Background, dd is 13 - always been an average weight child, never skinny but neither overweight. Earlier this year she was very ill and lost a lot of weight due to loss of appetite and reaction to medications. She was put onto a tonic by doctor and a milkshake supplement to be sure she getting all her nutrients etc. Fast forward a few months now, and she is a lot better, but the only thing is that she has put back on all the weight she lost plus some extra, I think due to the supplement.
We aren't in UK and the weather is hot here. She has sports day at school today so when she came out her room dressed ready to go, she was wearing these shorts which she has had a while, but they are tight and short. I told her to change as they look too small. She changed, and then comes out wearing another pair that look just as bad. I asked her why she isn't wearing her new ones, which are similar (denim) but a more decent length and actually fit her (we have bought new clothes recently) . She has a paddy and says everyone wears shorts like that and its what's "in". As I mentioned she has now put on some weight, so those shorts fit her a few months ago, although they were always "garden" clothes, which in this household means its the clothes that are okay to bash about the house in, but not really for going out in. There shorts were still in the cupboard but at the bottom of the pile, she is not lacking in nice clothes....
Where she has put weight on is at the top half of her legs and her bum. Same issue that I have, and always have had, so she unfortunately appears to have the same issues that I had since being a teenager. The problem is that when she wore those shorts they are so tight at the top, that the excess weight at the top of her legs was bulging out as the shorts were too tight. I tried this morning in numerous ways to try to be subtle in what I was saying, but she kept shouting and tantrumming that everything she put on was not good enough. Eventually I lost my temper a bit and said to her that we need to wear clothes that suit our shape, she shouts 'what does that mean, are you saying I am fat" etc etc. So we are now running late, my ds in already sitting in the car to go so I just took my leg and wrapped my skirt tight at the top of my leg (the height where her shorts ended) so all the fat bulged over and then did it again lower and then it hid the fat iyswim. And then I said, this is why I don't wear short tight things as it doesn't look nice on me. Ah my god, once something is said you can't take it back can you... She just looked at me and her eyes just welled up.
I tried to chat to her a bit more in the car after dropping ds first, but I can see I have hurt her feelings so much, and I feel bloody horrible and awful now.
Just as an aside, we eat healthy and have cut back on any junk, sugary etc type foods as i could see that she had began to put on a bit of extra weight but I didn't say anything. She also had to stop all her sports whilst ill, so she hasn't exercised as much as she normally would. I know this will right itself and she will lose the excess she has put on now, but its the mental damage that I think I have caused now........ I don't want her having a body issue, but I think I have created one...
Argh, why is everything so difficult. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells all the time these days with her, she is just going out of her way to be defiant with lots of other things as well. It doesn't matter what I say, do, suggest - she seems to be testing me all the time and doing the opposite of everything I ask and going against me all the time. I think this morning was just the cherry on the top and my patience with her wore thin.
How do I right this?