Do you think you are too wrapped up in dc's lives

[sillygiraffe]

I think I am too obsessed with dc's and what is going on on their lives and what they are doing. Particularly dd who is the one who gives me all the grief. My whole life seems to revolve around her and whatever she is getting up to and I feel its unhealthy as it affects my life so much, usually in a bad way. Its all so complicated and the range of emotions I go through on a daily basis is crazy.I just want her to be happy and safe and I find it so difficult to step back and not judge and interfere. DM says she thinks I am disappointed in the way did has turned out, as she is not the perfect obedient child etc and maybe that is right. Dd is an argumentative, opinionated, lazy, entitled little sod with no sense of danger or consequences and I am sick of the constant atmosphere and occasional blow ups. Ds is completely different. I don't know what to do about myself and I don't know why I am rambling on but I have to change as its driving me nuts. Anyone got any suggestions other than to stop being pathetic.

Siounds like you have it sorted. Near pefect family life. Plenty of money by the sound of it. Why come on here where people have very real problems with their kids

Bunbaker, I read your post and wanted to cry. My dd is 14 (nearly 15) and is also an only, is very lonely and has no family nearby.

I have always encouraged dd to be independent and have stood back as much as I can, but she has started to come back to me for support as she's become more isolated. She now looks to me to go to gigs with her (because none of her friends like her music) and I go, because I hate to consider the alternative (her not going and not having that outlet). Before this started happening, dd wrote about self harm and was very depressed.

Now, she's still clearly anxious about some areas of life, but secure in others. She has doubts about her sexuality and this troubles her and she is still isolated. What can you do? Detaching from that is beyond difficult.

My dcs hate each other and certainly never spend anytime together, other than to have a go at attempted murder. Their fighting ruins holidays, family gatherings and my mental health. I was an only child which is why I wanted a big family. My dh came from a large family and thinks I have a totally unrealistic attitude towards sibling relationships. So for those of you who only have one believe me having siblings is no guarantee of companionship!! Just more misery of living with teens.

I could have written this post myself. I am off work for a few years with a health condition and since giving up work am much more focused on their lives, when I say that its actually my dds life as she takes up all my time. I have started Get out of my life, as recommended on here many times and its rather good. I think I will have to keep reading it over and over until they all leave home!!!

Was it Leeds/Reading? If so, I was there too! Admittedly, DD too young to be there with her friends, but I did say, we should have asked someone along and she said, no-one would have wanted to come with her. So sad...

Leeds.

Op my dd s only 12 but in the last year or so she really started to get on my nerves. I m looking for parenting couses at the moment. They dont usually cost much and only a few weeks or a term long. It s worth making phone calls to organisations such as 'family centre', 'relate' or local councils. You may find a useful parenting course with some supportive parents to share ideas and experience. Myself is starting a free one term parenting course for 8 to 11 yr o as my dd2 s only 9. I ve also put my name down for a teenager course. Good luck

I think the top and bottom of it all is that I just don't trust dd. She just does not tell me things or tells me the bare minimum, and I know she lies about where she is and what she's doing and when she gets caught out there is a big argument where she gets all defensive and blames me for not trusting her! Then I end up feeling like the bad guy. She knows how to play me alright.

Op as the teenager course i want is not yet available so instead the organizer s lended me a book called'TEENAGERS' by Rob Parsons. See if you can get a copy from library or a 2nd hand copy from Amazon only about £2.81.

Snap Bunbaker. If only I'd known, we could have paired the two of them up and gone for a beer at the beer tent :)

It's hard not to be. I think I was. I saw a book suggested on here though, the Get out of my life etc. it doesn't tell you what to do, but reading it has helped my mental state and I have been able to cope much more appropriately since reading it. It really was a fantastic help for me, made so much sense. I only wish I'd read it sooner.

Op just remember 'you are not alone'.

Since summer holiday started dd1 keeps saying she hates school, she hates maths,.... eng... geog… history … pe… sci… ………….every bl…dy day. Because she knows their education is what i care the most.