15 year old will not go to school

[Samn01]

I am new here but I am keen to receive any advice. I'm a single dad who's 15 year old son as just come to live with me, 3 months ago. His mum got herself in to all kinds of trouble and my son, ran away was also involved in selling drugs and breaking the law and last year old had a 45% school attendance. He started his final year of his GCSE's today, or he would have done if he'd gone in. He was due to join his new school at on the penultimate day of term in July. He went on his first day, bunked the second. He is currently on a child protection order from social services due to the trouble at his mums before coming to live with me. I've spent a huge amount of time talking to him about the importance of school, he has had all the equip and everything he needs bought for him. New clothes, haircut, I've got him contact lenses, basically anything to try and make him feel more confident and less anxious about joining a new school. Today I dropped him in his uniform on the road where his school is, and he went elsewhere. I have no idea what to do. He has been spoken to. He will just look at me blankly when I speak to him about this. I'll take away his laptop and TV and he will just stare blankly at me. Apart from this, given the situation before he arrived, his behavior has been good. He is polite at home and mostly just sits in his room and plays playstation. We eat together and spend time together daily exercising or watching a movie or similar. He is very happy to come out with me and my gf for dinner, to the cinema etc... but when it comes to school its just like he has decided that whatever the cost, he is not going. Any advice very much appreciated.

Can he get a job?

Have you met with his school? A meeting with whoever in is charge of pastoral care is necessary. It might be a head of house or assistant head or head of year. In my experience, schools give more help if they think the parent is interested and wants the child in school too. And then might be more inclined to be supportive rather than punishing. They need to know what's gone on. Your boy has had hell of a lot to deal with and lots of changes. He might need some counselling which school could arrange.

Could you arrange to drop him off at school, walk him in and hand over to a member of staff so he hasn't got the opportunity to wander off.

Do you think he could have any mental health issues, due to his life before living with you? (Please don't think I'm being funny suggesting that).

Sounds like he's extremely anxious and cannot help feeling this way. Please don't think he's being like this on purpose - there appears to be a real underlying reason from what you've posted.

Could you try to talk to him, and instead of saying how important school etc is (as this could add extra pressure), find out what he does in his day there, is there an issue with another pupil or even a teacher. Is he struggling with his work. There could be so many reasons tbh.

Talk to social services and let them know how he's feeling and keep them updated. Book him in with his GP - he may need a referral to another service and because of his age, his dr may not be able to do much for him their self.

He has to complete his schooling this year. He was only 15 in August.

Is he scared of going to school? I ask because I was a regular truant for four years. Started off because I was bored then became a habit. Then the longer I was away, the harder it was to go in. To the point I was incredibly anxious about anything to do with school.

I did manage to turn it around for my GCSEs. Got a decent set, went onto do A levels and then university. I then spent 20 years working as a teacher in inner London.

So when it comes to truancy with no obvious cause, I would always ask my self "What are they scared of?"

Oh bless him. Sounds like he's had a really hard time. My children are younger so I don't know how it works but it sounds like half way through GCSEs is a really tough time for him to have to go back to school.
I would have thought that maybe a new start, fresh slate might help him? Can he start again at the beginning of GCSEs? I don't even know if that's possible. Would a new school help? I imagine he feels horribly left behind from an academic point of view and could be worried about seeming stupid because of all the school he's missed. I remember missing one chemistry lesson at GCSE because I went to the dentist and feeling like I didn't know what was going on.
Has he had any counselling? Hope it all works out for you both

I did this ...caused my parents all kinds of grief. From the age of 14 I started - I would just refuse to go....or went sometimes but not often - always 'late' (hours)
I didn't have a particularly happy childhood but nothing too horrendous. Worked out that my parents (and no one else) could physically make me. I got on report etc, teachers talking to me, my parents threatened with court -I didn't care....(actually quite liked my parents getting grief )
I do actually think I have ADHD - my DD1 has just been diagnosed too. So that probably played a part...
But actually I don't really have any advice for you...just a lot of sympathy.
I don't know how you cope with it. What you can do...The only thing I have tried to do (since DD was small) was make it clear she was going for herself - not for me, not for anyone else but for her (currently has 100% attendance at 14) ...it is all about her - and her life choices - whether she gets 10 A*s or nothing it won't make any difference to my life -it will to hers and exams give you choices ...and I know from experience it is easier to get qualifications at her school/that age than when older.
I did just turn up for (most) of my exams - anything with coursework I failed as incomplete and one I just didn't bother going - and managed to get just about acceptable grades (although since been told they wouldn't have let me sit them now as if I had failed I would have dragged the schools results down). I eventually got thrown out by my parents at 17 -and I don't blame them really - I was an absolute nightmare. Took many years and a serious illness to start repairing the damage (now 30 yrs later we get on ok!)
I was lucky in that my results were good enough that after a failed start at A levels (what was everyone thinking letting me even start!) I managed to last most of a catering course (finished it part time) and got a career. . And good enough to get on an A level course in my late 20s, get a degree and a post grad. (although I don't use it now...)
I do think the more I was pushed the more likely I was to kick back...to dig my heels in and also I wanted to see what would happen. I got all kinds of restrictions - eg they stopped giving me money - I got a job, even stopped feeding me - I fed myself (ate mouldy bread at times but I wouldn't give in).
Unless there is a reason (bullying or similar- I didn't have that) that you can deal with maybe you do have to back off a bit and say it is your decision, your choice ...but not sure if that would have worked for me.
It is my worst nightmare

Thanks all, I did talk to him about stating in the year below, but the thought of doing an extra year was met with horror. I know he hates it so I won't make him do that. Yes - this is a fresh start for him in so many ways, but already school has gotten off to a terrible start. I've been straight with him. I've really tried to support, but at the same time told him it is not optional. I am not expecting straight 'A' grades but I am expecting him to turn up every day as an absolute minimum. Tomorrow I will take him and hand him over to the teacher and I'll do that every day this week and next if I must.

You have my sympathies - been there. If you can manage to hand him over to a teacher every day then you are doing really well.

As Unlucky said it seems to develop into a habit so it becomes even harder to go back, so if you can at least get him out of the house you are doing ok.

My DS has left school now just done GCSE's and I'm still trying to get him to do something with his life. It is heartbreaking. Best wishes.