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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd no ambition just wants to party

15 replies

HormonalHeap · 09/09/2015 20:45

Dd coming up to 18. Half way through diploma at college which is meant to lead to uni. She just isn't interested in anything other than partying with her friends. She's looking for a part time job to help with money but just doesn't get the bigger picture- ie her career. Says she hates the thought of responsibility. Anyone else have this?

OP posts:
TuTru · 09/09/2015 21:33

I'm going thru this right now. Same age. Although Uni isn't in the picture, apparently partying is. I don't really have any good advice I'm afraid but I know that hassling mine to do work didn't work. In the end I had to drive to the college with her, enrol her and now I'm just hoping she sticks with it. I did stop giving her any money or cigarettes or buying her anything. Literally just been riding it out hoping she'd see that things don't happen if you don't make any effort. She needs to see it for herself though, coz no amount of telling her will work. I'm afraid learning the hard way might be the only way.
Good Luck. Xx

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 10/09/2015 09:08

Thanks TuTru, I'm hoping a part time job will help. Funny thing, when she wanted to pass her driving test I'd never seen anyone as motivated..

OP posts:
TuTru · 10/09/2015 09:27

My one didn't even want to do that.
Kept asking for lifts, I have to be firm & refuse any lifts now as she says she doesn't want to drive. I told her to get used to walking then, and after a week or so she finally applied for her license.
One thing after another isn't it. Lol

Mrsjayy · 10/09/2015 15:39

Are you funding her op where is she getting party money fro m? Cutting down on money might motivate her to work christmas temp jobs are being advertised now direct her to websites. I know somebody who is funding a 20 and 21 year old when their dole money runs out bugger that

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 10/09/2015 18:48

Tricky situation here MrsJ. Although dd's stepdad dh is the loveliest kindest person in the world, when it comes to his adult children his parenting skills are not great. He still pays their parking tickets, mobile bills and just about everything despite the fact they work. Unbeknown to me, he gave my dd almost $2000 spending money for a holiday with a family member; all got stolen.

She actually does not like taking money from us, and what we give her isn't enough to fund her social life anyway. She genuinely wants to earn her own money.. though would like a job to come knocking on her door! Meanwhile I have told dh to stop shelling out- I don't get a say in how he brings up his 'children', but I do get a say with mine!

OP posts:
OrionsAccessory · 10/09/2015 18:58

I don't have teenagers but I was just the same as your dd a few years ago. Quite honestly I think you just have to ride it out, there's plenty of time for going to uni. I don't regret the time I spent prioritising my friends, I had no idea what I wanted to do at that age anyway so focusing on exams would have made me miserable. The fact your dd wants to work is great! She maybe just needs a bit of time to get to grips with being a 'grown up' it's pretty scary!

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 10/09/2015 21:46

Orions thank you for such an original and different take on it. I think you're right, although heaven forbid I should treat her like anything other than a grown up, she's admitted she's scared of the responsibility of being an adult. I hope you have now found your feet and enjoy what you do.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 10/09/2015 22:03

She is only 17 i have had 2 of them its hard but they get there the 2nd 17 year old has just started college its hard for them but if she isnt in danger and going to college she will be ok, show her part time jobs I guess she is having fun.

Mrsjayy · 10/09/2015 22:05

I said hard to many times sorry Blush.

Effic · 10/09/2015 22:12

That was me. All As at GCSEs then couldn't be bothered. Scrapped through A levels. No idea what I wanted to do. Went on a 'gap year' which turned into 3 years. Travelled/dossed around with various bar jobs paying rent & partying. My wonderful parents somehow kept their thoughts to themselves, enthusiastically suported me in each new thing - Summer working in Ibiza; fruit picking in France, volunteering for crew on tall ship etc part of a long list but made it very clear that they wouldn't be paying!

Came back at 22 with a much clearer idea of what I wanted to do. 20 years later I have some amazing memories and I'm at the top of my profession with a great career.

Just saying - 18 is awfully young and if she's not driven towards something perhaps she need to take a break and live a little IF SHE IS WILLING TO WORK TO PAY FOR IT.

Saltedcaramel4 · 10/09/2015 22:16

She's so young! Maybe studying isn't her thing And She will prefer working or learning at work

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 11/09/2015 14:57

Thank you all for helping me to see how young she still is; she's my first so I realise I have a lot to learn! I also had no idea what I wanted to do at that age..still don'tSmile so I guess I just don't want her to make the same mistakes and just drift. Thank you for all your advice x

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 11/09/2015 16:12

Dd1 was still in school at 17 did a degree in no relation to her career choice

Original poster
HormonalHeap · 11/09/2015 18:21

I would have been delighted had dd stayed on at school; she just wasn't focussed enough for A Levels. I know this sounds pessimistic, but i just know that even if she goes to uni it won't last long as she'll max out on the social life and drop out.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 11/09/2015 18:30

Dd2 has just left she stayed on because she had too because of her birthday we have 6thyr here not form her last year she just ponced about doing my head in

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