Cannabis use

[Startingover231]

My 16 year old DD is smoking cannabis daily, she uses lunch money, bus fare, stealing from me or her siblings ( although she denies that bit!) to fund it or just 'borrows' from friends. Then is asking form money to pay them back! I can't get her to see how harmful this could be to her, we openly talk about it but she just says everyone is doing it and all her friends do and nothing has happened to them (i seem to remember this same conversation with my parents about cigarette smoking when I was her age!) Does anyone have any advice on how I deal with this? How do I stop her becoming a complete 'pothead' and see that she is affecting her own future? I am at my wits end now trying to deal with this.....

Packed lunch
Hide money
Don't give her money to pay friends back and let her deal with the fall out.

Bunbaker I agree it sounds so obvious when someone else says it and I have started doing this, but if she spends her bus money, someone has to drive a 20 mile round trip to pick her up! She had a bus pass (very expensive!) but lost it within a week! and I can't afford to replace it yet.... Even when she has no money she seems to get hold of weed via her friends, do I just wait until they get fed up with subbing her? is there anyway to make her see the harm she is doing to herself or am I just banging my head against that particular wall for no reason. Has anyone out there just stopped nagging, let their DC get on with it and they've eventually seen sense. I am getting better at the 'tough love' bit but it doesn't seem to stop her! I feel such a failure as a parent that her life decisions are so rubbish!

Has anyone out there just stopped nagging, let their DC get on with it and they've eventually seen sense no I've never seen this work.

Can someone escort her to the bus in the morning and pay the busfare? can someone pick her up in the evenings? Can she be completely grounded long term? It depends on her really, 16 is old enough to walk out completely, so this sort of approach may be counterproductive.

I do have a friend who engaged a child minder to escort her 14 year old to and from school for a year, and he was completely grounded in that time too, this broke the habit, but he was that ittle bit younger.

She's 16 nearly 17 and just started at College, I am struggling to get her to college at all, if I tried to escort her to the bus I think she would just refuse to go in! and anyway as a single parent I have to work :( I can't afford the petrol to pick her up in the evenings and there isn't anyone I can ask, Atm I have said to her that I am extremely unhappy with her lifestyle choice and I can't condone it and that I won't fund it, but I am scared of the damage she is doing to herself. She won't seek help because she doesn't think she has a problem! I can't lock her up at her age or ground her because if I do that she just doesn't come home and stays with friends. At least if she comes home I know where she is !

If she is smoking daily and using money that is meant for food, fares etc then there is a serious problem. Left like this she won't stop. She is addicted.
As a parent of a son who is a 'recovering'' addict you have only on choice. Stop all funding of this and don't bail her out of trouble. She has to take responsibility for her actions. It is hard and we did not do it soon enough.
If she spends her bus fare on weed she will have to deal with the consequences. She is not going to suddenly see the light and stop.

I can see what you're saying is right and I agree she is addicted but i am scared of the consequences of say her not having bus money, will she try to walk home or hitch a lift and put herself at risk? How do you get beyond feeling responsible as a parent for their actions and feeling judged by others? do you really have to steal yourself and walk away just being there to pick up the pieces instead of trying to help?

Will she agree to speK to a drugs counsellor? I suspect not. But when she realises that this lifestyle can't work and it gets her into too much trouble she may agree she needs to stop.
If we had done this whenDS1 was 16 we/he may not have had the terrible following years.
You say you are scared of the consequences of not bailing her out of trouble. I can tell you the consequences if you keep gaining her out are far worse.
Who is judging you? Not someone who understands the situation. At this point they don't matter.
You never get beyond feeling responsible and I'm still picking up the pieces and he's nearly 24.

Hi startingover321, I have a similar problem although it's not been going on very long so I'm hoping I can do something to stop it. My ds 15 is using cannabis almost daily and I asked him to speak to a drugs worker which he agreed to- after a few sessions they didn't think he had a problem, more about teenage experimenting- I disagree. I am really struggling just now and feeling that despite putting boundaries in, I'm getting no where- everything is suffering and he's likely to leave school next year with no qualifications. I'm now at a point where I need to try a bit of tough love- give him a basic life- which won't be easy as he's probably had far too much over the years. I wish you all the best as this is very tough x

Buy her a bus pass instead of giving her cash for the fare?

Call your local drugs people for help.

Does her college have anyone who could help? Talk to them. If she's getting grief at home and college it might help.