Phased school return plan

[slippersmum]

Does anyone have any experience of constructing a phased return plan? Had hoped Would get some help from agencies etc but our appointments are in sept. Also they say well what do you think. Having not been through this before a bit short on ideas really. I have written one for school (who have been useless in the extreme) but would really value your suggestions/experience. My dd was out of school for 2 months due to extreme anxiety after being bullied for 2 years.

Don't have experience with this exactly but I regularly write phased return to work plans for employees after long term sickness.

In cases of anxiety i would try a little and often approach as often the thought of going in is worse than the reality so it's those thoughts causing extra anxiety. I would start off with 2 short days: say 9 - lunch time then the next week to 3 days. Then try 1 full day 2 short days etc until she is back full time.

I think theist important thing is communication. Make sure dd knows the plan is not set in stone and if she feels like she's over doing it she can cut back. Equally if she feels like she is coping and its moving too slowly she can do more- but not to rush it.

Good luck!

Dd was offered Monday afternoon, Tuesday morning then full time from Wednesday as a phased return to school after missing 10 weeks due to anxiety following bullying

I got them to agree to a week of afternoons followed by a week of mornings then full time

She didn't manage the week of afternoons so we are trying again in September

Does your DD have friends from school she keeps in touch with? I think it depends on how much of a connection she feels with school. Also whether there is a plan in place for her for her to feel safe at school, it is disappointing that you are feeling so unsupported in this.

Can you move schools? 2 years is massive... how old is she?

I was thinking week of mornings, week of afternoons then full days or even first week just till break as break time and lunch times are very scary for her. No she had not kept in touch with people from school, no friends although she has lots out of school. She doesn't want to move although I think that could be more about lack of confidence that the right choice.

You can make all the plans in the world, it wont get her or keep her there. Where do her friends go? Can u visit other schools? DD was bullied for 6 months the impact was huge socially emotionally etc, 2 years must be hell.

You are totally right Sally and part of me doing this plan I think is me kidding myself it will work!!! In all honestly I don't know how I will get her in at all. She doesn't have a particularly good relationship with staff as they have gone back on their word several times so the trust has gone. So can't see them being able to help and my faith in their abilities went along time ago. Our next CAHMs app is after school re-starts. Oh I just don't know. It's all very upsetting. Your suggestions are much appreciated.

It was like all the happiness had been sucked out of the world. It was horredious. Schools are crap at dealing with it, there is no training, and unless u have been there how can they understand? Doesnt make it right. Trust is a big thing, as is one person dealing will all incidents, and recording them. Move her. Every school has different types of kids, the largest type rule...

My DD missed nearly a year of school through depression. I think the most important thing is that she gets professional support and learns coping strategies with the anxiety and depression and feels more resilient. School will be hard unless she feels well. We tried to return to the same school but in the end, it was better to change school,(a more relaxed school where she didnt have to be in all the time) when she was feeling stronger through therapy and support and could have a fresh start(although she was very open about her depression). . Her school dealt extremely badly with her illness and subsequent hospitalisation, I did some tutoring at home and looked at all options of smaller classes via the local LEA who will have some options if you push them. I think its hard to move forward if you are back in a situation you have found extremely difficult and struggling with extreme anxiety. good luck both of you. btw. she is now at University and doing really well several years on.

Have to construct our own plan for ds2 for September ...

Current thinking is to go very, very slowly.

e.g.

Phase one just to enter school premises.

Phase two to choose a lesson each day (his choice) to attend.
Phase three attendance all mornings
Phase four attendance all days

Only moving to each new phase when ds2 is comfortable with the previous one rather than giving predefined lengths.

At the same-time you need to negotiate with school / your dd to put in steps to stop the likelihood / anxiety of the bullying happening again.

This might be:

Separation into different classes, somewhere "safe" to go to at breaks, an "exit" card from lessons to give her a get-out route if it is getting too much, arranging for her to go / come home from school with a friend.

I agree also with the poster above that the more you can do to teach your daughter the skills she needs to cope with bullies the better so lots of role-playing of situations etc etc.

Have you also talked to the Educational Welfare Officer for ideas - they can be helpful in our experience and should be able to tell you the options e.g. a short placement at a PRU may be needed to ease the transition back to school attendance.

Thanks for your really helpful replies. We are a bit stuck really in that we live in a very small town and have such a limited choice of school eg the one she attends the other in special measures on the verge of closure. I am not sure how she would cope with a school further a field?

Imagine if you worked in a bad place that you dreaded going to every day? You have a choice. Why shouldn't the children. (Just moved one of my twins to a different school) seriously look round her health and happiness have to trump distance.

Oh Sally that is exactly what I have thought about this whole situation! Maybe I need to think out of the box more?

My DD was bullied and I know the mental amusing you feel as a parent, the helplessness, lack of support (If one more person asked what's wrong with her!!! Ffs it's the bullies that have something wrong with them) teachers and schools have no training, no idea how they come home, miserable, crying, anger, sleepless nights, it's hell on earth. And don't mention the lack of support from friends who turn a blind eye! And I for one will not let that happen ever again to any of my children.... Sorry ... Do all in your power to make her feel normal. X

Does your dd want to return to school or would something like online schooling suit her better ie Interhigh .

I have considered homeschooling but I am in hospital quite a lot and at home recovering sometimes (have a disease which is hell bent on killing me) so I wonder about the impact of that. I had to give up work and won't work for about 2 years (all being well) so I am around. I don't know? What are people's thoughts?

What does Dd think? What year does she go into? Could you look at other schools, keeping an open mind? Home school maybe difficult and teens do need their independence, each school has its own culture, some are more nurturing than others. Maybe a few trial days? I did these with dd no pressure to go, a few days to try it out, I was open with the school.