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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Hates Sixth Form and wants to leave!

13 replies

dayswithaY · 21/09/2015 15:13

Does anyone here have experience of this? DS 16 been at Grammar since Y7, never liked school, did unexpectedly well in GCSE s so we persuaded him to stay for Sixth Form. He had convinced himself he would do really badly so we had a place at a good local comp for him as a back up. I made sure he was ok to stay at Grammar Sixth but just got shrugs and "Don`t mind"' Now two weeks in he says he hates the school, teachers, subjects and wants to go to local comp and bizarrely, do the same A-level courses he claims to hate. There is a girl on the scene who attends this school, not sure how much influence she has over him. Do we tell him tough luck get on with it or support his decision to move school, is it ever worth it, he is not being bullied or left out just hates school!

OP posts:

TuTru · 21/09/2015 15:18

My daughter hated 6th form. I met with teachers and discussed it. I discussed it with my daughter. I tried my best to keep her there, but it turned out she just pretended to go to school and just wasn't. I was happy for her to leave and start work but the law dictates they stay in education. But if I could go back, I would have just let her leave, it was a wasted stressful year in the end.
What does he want to do instead? Maybe he could stick with school until you can get him doing what he wants to do. Does he want to work? Apprenticeships? College?

VulcanWoman · 21/09/2015 15:18

I think the key is you persuaded him, it's hard enough without being half hearted about it, maybe agree to stay until half term, then if he feels the same move. Good luck.

Backforthis · 21/09/2015 15:28

He wants to do exactly the same subjects at a different place? Hmm.

I'd be seriously pissed off that he's changed his mind so late but I'd find out (privately) if he can still move across and do those subjects ASAP. If he can I'd let him move but lay out your terms. You expect him to attend, to get X grades (you know his ability), to do the work required at home and to finish the course or you will be cutting off your financial support of his lifestyle. If he's old enough to make these choices he's old enough to understand that his 'job' is to study and if he chooses to stop he needs to find a real job.

Backforthis · 21/09/2015 15:29

^ And you'll be asking for a % of any wage as his keep.

TeenAndTween · 21/09/2015 15:31

I would say if you are going to move him then move him asap. Even if the subject are the same the boards/content might be different.

Maybe he just needs a change? Especially as you 'persuaded' him to stay, perhaps the grammar is too high pressure for him and he wants somewhere that might feel a but more relaxed.

Can he do a taster day this week at the comp?

Are you/he sure he can do is preferred subjects at the comp?

Unless he has other plans he should stick with his subjects at least for a year and get his AS levels. Then if he wants to restart and do a BTEC or something he could do.

Original poster

dayswithaY · 22/09/2015 07:04

Thank you all, you have helped. He has very little enthusiasm for anything to do with school always has. During the long (too long) summer hols I was trying to interest him in apprenticeships and more vocational courses but didn't get any spark of interest from him. He did do an induction day at the local school but didn't come bounding home with joy from that either. He has phoned the new school himself during lunch to speak about a place - he is never usually this proactive. He is now waiting for them to call him back! I am just worried that he doesn't understand how tough it could be joining a new school making friends and teachers not knowing him with added pressure of A levels. His current school do have proven track record of getting results, think he is looking for something but don't think a change of school is it. I'm so frustrated that he was off school for nearly 3 months and didn't think about any of this!

OP posts:

yeOldeTrout · 22/09/2015 10:03

The current school isn't a good fit for him & never was (socially). I'd help him move.

Original poster

dayswithaY · 22/09/2015 15:33

I agree that he has always been a square peg in a round hole but he has never liked any school so with this in mind wonder if another school is the answer. He is phoning them back today to find out if they have a place. Is there much movement between schools when they get AS results - changing courses then?

OP posts:

JeffsanArsehole · 22/09/2015 15:36

Course change week was last week
In my local sixth form college. Dh stayed til 6 every night to help the hundreds of students change (big college)

OurBlanche · 22/09/2015 15:42

But there is still time before the funding lock in, that's in October.

To be honest, if he came to me, without parental support/pushing, was being proactive, polite, clear about his reasoning and made a good enough case, i would take him, this week!

If I were you, I'd tell him, it is his own bed he is making. If he is sure you will support him and you really hope that this is the thing that will make him happy. Then get him there...

Good luck.

OurBlanche · 22/09/2015 15:45

Sorry - DON'T suggest he moves next summer. That would be horrendous. Really, worse than you could imagine, for everyone concerned. It has always been hard to d but, with this being the start of the new A level structure, teachers would find it harder than ever.

For the best results, it is now or never

Original poster

dayswithaY · 22/09/2015 18:24

Thank you all, teacher has not called him back yet but I'm softening towards letting him change. DH is adamant that he should stay as its such a good school blah blah. But, like me he went to a crappy failing comp in a bad area in the 80s where no one gave two hoots if you turned up or not as they still got paid. He can't accept him walking away from a grammar and into a comp. I probably can. Not sure what my next move should be.

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 22/09/2015 20:50

It's difficult, isn't it? I'd say he should do it if he can, and the sooner the better!

My DD changed schools for sixth form and is finding it quite hard to settle as she really misses her old school, which she moaned about for the last 3 years! If she wants to go back, she can - it is her choice, but she has to be prepared for the catch-up on work/possibly different courses and the whole vibe being different with most students having moved elsewhere.

If he is really sure that he hates his current school, he has nothing to lose moving schools surely? But he has to know that if they will take him now, he will have to really work hard to make new friends and catch up on work. And that it is HIS future - he has to be responsible for the decisions he makes now. He will be classed as an adult in 2 years or less!

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