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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Work experience - why won't they help?

23 replies

MrsRossPoldark · 05/10/2015 21:52

I seem to have been landed with two teens DS18 & DS16, who seem incapable of finding work experience.

DH & I don't know anyone in related industries, we have tried a wex website that frankly was sh*t and despite >8 applications, (can only submit 4 at a time, then no notification of any response) all came back with "we're not doing wex this year" (well why the f did you advertise a post them?) and then ran out of time to apply for others in the allocated week.

I have asked again for help from college to guide my DS18 as he is socially inept, very shy and does not always understand how to approach anyone. He doesn't come across well in interviews (I believe he's borderline autistic & have fought for several years for help for him to no avail).

DH & I are always trying to encourage them but if they are supposed to do his themselves why the f isn't anyone guiding them? They just seem to have been told to go & find wex, but no help as to how or where? We can only do so much. Are they destined to just sit on their arses while all their peers go off and get jobs / wex / improve their cvs seemingly with no help from anyone.

What am I doing wrong? I did raise a similar thread last year for DS16 & was more or less told I wasn't trying hard enough or to leave them to it. Well so far nothing has worked & they will be left behind. I'm sick of being told it's all my fault & that their attitude to life is all down to me and how I am bringing them up. I have tried doing it for them & I have tried doing nothing & I have asked college to help. What do I have to do to 'play the system'?

OP posts:

Catzpyjamas · 05/10/2015 21:54

Is there a charity they could volunteer for maybe? What are they interested in?

thesandwich · 05/10/2015 21:56

Have you tried local charity shops? Good for customer service experience. Or local charities? Do- it website? Primary schools?
Good luck

annandale · 05/10/2015 22:00

TBH my mum got me my first proper-ish job (full time, short term contract) in her office.

Do either of you or DH work? Can you just go and beg your boss to allow you to get your children some work experience, preferably something in your team but not directly supervised by you?

Sounds incredibly frustrating and I would cut to the chase, just take them to work.

Original poster

MrsRossPoldark · 05/10/2015 22:07

DH is in IT but works away from home all week so that's no use. I work in a social services setting where they aren't allowed chess to anything cos it's all confidential (unless they are studying related subject).

DS18 is doing Games Design - he has done some paid work in the last 2 years for a gaming company but they don't seem to want him back (DS says he's tried contacting them but without watching his mailbox over his shoulder or listening in to his phone calls how would I know if he actually has?)

& DS16 doing A-levels in art, graphics, music & history. No matter what I suggest he just doesn't seem interested.

I did consider sending in their cvs posing as them but that's just plain stupid. And as older one is now an adult I really can't stoop to that level.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsRossPoldark · 05/10/2015 22:08

...chess...? I mean "access"!

OP posts:

Catzpyjamas · 05/10/2015 22:18

It's probably a bit late for DS1 but Sony do seem to offer some work experience although I imagine the volume of applications would be high. Also he could check if local libraries offer IT courses for pensioners or Minecraft clubs (ours do) for children and volunteer for these.
DS2 might want to see if the local schools have extra curricular music or art clubs he could volunteer at?
Unfortunately, with teenage boys, I have found that you can only suggest and push so much. I'm sure you are rather more frustrated with the lack of work experience than they are. You can lead a horse...

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 12:59

My sons go to Coderdojo and they are always looking for IT savvy older teens/students to help out - it tends to be a monthly club so probably wont help from a work experience week pov but would maybe something valuable for them to get involved in. Have they tried any companies that do computer training for businesses as they might be in a position to help with work experience too? It sounds like a frustrating position to be in. My DCs school seem to have some system where they have some placements available through as well as allowing pupils to find their own.

My elder son (15) is also borderline aspie and we've asked for help and support for him for years and things are promised but no delivered - I can see him being in the same boat as your eldest in a few years time as we try to help but don't really know what we are doing.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/10/2015 13:04

"We are not offering work experience this year" is a nice rejection, especially when you've seen them advertise it. Are the applications filled in well and do they seem passionate?

Unfortunately it's not very easy to play the system. It's likely to only kick in if they find nothing, and then it's usually helping out at the school or sitting in other classes. It does sound like work experience could be valuable for your sons.

Have you tried sending handwritten, personalised letters to local businesses?

titchy · 06/10/2015 13:17

Is there any reason why you want them to have work experience?

Trifle66 · 06/10/2015 17:08

I'm teacher and quite often need to ask my friends if they will take my students on work experience. Can they ask their subject teachers if they can recommend anyone? Inmy school the students are expected to organise it themselves but if they can't the careers teachers call on a bank of friendly places. So everyone gets placed

annandale · 06/10/2015 20:47

When I said take them to work, not necessarily exactly with you or your dH, but does your dH have some kind of base or office in his organisation that might offer a few days if your DH put a bit of pressure on?

Or could you abandon the wex idea and just focus on work for them with your boss/DH's boss? Ask if there are any straightforward admin jobs coming up, or admin cover, I don't mean the sorts of jobs that need lots of experience but a few days filing or something? Just to get them into the workplace? A little emotional blackmail with various team leaders might get them something.

AnyFucker · 06/10/2015 20:48

IME, it was who you knew that got my kids their work experience placements, tbh

I feel your pain.

temporarilyjerry · 06/10/2015 21:04

I have been where you are, OP, and I feel your pain.

With DS2, his school are organising his, after he filled in a form to say which areas he was interested in.

DS1 ended up coming to work with me even though he is not interested in this as a career. Trying to help him to find work experience was so stressful, his school so unhelpful.

Original poster

MrsRossPoldark · 06/10/2015 21:23

Yep - I'm finding everyone very unhelpful too [apart from MNers of course!]

some places say they aren't taking anyone;
some contacts I have who run their own businesses won't take them because of 'health & safety' issues or because they don't feel they can't be adequately supervised.
some places have confidentiality issues [they can't work where I am as we are dealing with sensitive personal information all the time]
some seem to want them to be DBS checked [takes time, costs money, pointless when you're only 16??]
others are based so far away that the boys can't get there, or they won't pay travel expenses
DS16 used to attend a private school, who claimed to have a wex co-ordinator, but all she did was tell the kids to login to a consortium's website, pay £45 and then submit applications through them - these were the ones who advertised for wex, but then responded with 'we aren't doing wex this year' - don't worry, I demanded and got my money back - what a waste of time/money!

DS18's college is next to useless, despite me asking directly for help and support as we are getting nowhere - their response is along the lines of 'the students are expected to organise it themselves', but again they have a 'wex co-ordinator' who seems to do nothing. I am asking for help because my son can't / won't organise it himself

yadayadayada...

titchy: it's part of the requirements of both their college course[s] that they do wex, hence my annoyance at lack of help from the college[s]

So frustrating!

OP posts:

woodhill · 06/10/2015 21:28

If it's any consolation, my ds is similar. After having 2 dds he is very different. I think they do need some help from college etc.

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 21:39

This is more for volunteering than wex but might be something?

do-it.org/

Original poster

MrsRossPoldark · 07/10/2015 07:53

Myotherusernameisbetter: ironically, I work in a shared office that houses - you guessed it! - almost every voluntary organisation in the area!

I have gone through the do-it website and got as far as actually getting an interview for DS16, but he decided on the day that he couldn't be arsed so I had to call them as he wouldn't even pick up the phone to apologise for not turning up.

WTF do I have to do? I just don't understand them. It can't be just a boy thing surely? I had a classic comment from a friend of a friend that it was because I obviously wasn't ambitious or hard working enough to provide them with an example to follow! This was shortly after a mutual friend requalified and turns out to be so hard working and successful that she had 3 fab job offers before she graduated whereas I'm just a p-t admin who couldn't requalify even if I wanted to because I have no money and already have a degree albeit from 1985 in a totally different subject from the area I work in now (so I'm not stupid, but I am middle aged!). That's another thread btw! They have a hard working DF and I do work hard as DF is away much of the time so effectively I'm a single Mum M-F (full of admiration for those who really are single mums - how to you manage it all?). My mother was a stay at home mum all her married life and it didn't stop me going to uni, getting a great job after graduating and working/volunteering, so what is so different now?

I can only do so much but I can't apply and attend interviews posing as them. Can't figure out how to motivate them.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsRossPoldark · 07/10/2015 07:54

Article here by the way - - some I just laugh madly at!

www.mumsnet.com/jobs/how-help-your-child-make-the-most-of-work-experience?hpblock3linktop

OP posts:

HellKitty · 07/10/2015 08:07

My then 16yr old DS left everything till the last minute. Couldn't get in anywhere and was told by one cafe that they couldn't insure him to use a butter knife (?!). So he had to come to my work for 2 weeks. This meant he sat chatting with my boss about quantum physics, time travel and watching funny videos on YouTube. The following year he was already volunteering at a charity shop so just did two weeks there.

Lalsy · 07/10/2015 08:26

OP, I feel your pain too. Maybe don't worry about the official week and see if there is anything longer term that might fit with their interests, like the coding club, or the scheme that helps people learn IT in local libraries? My dd volunteered for a museum in the summer she was 18 - she had to have a basic DBS check but it was no hassle and free; she had two more DBS this year (we are starting a library , one enhanced and one basic for paid work and they were no problem either. My ds helped in a primary school the summer he was 16. Your friend's comment is nonsense I am sure - I suspect a lot of kids find this hard, and I can understand why your ds1 does. And yes, you can only do so much. Hope something clicks.

Ragwort · 12/10/2015 12:48

but he decided on the day that he couldn't be arsed so I had to call them as he wouldn't even pick up the phone to apologise for not turning up - I really don't know how you motivate a young person to do work experience if that is the attitude that they have. You can't make your son turn up for the interview but if I had set up an interview for my DS & he 'couldn't be arsed' to show up I think I would just stop trying to arrange things for him and let him take the consequences of not gaining work experience.

In my career I have taken on many work ex students and some of them are, quite frankly, beyond useless. Many of my colleagues refuse to take them (making up all sorts of 'health and safety'/confidentiality reasons as an avoidance strategy). It is extremely demanding to have a work experience student, and to ensure that they good experience but I persevere because I can see the value but I do think schools and colleges could do a lot more to prepare students - ie: just basic manners like turning up on time and not walking out mid task just because it is 5pm .

Ragwort · 12/10/2015 12:51

Are you sure that the college is giving them any guidance, or is this just what your DS is telling you? Has he actually tried walking into a charity shop and asking - most charity shops are desperate for volunteers.

ssd · 12/10/2015 16:47

oh god , work experience is the equivalent of the P7 end of year project..ds chose a famous historical figure and it took dh bloody ages to do it all....now its taking me ages to sort out the work experience....does any of these teachers understand how teenage boys dont work?

its all a pain in the arse and of course theres the kids whose parents have great jobs who line up interesting work experience. mine did the most boring thing going and hated every minute.....probably put them off working for life....

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