17 years old DD can be so hurtful and ungrateful then the next day lovely

[Cherk9800]

Its like living with a time bomb - not knowing if she will snap at us - she doesn't use bad language just tells us we are annoying, told me the other night 'she really doesn't care' when I said her remarks to Dad where out of order and she should thin before she speak and go apologise to her Dad for saying to him ' is this what your crying about' when he had asked where something was !

She has had a tough few months with exams and started having panic attacks she has changed direction started a new course and is happy with this choice - she has a new boy who is lovely tonight they are heading out and both said 'gosh its really cold as they stepped outside - I was saying have a good night - as they expressed how cold it was - so I did the ' take a jacket if you think its cold' to which I got a 'I've got a coat - ( some effort of a waistcoat ) Ok I know its embarrassing taking a coat on a night out but they both stood they saying how cold they are !

Her BF immediately pulled her up saying her name is that ' omg how could you speak like that to your Mum' sort of thing

I run around making sure she my other DD have everything and every opportunity I work full time to afford all the things they enjoy - but she just right now doesn't appreciate any of it .

Then the next day its all ' Mum what do you think about this etc picture of shoes or something - what should I do about this problem I need your help advice - then I say slightly the wrong thing and bang she is cutting and harsh to me and her Dad

Is this normal 17 year old stuff - I said the other day if you want to be treated like an adult and have all the privileges this brings then start behaving like one - she said ' Im not an adult am I '

Friends have said to back right off and let her learn a hard lesson dont take her to work she has a bike - let her organise her own lift or pay for a taxi - dont run around for her dont take her for the boots she wants - to back righ off and teach her a lesson

I feel Ive made a mess of these last few years in desperation as I had no relationship with my Mum

thanks for reading

I think Mother Nature does this to us (makes them act like schizo jerk/lovely) so that we're glad to see them move out.

Honestly? I don't think it sounds like you've made a hash of the last few years, she sounds like 1,000,001 teens before her. Lots of them are basically lovely people who are just needing to emerge from the cocky-ness of their teenaged years. I agree with your friends, back off a bit not to teach her a lesson as such but to give her some breathing space.

I think there is more than an element of truth in this Teenagers, Tired Of Being Harassed By Your Parents? Act Now!! Move Out, Get A Job, Pay Your Own Way While You Still Know Everything!!

I think cutting short conversations with "Don't speak to me like that" and walking away works. Do it every single time.

I agree, they behave like that so that you can merrily pack their bags when it's time for them to leave!

My 17 year old DD was much worse than that! I used Imperial's approach and refused to get drawn into arguments. My DD is 25 now and a lovely, caring and polite adult. It will pass

I too would cut her short with a very calm "Please don't speak to me like that, when you can speak politely I will listen".

They do can be rather rude at this age, and I remember picturing my 2DDs as large tantruming toddlers to keep me sane and calm.

They do come out the other side eventually.

Thank you for replies it's nice to hear she is just like any others - and you describe the situation perfectly so clearly understand !

I will back off and let her learn by her mistakes and I guess be there when needed and she isn't being rude or cheeky ! I have found this last 2 years I think the hardest learning to let them go and be independent.

They don't come with instructions so hopefully the younger daughter heads into later teens currently 14 I will well rehearsed ! Thank you x

so hopefully the younger daughter heads into later teens currently 14 I will well rehearsed !

That's a good way of looking at it

Yes, it is a good way of looking at it.

I always feel a bit sorry for the eldest as WE parents are going through things for the first time- first time at nursery, primary, secondary, growing through all the difficult phases- toddlers and teenagers. By the time the second child gets to these stages, we are much more relaxed, informed and calm.

As well as saying please don't speak like that try and bite your tongue when you want to advise about coat etc. They hate advice so let her freeze she won't die. Let her learn by her own mistakes so step back. It's very regular stuff from teens and sounds like ye have a nice relationship with the chat. They swing from one mood to another so quickly. After calling her on it then forget about it and when she is happy go with it. It's like tapping a dog on the nose every time he jumps up on you eventually he stops. You are training her. She is not there yet but she will get there. Make sure your dh calls her on it too.