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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD meltdown, threatened suicide, need advice.

2 replies

Despair229 · 14/10/2015 09:49

DD, 16, in Yr12 at 6th form college. Big change from secondary, 2,500 pupils in L IV.

Since Sept, she has had a couple of meltdowns, both coincidentally prior to her period.

First meltdown during second week of college: after a brilliant first week, thoroughly enjoying herself, throwing herself into the subjects and meeting new people. Second week, a complete meltdown about college and ASs - quite unlike her. We discussed some strategies, looked up student support and helped her make a plan to empower her and for her to take control of her education (plans to contacting student support, possibility of attending some extra subject sessions, revision workshops etc). Period arrived and then all back to normal.

This weekend we found out that she had been lying to us about going to her BFs house, when his parents weren't there. She lied because we had asked her not to go there when his folks were away. During the discussion about the lies, she was constantly texting bf, to try to concoct a story.
Because of this, the punishment for the lying was for me to take away her iPhone.

Cue complete and utter meltdown. (Tbh we - me and her dad were more hacked off about the lying than the act of going to BFs, as she has 'form' for lying. She wants to be treated like an adult but we need to know she is where she says she is, esp if she is coming home late on public transport).

The meltdown included going to her room and self harming, she scratched her arm so much that it looked like a huge graze. She threatened suicide. I subsequently found a note and an unopened pack of paracetamol/codeine.

She was screeching and yelling whilst me and her dad remained calm - stunned silence, probably. During the yelling she told us that as well as lying she had lost her virginity at 14, had been sleeping with her current BF and she had been drinking. She also said that she had voices in her head telling her that she was worthless and should kill herself.

This came completely out of the blue, and as I said, her dad and I remained calm, but completely unprepared for this onslaught.

Monday she was a bit teary, no mention of suicide no more self harm, I asked her a few open questions, in a non judgemental and non confrontational manner about how she felt, and she said she was ok. Yesterday her period started and she has reverted back to her normal - non meltdown self -behaviour again.

I don't know what to do. Is this hormone related? Do I probe with more questions about how she feels? Do I drag her to the GPs.

We have talked calmly about contraception and she's going to get some effective contraception as well as using a condom.

I feel like we have been hit by a tsunami and don't know what to do next.
Any advice?

OP posts:
RickOShay · 14/10/2015 09:54

How difficult for you all. My dd is 13, so please feel free to ignore me, but I would reassure your dd that you still love her, it sounds like she feels bad about losing her virgnity and drinking, perhaps you could talk things through with her. Keep calm, keep your perspective, she needs you to be strong.
Good luck.

BubsandMoo · 14/10/2015 10:12

She sounds like she really needs some support at the moment, I think the best messages to send her in what you say & do are to take her distress seriously, believe her when she says how she feels, reassure her that nothing she's said or done makes you think any less of her, that she still has your love and respect, that you very much care for her. I remember my mum saying things like "don't be so silly, what have you got to be depressed about, buck up" essentially meant to me that she didn't believe me and didn't care. I'd be wary of blaming it on hormones, it smacks of dismissal, and you've no idea what's been happening for her internally at other times of the month. In terms of asking for specific help/support, I'd ask her what she wants to do, in terms of if she's comfortable to go to the GP, or seek counselling to help her talk things through. You could let her know about services like the Samaritans, who she can contact by phone, text or email any time of day to talk about anything that's distressing her.

There's also youngminds, I think they have a helpline for parents that could be useful for you?

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