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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How do I help dd and her (?bisexual) friend?

32 replies

FortyCoats · 22/08/2015 22:57

Dd and her friend are both 15yo. They pal as part of a regular, larger group and they all take turns having sleepovers.

One friend in particular is always asking dd about her sexuality, her body etc. When she sleeps over, she's very touchy with dd and, though there's a spare bed in the room, she always wants to sleep with dd, asking to spoon.

I've chatted to dd before about it and explained some nice ways to let her friend know she just wants to be friends which she has done. That's why dd agreed to have her over again tonight, she thought she had got the message. Dd has just come downstairs and asked me what to do. She says her friend is doing the same thing again. Getting ready for bed, she dropped her towel and asked dd what did she think of her boobs.

I really don't want this other girl to be hurt but I also don't want dd feeling uncomfortable.

I need some 'jokey' but 'gets the point across' sentences that dd can use that won't hurt her friend.

She's already told her friend it's cool to be whoever she is and never be worried about what people think so her friend knows dd wouldn't care less if she's bisexual or lesbian.

The only problem is she seems to have a 'thing' for dd and she wants to let her down gently but once and for all.

Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 24/08/2015 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RachelZoe · 24/08/2015 00:43

She's had similar conversations with her other friends and nobody had felt the way dd has. She said everybody talks about all the stuff she's talked to dd about. She said showing her boobs was because she thinks one is bigger than the other and she didn't think dd would see anything weird in it because they're both girl and people see each other naked in the swimming club changing rooms all the time and nobody is bothered.

I doubt very much that any of that is true. It smacks of "hey...you're the weird one, everyone else does it" thing that teens especially do to each other to pressurize them. Turning her story around re the boobs etc is also strange. Shes covering herself and trying to flip it on DD.

As long as everyone is happy and comfortable that's all good, but I would be keeping an eye on the situation and check in with DD about it to make sure it's ok. This girl sounds very creepy IMO.

Glad she stood up to her though, I hope that's the end of it for you all now!

FortyCoats · 24/08/2015 00:48

I got myself into a right state last night Blush

I'm glad I only have one to worry about!

Thanks for being there folks Smile

OP posts:
MARTIN1 · 24/08/2015 00:48

Confused teenagers with raging hormones. Many a lad went through exactly the same at that stage when I were that age. It may not be about sex. It is probably more about exploration and confidence-gaining. Having friends you can communicate with whilst developing sexual feelings (whatever they may be) is usual, and dare I say essential.

BertieBotts · 24/08/2015 09:47

I don't doubt that it is true. It fits with my experience of teenage girls.

Marcipex · 24/08/2015 09:59

What RachelZoe said.
That's it , a backtrack and cover up that makes your DD the weird one.

I'm sorry but I think you need to anticipate 'Omg, YoungFortyCoats was so weird last night, she thinks I fancy her!!' Etc.

Sansoora · 24/08/2015 09:59

Ive rethought my original opinion on this and I agree with Martin1.

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