Where does my son legally stand?

[kg80]

Hi I'm new here and really need some advice.

My ds is 16 and has just got his gcse results, he did really well (in my opinion) but unfortunately didn't get the C in English Language that he needed to stay on at his grammar school sixth form to do his A levels (he got a D), so after hours of searching/comparing our local Academy will take him, they can't give him all of his choices due to the D but they have given him 3 of the 4, a different one that he has chosen and are going to put him back through his English Language gcse. The problem I have is his dad has parental responsibility that he gained through taking me to court, at the same time I got a residency order and he got a contact order (but as far as I am aware these 2 expire when ds turned 16, but the parental responsibility stays in place till ds is 18), ds dad doesn't want ds to attend our local Academy as he feels that it is not that good and has said he needs to look in to ones that are in the area that he lives in regardless of whether they can offer him the courses he wants to do (we have looked at these and on the ofsted report they are either listed as inadequate or good, the local academy is listed as good). Ds has told me he doesn't want to go to the ones that are local to his dad as he knows his dad will try and persuade him that he should live with him and he doesn't want to do that.

Where does ds stand in legally making his own decision regarding his education? From my point of view he should be able to study what he wants to study at a place he is happy to study at, this is his future, not mine, I've had my chance to make my choices so has his dad, it is now our place to guide and advise, not dictate and manipulate.

Does his dad have a right to prevent ds from attending the sixth form of his choice?

If I signed the consent form to say ds can attend sixth form can I get in trouble legally for signing without his dad's permission? Even though in my eyes I am supporting ds and his wishes.

I'm so confused and don't know what to do, I have tried googling but none of the information is consistent, I only have a few days to get this sorted out and I want to do it right.

Thank you all so much for your replies, definitely going to tackle them both, starting with the education bit first.
Pluto...at 16 they can apply for their licence so that they can ride a moped, but it is still 17 for a car.

Poor lad. Sign him up for the college he wants to go to. If your ex wants to challenge it the PR means he has the right to go to court. If he does, the first thing the court will ask is what your son wants to do. When he says he wants to go to this college that will be the end of your ex's application. Stick to your guns, difficult though the situation sounds.

Thank you both so much, this is what I really needed to hear! Just relayed to it ds and he's now sitting here with a big smile on his face

I didn't add that I was a family lawyer, thinking you might not believe me anyway. But I am. So that's two of us here. I'm glad your son feels better.

Georgethesecond, I have no reason to disbelieve you. I'm just so grateful for everybodies help, none of you have had to help yet you all have, I could really have done with being here sooner rather than later then maybe things wouldn't have gotten to the state that they are. Words cannot express how grateful I am.

Just been and collected ds's sixth form application form......a little awkward as his step sister was the one who brought the form out to us! She asked which one of us wanted the form so I pointed to DS and said " he's the one who wants to apply", I then apologised about the situation being awkward and asked if the application was in his name or did I have to do it, she said he can fill it all in. We decided to take the scenic route home to give us a little longer before looking at the damn forms as both filled with dread, a quick scour over the forms and the only thing a parent needs to sign is the bit about the home/school partnership ie-making sure he attends and notifying them if he's sick and then a bit about e safety. The only bit I'm not to sure about is the bit asking if "there are any legal orders relating to the child", technically it's a yes as his dad has court ordered parental responsibility, but all we have to do is attach copies so not too bad, then there is a bit to fill in for name and address of others who have right to access information so I suppose DS needs to fill that bit in too. All in all its not too bad, just a bit scary, but baby steps, DS is starting to take control of his life and that is all that matters.

Should add ds's stepsister has offered to collect the form from his dads this weekend if DS wants her too, walking back to car DS has said he'd rather we dropped the form off.

If the only bit to sign is the parent child partnership bit then can't you sign that and just send it in to school directly? He lives with you so it will be you ensuring he gets there on time etc of anyone needs to. Sounds to me like it would just be easier to bypass his dad completely with regard to filling the form in.

It can all be filled in without his dad doing any of it, there is only one space for a parent to sign the parent/home agreement and e safety bit so I can do that no problem, as DS knows all his dads contact info he can do that without having to get his dad to fill it in, that way his dad can't say that he is being blocked from ds's life, its only to say that he has a right to access information.

Who is the step sister? His dad's step daughter? Won't she tell his dad she's seen him??

The stepsister is his dads stepdaughter, all she can say at the moment is he has been in for a form, once he's filled it in I don't know if she can pass any more information over to him as technically she will be sharing information about a student and I'm pretty sure that's frowned upon. He still seems adamant about applying, I have tried to encourage him to phone up a service like child line so that he can talk through everything without feeling he's being disloyal to either of us but he's currently saying he doesn't need to as he knows what he wants to do and doesn't want him to tell him what to do.

We had this a few years ago when my daughter changed schools. We knew her dad would go ballistic (he is a complete control freak) so didn't discuss it with him until after the forms had been sent in. He went mad when he found out but there wasn't much he could do, it was the right decision for her - tell your son to go for it

Thank you Mitzi, I'm so sorry that you've encountered the same issues, it's not fair that people should try to have such a huge amount of control over someone else! Ds had a 1-2-1 chat with childline this morning, which I think has helped put his mind at rest, I explained to him that's it's ok me saying what his rights etc are but he needs to hear an unbiased opinion, and at least he knows that there is always someone there to listen to him without judgement.

That's a good idea for him to speak to someone unbiased, and I'm glad it helped reassure him.