We think my 13 y.o. Stole money from us

[Stepmumma2014]

Hi everyone,

So my husband suspects his daughter has stolen cash from us in our bedroom over the last couple of days. My stepdaughter,13, is with us for a week whilst her mum and stepdad are away on holiday. She arrived Saturday evening. We have had 2 x £20 notes missing from our cash pile since my she has been with us. We had a roll of £500 cash in £20 notes and another small roll of birthday money my husband received in a card in the amount of £280 also in £20notes tucked away in our jewellery organiser on the dresser.

So it was my husbands birthday weekend so his father picked up my stepdaughter from her mother and they both drove up to our place on Saturday evening. We ordered a takeaway and my hubby grabbed a £20 note to pay for it but as it was his bday weekend my father in law told him to put his money away and he paid the take away. My husband said he put his £20 back in his pocket. The next morning my husband went to dig out the £20 from the pocket of his jeans to go to the shop to grab breakfast ingredients and it was missing. He went back to count the money we had on our dresser thinking he might have put it back in the pile but it was £20 short. He went looki everywhere in the lounge for it, we asked his dad if he had handed the £20 to him or maybe he dropped it, he even looked in the bin! But nothing. It's so annoying losing cash so we went back and counted the £500 wad like 5 times together to make sure, then we tied a rubber band around it to secure it and tucked it away. The other small pile I put away in my handbag so it wouldn't get lost. This morning my husband grabbed the £500 wad of cash which he owed to his boss and his boss counted it out and said it was short £20. He called me right after to tell me and we both were immediately shocked because my stepdaughter had been locking herself away in our bedroom over the weekend, making a big deal about us "not goi in there because she was changing".

My husband wants to search all her stuff without her knowing and he wants to see if he finds the money or any money on her. If he finds money he'll call her mother and ask if she gave her money for the week to go to her friends house. (My stepdaughter has been begging us to get dropped off at her friends house early to spend the weekend with her before school starts).

Obviously someone has taken £20 from the stack of cash. It wasn't my husband and I. The only other person is my stepdaughter. This is very painful because when the first £20 went missing she was helping me find it and she was on and on about how annoying that must be for us. This hurts my feelings because if she did take money from our stash, I feel she has betrayed us.

Has anyone dealt with this before? And how did you deal?

I would make the bedroom a private area for both of you. I wouldn't want a 13 year old rooting around in there for anything; there could be all sorts of private things there.

The problem is, of course, is that if he goes searching through her things, it's just the same.

I would ask her, but perhaps in terms of "What did you want that £20 for?" to gauge her response.

Our 13 year old stole from us. Twice. I suspected, and looked in her purse and found the missing £80. The second time she did it I wasn't sure so we marked some money and she took it. That time I took her to the police station and they scared the shit out of her.

We have since got a lock for our bedroom door and keep all cash in it. Shouldn't have to do it, but there you are.

I do try to remember though, that I stole as a teen too

My 13 year old also stole from me (£20) a few months ago. I knew it was him but still had nothing but denial.

I found out while he was at school. By the time he was home he had a paper round to repay me. Having repaid me he still to this day denies it.

I would say for you there are two ways to go:

• Keep your money safe when she is around. Don't ever trust her again but don't raise the issue in light of no concrete evidence, or,
• take the evidence you have of her locking herself in there as good enough to accuse, be confident in your accusation and need for her to repay this. The problem with this route (and I should know) is the ensuing argument may break you!

That doesn't sound like great financial management to just keep the money stuffed around the room like that. Anyway, let's say you do search her stuff and find 1 or 2 £20 notes, how will it help? Do you know the serial numbers of the notes you are missing?

You could search but not confront if you fine concrete evidence (which would be difficult unless the notes were marked).
Teens steal money (I did, so did my sister). I would stay quiet, keep relations happy but be absolutely scrupulous in not leaving ANY money, even small change around.
It doesn't necessarily indicate an inexorable trajectory into crime, at all.

My teen has stolen from us. We lock our money away and don't allow her to keep cash. I write her money down and let her have it when she needs it - she has to give me the change back afterwards.

I would just tell her calmly that you believe she has stolen it and that if you are found to be wrong, you will apologise. Don't demand she return it or enter into any argument. With any luck she might return it but if not it's probably best to let it go but be more vigilant in future. At least she will know you know, even if she denies it.

Tell she to take her to the supermarket then turn her bedroom upside down

Or

Wait till she goes to her friends house, then show up after an hour. The cash will be easy to find then because it will be on her purse or pocket.