trust and their maturity.
I think they sound like they'd be ok x