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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

14 yo DS wanting a job WWYD

26 replies

Fleurdelise · 06/09/2015 12:26

Hello,

My 14 yo DS decided he wants to get a job. He isn't in need of money but wants some extra cash to save and buy things that we may not consider necessary (like the fourth pair of branded trainers for example).

He looked into delivering leaflets but had an offer from a local shop to work 3 hours Mon-Wed after school and it sounds ok (as in the hours suggested are not interfering with anything, he would likely spend those hours playing on his console).

Would you allow it? I felt a bit unsure as first he doesn't need the money so I told him that if we do decide it is ok I would keep tabs on it as I want to see what he spends it on. On the other hand I feel like it would be a positive experience to teach him that he needs to work for extra luxuries and I would rather him do something like that than hanging around and play on a console.

Of course it would be a trial period as I need to ensure school work is not affected by it.

Any other 14 yo having a small job?

OP posts:

Sadik · 06/09/2015 12:37

Absolutely I'd allow it - good on him for getting out there and finding a job. He'll get loads of useful skills as well as the cash to spend on things he wants. Fair enough make sure he doesn't skimp on homework, but plenty of 14 y/os do loads of extracurricular stuff without it being an issue.

Sadik · 06/09/2015 12:39

Sorry, didn't answer your question. DD is only 13 and works for us (family business) if she wants some extra cash - but I know plenty of 14 y/os round here who have jobs, mainly shop work shelf stacking or the like or clearing tables/washing up/cleaning in a cafe.

bigTillyMint · 06/09/2015 13:03

How fab that he wants to get a job and not rely on you for handouts! Definitely I would back him up. Has he got a bank account yet?
DD(16) has been working since 14 and needed one to pay cheques in (one job pays by bank transfer now) - she has one for teens with a debit card that she can use to get cash out or pay for directly. DS(14)also has a bank account like that but no job yet. Both of them are very careful with their money - I think the whole taking it out of the bank slows them down on impulse spending

IHaveBrilloHair · 06/09/2015 13:05

Yep, dd has just turned 14 and works 3 hours on a Saturday in a tearoom.

PosterEh · 06/09/2015 13:07

I used to work with lots of under 16s at the local football stadium in catering. It was match days only and they got to watch most of the game. Pay was good too.

lastqueenofscotland · 06/09/2015 13:53

Totally allow it. So so good for them to learn the value of work/money. Also good to have autonomy over what you want to spend money on/learn to save.

thehypocritesoaf · 06/09/2015 13:54

Ds 14 does a newspaper round. I think it's great.
He spends the rest of his free time either on the PC or being shouted at about the PC so we both enjoy the break

TheFairyCaravan · 06/09/2015 13:56

No, I wouldn't allow it because children are only allowed to work for a maximum of 2 hours per school day by law.

Here.

Moregravyplease · 06/09/2015 14:03

That is breaking the law and whilst I was doing more hours than that a week years ago when child labour laws were more relaxed I wouldn't want my DC working for an employer who broke them so readily.

RachelZoe · 06/09/2015 15:20

Yes of course, it's great that he want's to work. My kids have all had little jobs here and there from 13. They have zero need for the money either but they need to learn to work for what they want.

Original poster

Fleurdelise · 06/09/2015 15:32

Thank you all! It does feel good to see he wants to do something to earn some cash even if I felt a bit taken by surprise as he doesn't really need the cash.

With regards to the law yes I have seen it today so I will ask him to suggest 4 days x 2 hours rather than 3 x 3 hours.

However it is a bit ridiculous as my DS doesn't do extra curricular activities as he doesn't want to so I could say kids doing extra curricular activities would be more exhausted than my DS. So I do think it should be considered on individual basis.

Anyway, not sure anything will come out of it as he is still waiting to hear back but it still makes me proud that he had the initiative and he found the job himself and discussing with the shop owner by himself.

OP posts:

HeteronormativeHaybales · 06/09/2015 15:38

Another one saying kudos to your ds. I hope mine are that keen to earn when they get to a suitable age! Very mature of him to do the discussions with the owner by himself too.

I do think 3h after school 3 days a week is on the boundary of being a bit too much, in terms both of hours and frequency (unless school is not stretching him at all - how are his grades?) and am wondering whether they might go for 2h 2-3 days a week and another 3h on Sat mornings?

Original poster

Fleurdelise · 06/09/2015 16:01

He's doing really well at school so no worries there, if he does happen to get this job though I would keep an eye on his school work though.

The 3 hours would be a bit much if he would do anything else, however he isn't doing any extra activities as he is more on the academic side, enjoys skating (skate board) and rides his bike everywhere so he keeps fit that way but nothing else organised.

The way he proposed it is that he would come home do his homework (he'd have 2 hours to do this) and then do the 3 hours 5,30-8,30 pm. I will ask him to only do 2 hours max.

To be fair he would and does at the moment spend that time interval doing nothing at all (PS or PC).

As I said not sure anything would come out of it though but as the other pps said I do now feel good that he even thought about it.

Somebody asked if he has a bank account, yes we opened one earlier this year and I suspect one of the reasons for which he wants a job is to use the debit card.

He had birthday money on it but spent it.

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BackforGood · 07/09/2015 00:30

I would.
If it doesn't work out, he can always resign.
As you say, he'd be taking from time playing on his console, not anything else.
Fair play to him for getting a job so young - that's not easy.

Original poster

Fleurdelise · 07/09/2015 08:16

Thank you for the advice. The shop owner has agreed to 2 hours and we are going together today to meet.

One more question though for the parents of teenagers doing a job, do you keep tabs on the money? as in do you know what the money are sent on?

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Original poster

Fleurdelise · 07/09/2015 08:16

*spent not sent.

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poocatcherchampion · 07/09/2015 08:20

Congrats to him.does he like

Mrsmoneyworries · 07/09/2015 14:28

Fantastic. Huge well done to your son for wanting to actually go out and do this. And good for you for standing by his side too.

Lovely post.

Original poster

Fleurdelise · 07/09/2015 14:48

Thank you! I didn't post this to show off and I am aware that there are threads further down with huge teenage issues.

I hope I didn't make anybody feel bad and I do want to say that following this thread it does make me realise what a great child he is.

But we do have teenage strops and issues, and sometimes I feel hopeless, just putting that out there to let you know I do sympathise with all the problems teenage parents are facing.

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3littlefrogs · 07/09/2015 14:50

I got my first job the week after my 14th birthday and I have worked ever since. (Just coming up to retirement).

I think it is a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

Mrsmoneyworries · 07/09/2015 18:53

Fleur, it's lovely to see a post like this amongst all the awful issues some people face. I doubt anyone would think you were trying to show off. I certainly haven't taken it that way.

I have a 14yo and would love for her to be able to do something similar. However, due to Autism it will take a lot preparation etc, but she will get there.

At 14, I had an after-school/Saturday job in a shoe shop. I loved it.

BackforGood · 07/09/2015 19:04

Fleur : One more question though for the parents of teenagers doing a job, do you keep tabs on the money?

When my ds was in 6th form, he had 2 jobs for a while and was getting something like £50 a week. I made suggestions / pointed out the cost of things he wanted (eg driving lessons) / offered to help him / made sure he had an account that earned a bit of interest, but I never "made" him save. He did save little bits every now and then, but mostly he spent it on going to gigs, then buying t-shirts from the gigs, etc.,etc. I really had to bite my lip for a long time, as I'm naturally a saver, but my theory was that he might 'get it out of his system' a bit and learn from the fact he then didn't have enough money for his driving lessons when he turned 17, which he could so easily have done. When he went to University, his budgeting was a lot better, and he has listened to suggestions from me on how to help manage his budget. It's a fine line, isn't is, about how much guidance you give, and how much they have to learn for themselves. I don't know if he's improved because he learned from spending when he was younger, or if he has just matured a bit. Ultimately my thinking was that he didn't have to be working as much as he was, and this way he was learning that he had to work X hours (in a job he didn't like much) to buy this ticket, or that driving lesson. I think you have to actually do that to know if it's worth it, and can't really be told it.

Original poster

Fleurdelise · 07/09/2015 21:50

Mrsmoney thank you for reassuring me, I felt a bit guilty posting my "problem" and reading the threads further down about kids refusing to get to school or older teens not wanting to get a job or study.

BackforGood I am expecting money splashed on the fourth and fifth pair of trainers (his obsession) and t shirts. It ok, I'll bite my lip even though he does want to save for our holiday next year when we go to U.S. and he wants to go there almost with empty suitcases and come back with them full.

My only worry is that I don't want him to get into smoking weed or anything as bad just because he has the means. So I said to him that the money are his but I do want to know what he spends it on. Not to be asked for permission but to know that they are not going elsewhere.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fleurdelise · 07/09/2015 21:56

And as a quick update: we went tonight and he did his two hours work already. The shop owner is a really nice guy who has teenagers also, who knew my worries and re-assured me he always has teenagers working for his family business and they seem to stay with him until they leave for college/uni.

DS came out when I picked him up really proud of what he achieved. I think for the first time he felt the pride of doing something right and taking ownership and being responsible. He was telling me proudly how the shop owner was telling another worker how DS found the job by himself and contacted him himself and how impressed he was.

To be fair tonight I felt something strange: for the first time I saw a glimpse of the responsible adult he will become. For the first time I didn't fear the future anymore thinking he'll end up not knowing how to feed himself...

This is today of course, don't ask me how it will be tomorrow. But today I am proud.

Thank you all for listening to a mother who finds it hard watching her baby growing.

OP posts:

JustDanceAddict · 08/09/2015 11:04

If it doesn't interfere w academic studies, then yes.

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