year 11 boy, gcse and drugs .. single mum help

[notmrscookie]

not sure where to start. Son doing weed, gcse and schooling not going at all well . Refusing to go some times , stealing ,. Have reported to police named dealer etc. Social services aware but not doing anything. substance abuse team involved , Arguments and smashed doors ... I just cant cope I feel such a failure I never planned to be a mother of a drug user and now it looks like he is dealing .. His dad has just buried I his head in the sand and found a new family without issues . I just want to walk away too ... Will it never end ...

Couldn't not answer. Just wanted you to know that this is not at all unusual so you are in no way a failure. Weed is at all the parties in Year 11. It is such a horrendous age, the worst. My ds though not doing weed (like his sister) is addicted to gaming which although not illegal is also a drug. He couldn't give a fig about his GCSEs.

You've done the right thing reporting dealer to police. I'm hoping someone will be along with more advice but PLEASE don't walk away, you are all he has and whether he knows it or not, he needs you.

no we never planned any of the shit did we? was all gonna win best mum award, and raise wonderful cherubs... then reality hits home an all we can do is pull every tool outta the box to try and deal with the crap that is hitting the fan. Sounds to me like you've got alot on your plate and your sons actions are just another thing ... what do you do to look after yourself? d'u have someone you can offload too? or an exercise class you can let off steam in? if your registered with social services, then your support worker should be offering you various avenues for support - ask again!!. 3 yrs ago my world fell apart and because of a bad spell of mental health i seriously negleted my son. he can still throw his weight around and at 15 is bigger and stronger than me, Thankfully SS stepped in an offered us both support.... we're getting there, but its a 3 steps forward 1 step back process sometimes. Sounds to me today is one of your one step back days? Dont walk away but draw your lines and stick to them.. dont let him step over the lines - you cant control him - only guide him. he will slowly learn to respect you more if you stick by your own beliefs. You are not a failure .. there is an amazingly strong independant woman inside that just needs a bit of support... :-)

It seems to be never ending .He steals money so them hides school letter request for money . social services are taking a bacn seat . I stand my ground doors smashed .cups thrown .I scared in my own home .Then be breakdown when I have my one weekend off in a year .,Go out with friends to cinema as he has stolen from friends handbags it that bad . My parents died when I was 17 so its just me and his 20 yr old brother . .Reading get out of my life but first drop me and Alex into town

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can sympathise with you. I also get the smashed doors/walls, or he will run away and stay out all night etc. when standing my ground, and I also live in fear of conflicts (as I know either my principles will go, the house will get damaged or he will run away, or all of the above...) It is a really really difficult and heart breaking time/experience.

We also have the weed. It is as the police said to me recently; rife amongst my son's age group around here. My son said to me a while back, 'it's been around me since I was 10'. Unfortunately for me, my sons 14.5 is friends with other kids (from age 12 and up) who smoke weed, as well as those who don/t. It's a small town, and everyone kind of knows everyone. They can get drugs at a click of a button on social media/text messages. It is a complete and utter nightmare.

I have had to take a step back. I talk a lot to my son. I talk to him about weed/alcohol and other drugs. I know that he sometimes smokes and sometimes drink. I confront him and challenge him when I can. I have had to open the doors of communication and take a different approach to it as I found I was unable to stop him going out and doing what he is doing by force. I still don't know what to do. I feel completely and utterly ashamed.

I don't have the stealing, though and he is well behaved around family/friends. He is an intelligent boy (other than the weed/alcohol) who is sensible overall, however struggles to follow his own advice at times. Peer pressure is enormous.

I just want to say, you are not alone! I am also a single mum (of 3) and I do not know how we are going to get through these next years. It is bloody hard.

Like previous poster I would recommend setting your limits in some way and sticking to them, I am also trying to master this, as like you I know it is not 'safe'. Sometimes it is a case of stating what is okay/not okay for you and knowing that you have made your point, even though you cannot control what he actually does. Stick to your principles in any way you can, without putting your self at risk. And ask for help/support!

My son's school have been very supportive, despite my son being a real challenge when confronted/told off. Anger issues and attitude.

Good luck and take care. The Get out of my life book is very good.

Most kids will try drugs,most won't get addicted and ruin their lives.
What's not normal,however is dealing drugs,and I have no answers I'm afraid.
There is lots of help and advice online though,and I would start there

It will sadly always be an age to experiment but it is so hard and lonely . Have help and meet other parents but it is so hard to see life improve .It cant get any worse . He knows my boundaries but it is hard . He needs new trainers and football boots but has stolen money so i refuse to buy new ones and the old ones have holes in >>> Other parent comment but i have said until things improve nothing new as when stoned he losses things like music speaker, jumpers etc ..