17 year old pregnant

[Traceyb79]

Hi all. I really need some advice. My 17 year old daughter is pregnant. We have had an appointment for an abortion but she couldn't go through with it yesterday. I am only 36 and a single parent to her and her half sister.

I have struggled all my life to beat the stigma of being a teenage parent and have worked hard everyday. Building my career up not to a great level but a decent one.

Her boyfriend loves her but he and his family have not been brought up to accept this kind of situation, they are all against it. His parents want him to build a career before he has children and so he is able to provide for them.

I have only been able to be negative towards my daughter which really hurts me but I just don't want this for her. She suffers from depression which we have had to deal with over the last four years so it has not been easy.

I am trying to be supportive but i don't want to watch her struggle when I am still struggling as it is. This might sound really selfish but I just want her to find herself and have her life before she has kids. Something I didn't do.

Any advice would be great.x

Thank you

Advice ? Tricky. Looks like you are going to be a grandma and your daughter a mum like it or not - so the only thing you can do is stand behind her choice.

Motherhood young isn't an easy path - but it's not at any age.

I guess avoid any hint of " you've ruined your life " and other catastrophisong drama. She hasn't - it'll be a different life that's all. As I've said in the exam threads the only real long term disasters are heavily criminal acts or severe damage physically. Everything else is a life change but it isn't a worse thing but different.

Goodness me, I know where you are a little bit. My DS got his girlfriend pregnant when they were 16, thankfully (to be brutally honest) she eventually decided to have a termination but it took her a little while to build up the courage to do it. There were two visits to the clinic ending in walk outs before she went through with it. How many weeks is your DD? Is there time to wait a little and see if she changes her mind?

I hope your alright, I know what a frightening situation this is have a hug and some , feel free to rant away.

What does she want to do? Has she got a bit of time now to try and get to the decision?

A baby is a big responsibility, even if your not 17.
I believe that every baby deserves a chance. (My opinion). If your daughter is happy enough to go through with the pregnancy and hopefully have a happy little bundle of joy at the end then high five to her. Her life will change. All of your lives will change. My sister got pregnant young and her boyfriend didn't stand by her. It was hard, very hard, but it has brought my family much closer together. He is the best little dude ever. My mum and dad we're not happy from the start but now he is their world. Her boyfriend ended up coming back on the seen and helping her through the last 3 years. There are many colleges these days who do flexi learning courses to fit around people. Whatever your daughter chooses I hope she is happy and healthy.

Thank you ladies. She is 11 weeks tomorrow. So she doesn't have much time really. If she decides to go ahead then she needs to start taking folic acid etc. I had brought this for her but she decided she wasn't going ahead so didn't take it, now she wants to. It is messing with my head so god knows how it is with hers. Ultimately all of this will fall on me. It sounds so selfish I know but my two girls have both been under cahms for problems so I drained by this point.

If your daughter wants the child then there is nothing you can do other than stand by her. I was pregnant at 16 and a mum at 17. Not ideal, and not what my mum wanted for me or what I would choose for my DD but it made me who I am today. My oldest child is now nearly 7 and to be perfectly honest he saved me. I suffered from depression for years and felt I had no purpose. Once my son was born I felt I finally had a reason to live and haven't wished to die or contemplated suicide since. I also have a much better relationship with my mum as I now understand why she was the way she was with me (not letting me do certain things as a teen or punishing me for doing wrong etc)
So although not ideal, it may not be all bad. I wouldn't change a thing.

Don't put pressure on her.

If you persuade her to terminate and she feels guilty for the rest of her life, she will blame you. that won't make anyone happier.

She is also a teenager and, let's face it, programmed to do the opposite of what her mother says.

You need to offer her an ear for talking it through to reach her own conclusion and a shoulder to cry on. Nothing more. it's her decision, not yours and, whatever she chooses, it won't be the wrong decision.

Hi I was pregnant with my first at 17 and had her at 18. I must admit it wasn't how I planned to spend the rest of my teen years, but it happened. If your daughter goes ahead with the pregnancy she'll have access to groups for young parents. I found these really helpful especially the antenatal ones. It won't be easy for her at all and I'm sure she's well aware

abortion or not is entirely her choice. But she must think through how this potential child will be looked after and what will be best for it. Accommodation, childcare, living arrangements, 18 years of commitment.

If she goes ahead, sperm donor doesn't get to walk away. He also decided to have sex and must now be involved in the financial consequences.