17 year olds - still needing nagging?

[beelights]

Hi.. I am aware this is a bit lame but would appreciated l a clear head and some objective views as I don't have either myself (brain fog as a result of recent sight loss in one eye and cancer diagnosis so not thinking clearly).

I have 17 nearly 18 year old boy girl twins. My son has just started the messy room stage and my daughter is just getting over it (ish) but I still find mugs, mouldy grunge and unmade beds etc. I can hear myself nagging and hate being that naggy mum and feel that makes up 60% of NY contact with them. I'd this normal? I feel like I am failing either to have nice relationship or to teach them basic life skills.

I never 'just ask' them to do anything - I tie it all in which whatever they want or need from me. I need lunch money/lift/whatever - right, of course, just bring down all the dirty plates and mugs/washing etc from your room first.

Never give them anything without first thinking whether you need them to do anything.

Life gets very transactional!

If your DS is happy and his messy room is just because he can't be bothered to tidy it up, then my view would be just let him keep it how he wants.

At this age, all positive contact, laughs etc. are worth their weight in gold.

Sorry you are having such a difficult time with your health. Be kind to yourself, do things you enjoy and don't let them get you down

Sorry to hear you've had health problems. It must be a real worry for you. Your children aren't being fair, making you nag them to do things they should be doing anywhere. Have you tried sitting them down and telling them you've got enough on your plate without having to nag them to bring dirty dishes down and can they please pull themselves together and grow up?

Hello Sunny and Imperial,

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I think the cancer thing is making me very neurotic and jumpy about small things and not really keeping things in perspective. I was at work today but decided to get it off my chest and lay down a few ground rules in a looong text lol. Came home to tidy room (son) and daughter promising to sort her stuff when she got home. Now to make sure UCAS forms are happening...

xx

If you contact their tutor and explain you are not fully able to support their ucas applications I'm sure they will give them some extra time.

Glad they are a bit more on message, make sure they keep it up