Aggressive behaviour

[coldfish98]

I am so fed up and don't know what to do with my family situation. My teenagers are both angry and aggressive towards me and the house. My partner is aggressive towards them for this and despite me asking him to stop he still gets angry. My DD recently called her dad a C**T for no reason and refused to apologise, she feels he is because we all clash over house rules and he shouts at her. All I ask is for the 15 yr old to get off technology ay 10.30, for them to help out now and then in the kitchen and for cups/plates rubbish to be removed from rooms.

Last week my DD (17) couldn't find her glasses, I was busy working and so she went behind me and ripped mine off my face bending them in half.

This week all hell broke loose because I took away my sons electrical items for using them late at night on a weekday. He was mouthy and my partner pulled the chair from beneath him and clipped his ear. My reaction was to intervene and tell him to stop as he has previously had a warning from SS for this with my DD.

Later in the day when home alone with my son (15) he kept demanding his things and when he found where they were he hammered the door down to get them back saying I have no control over him anymore which I obviously don't!

I realise my partner isn't a good role model but can also see he is at his wits end of how to deal with them. He blames me for not sorting out the situation so he has to step in.

I told my partner I have considered leaving him to stop the cycle, he thinks we just need to find a way to stop all conflict by stating the rules and if they aren't followed then we take away lifts and money and explain why but don't take his things away which make him angry and then my partner won't need to get angry. Do I give up on rules to keep the peace?

It's shaken me up watching my son bashing the door in and at 6ft I can't risk getting in his way! I have two younger children in the house and I want the conflict to end and the aggression.

I think you should leave your partner. If he has been warned but is still aggressive what example is this setting your kids. The way they are treating you is awful you should not have to tolerate this. Does your husband treat you in an aggressive way? The children have probably picked up your DHs way of "dealing" with things as opposed to the right way.

DD is a bugger and will push boundaries (pretty constantly) but doesn't assult me or swear at me. Sorry you are going through this but you need to act in their best interests. Maybe SS would offer support.

It sounds like you could so with some kind of support for all of you. Leaving your partner might calm things for a week but would you manage on your own? There are some really good services out there like Dbit and family solutions. They're accessed through social services and you may need to push for it. If you say you feel you need some intensive, short term input to help re-establish boundaries they should be able to offer you something, especially if you stress the effect it's having on the younger children. You clearly want to sort this and you deserve the support. Teenagers can be a nightmare and it's easy to get to the point where you doubt everything you do - having a bit of an outside perspective can give you the confidence to see things through. Good luck.