I'm writing this about my sister, who for the purpose of this post will be called C.
C is 18 years old and has recently been becoming much more distant and secretive. She doesn't spend much time with the family, preferring to sit in her room and listen to music, or go and hang out around the area with friends. She has just finished school and got a higher education place. For the last two years, she's been keeping a lot of stuff from my mum, mostly where she goes and who she hangs with. She's been on Tinder and has met guys round at their houses even though she has been told that's unsafe. My mum is quite liberal and usually wouldn't mind this kind of stuff if C would let people know what she's doing and be safe about it. She always tells me she doesn't want to let our mum know because she'll 'worry' her (patronising much?), so instead just continues with this kind of behaviour. It's her default reaction to stop telling people if she thinks they might be worried, rather than listen to criticism.
A month and a half ago she met a guy in the area, who goes by a name which isn't his real name and doesn't have a Facebook or anything to show his true identity (she contacts him through phone and skype). Her behaviour got more secretive. My mum saw him once and he was clearly drunk at midday. He said it was his birthday, clearly to excuse the state he was in. I met him a week after and he was slurring his words, blind drunk at 2pm walking down the high street. Guess what. It was his birthday that day as well, according to C.
We just assumed he was an alcoholic and a bit of a waster (does nothing all day but drinks around the local area with teenagers when he is in his 20s). We mentioned to her we didn't think it was a good idea to be seeing him and she laughed it off and continued being secretive. Then it all blew up today when her friend's mother, Carole, phoned my mum and said she was really concerned about the relationship C has been getting in to. Carole has a reputation as a liberal parent and never shows when she's upset and so C has felt able to tell her that:
-The guy is a crack and heroin addict and a drug dealer
-He has a curfew excluding him from the area we live in. He doesn't live there but goes there to hang with C and sell drugs
-He's just got out of prison (C told us he'd been studying science at uni- clearly a lie)
-He's asked C for money and she has given him £150. Some of that came from a savings account our parents set up so she could put a deposit on a house after finishing uni
-She's hung out with him while he's dealing
-She's even asked one of her friends to buy drugs off him
My mum and I talked really calmly with her, and she cried, said sorry for taking the money (she lied she didn't have enough for a holiday we did together so I ended up paying all her travel and food for that whole week) and promised she 'wouldn't make us involved'. But we're terrified that she's involving herself with a dealer who clearly owes a lot of money to some scary people. I know from friends' stories that girlfriends are considered legitimate targets. C mentioned that he had loads of enemies, as he'd snitched on a guy. We kept on repeating this to her and saying she had to cut it off as to disassociate herself from a load of stuff she's out of her depth in. My mum told her to not worry about the money and just accept she's lost it. We made it clear we only cared about her and her wellbeing and did not believe there was any 'safe' amount of romantic involvement. She kept on crying but was only really upset because she didn't want to lose the boyfriend. I've never seen her that angry and sad, actually screaming. She's only known the guy 5 weeks.
C is 18 but really acts a lot younger (mild learning difficulties, her cousin had similar problems with older guys). She thinks he loves her and says she loves him. She says he's going to go on methadone and then he'll take her to a theme park. She kept on trying to get away from the conversation, clearly so she could contact him. It ended with my mum taking the phone and hiding it in my bedroom. We chatted to her in her room and she was just screaming and begging for the phone. She could not see the danger she's put herself in and all she can talk about is how much she misses him and the amazing relationship we're taking away from her. She's saying no one will ever love her that much again and she'll never get any other man. She sounds like a melodramatic teenager but I think she really believes it. When we had our holiday she made it clear she did not think life was worth living without a boyfriend, and that she would take any boyfriend.
She is determined to see him again. I noticed on the phone (I only looked at the Skype- haven't spied in other ways and do not want to) that she's been on her computer messaging him through Skype, saying her phone got confiscated but he should contact her through that and she really wants to hear from him.
What can we do? We're not prison guards and have our own lives. We've tried to talk but she chooses not to listen. Any advice?
P.S. he knows where we live.