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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

starting uni

12 replies

meg53 · 23/09/2015 08:30

My dd has started uni in Scotland (so fees are paid) she living at home and works at weekend earning maybe 30/50 quid. We would rather she did not get caught up in student loans so have said we will give her an allowance per month. This has turned into a war!!! We suggest 40/50 quid per week??? To much or to little??? We pay her bus pass and phone too!!

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Londonista123 · 23/09/2015 09:03

If she lives at home (so no rent/bills payable, I guess?) the money she earns is only for her entertainment, nights out, clothes etc - is that right? If so, I'm not sure she needs an allowance - her weekend work should cover it. If she also needs to pay for textbooks/any uni related fees, it's really up to you, based on what you can afford and how much you want to support her / her to "stand on her own two feet".

I wouldn't subsidise her entertainment, but would chip in for uni-related things.

specialsubject · 23/09/2015 14:19

so she gets free board, lodging, internet and transport?

what DOES she pay for?

NerrSnerr · 23/09/2015 14:26

If she doesn't have any outgoings apart from beer, clothes and lunches then I would say her job would cover it. I'm assuming she is able to work more in the holidays which will help too. If she wants more money then it's her choice whether she gets a student loan.

BackforGood · 25/09/2015 00:02

Not sure why you'd be giving her anything tbh.
She has no living costs, and no transport costs and you pay for her phone! Shock
She has a job, which will cover her spending money- so why would you feel you need to give her even more ? Confused

meg53 · 25/09/2015 08:11

We just trying.to help her out a bit to save her getting student loans. She wants to try be independent so the money will pay for uni related stuff, food, clothes, makeup etc........ She does pay her gym membership and pays up her bike she bought so really just extra money per week during term time. She is a lucky girl I know but hopefully debt free with a degree at the end!

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NorthEasterlyGale · 25/09/2015 11:36

My kids aren't in their teens yet, but personally speaking I wouldn't give her an allowance. When I went to Uni my parents did give me an allowance as I was living away from home and didn't get anything from the government towards rent / living expenses etc - I also worked small part-time jobs, on and off.

I couldn't have afforded a phone or a gym membership (although did buy a bike!) and must admit that it amazes me that so many students these days can. If I had been living at home (god forbid - couldn't have done that!) I wouldn't have expected anything at all from my parents - and I hated the times I did have to ask for help. But then, I was (and am) fiercely independent and hate having to rely on anyone for anything so am aware I am at the extreme and of the independence spectrum in this respect!

Struggling for money was at times stressful and worrying and I did end up with an overdraft, two student loans and a very hefty 'Career Development Loan' at the end of my 6 years, but it does also give you skills in assessing what is necessary and what is a luxury. The debt never really bothered me; it was structured, sensible and paid off over time. Being in debt, as long as it is structured and has sensible terms, is not the end of the world.

I think it must be very hard to forge an independent life while living at home (very hard to move out of / change the parent / child dynamic) and I think I would try to minimise parental involvement as much as possible. Maybe try something less structured; no regular allowance that she can come to rely on, but the odd 'treat' of a shopping trip for some clothes or books, if you really feel the need?

I just wonder how much she does actually want to be independent if she lets you (effectively) pay for her rent, her household bills, her food, her travel and her phone? Paying only for her own luxuries (gym, phone etc) is not independence. If the amount of the allowance is a 'war' I'm guessing she's not on the side of a lower amount? If she does want to be independent, then she won't accept an allowance; she will walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Independence would be making decisions on what she needs versus what she wants and making a mature decision on whether she wanted to work more hours or get a loan and then managing any resulting debt.

Only you know your daughter and what she is mature enough to handle; hope you find a solution that suits you all.

Blimey that was long - sorry for all the waffle Grin

tunnockt3acake · 26/09/2015 11:32

If you do not give her the allowance I would save it into an account

Part of being a student is learning to live on a budget

I agree living at home is not the same as living away when at uni - child/parent dynamics

I am curious is the gym at the uni or a council or private one ?
How much is it per month ?

meg53 · 26/09/2015 11:58

I hear what everyone is saying about not giving her an allowance but what we trying to do is save her from the student loan route and establish a reasonable allowance so she can buy her own stuff. She will earn some money at weekends and we only plan giving her allowance during term time! Her gym is a private one she has been going to for a year but she is thinking of changing to uni one now save her some money! The fone we agreed to pay off the contract then she on her own with that! Its hard to get it right for them by giving too much or too little but I suppose we trying to give her the best start in adult life!!

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Chopchopbusybusy · 26/09/2015 12:15

You say it's turned into a war. How much does your DD say she needs?
DD2 earns around £40 per week. We run her car and put petrol in it to get to uni. We pay her sim only phone contract - she bought her phone outright. She takes her lunch with her. If she can't be bothered to make it then she either goes hungry or spends her own money. She gives another student a lift sometimes and when she gets petrol money she keeps it for herself. I should also say she probably makes a bit of a profit from the petrol money we give her.
I think we're generous. I think you should be careful not to be too generous. My friend has her 25 year old son still at home with no sign of him ever moving out as they've been far too generous IMO.

meg53 · 26/09/2015 13:43

Ooh according to my DD all her pals are getting 500 per month plus but what she forgets is they will be in debt after their course!! We settling for 50 per week during term time as she can earn on holidays ! She has a five hour contract at Gregg's so gets a bit of money from that.

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tunnockt3acake · 26/09/2015 17:22

I would suggest she uses the sport facilities at the uni. This is a good place to make friends & contacts & probably a lot cheaper
Suggest joining other uni clubs too

Money saved can be spent on other things

I know people that work full time who cannot afford to join a private gym !

Chillywhippet · 26/09/2015 17:41

If you haven't read it this is interesting

www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes

I'm not sure about what the loans are in Scotland but looking at the English loan calculator it looks like the minimum maintenance loan is £2,900 for students living at home. Could you divide this between the number of weeks she is in uni as a guide?

Lots of discussion about money on the higher education topic

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