Another bit of hope thread with struggling teenagers

[Blush12]

I didn't post much when struggling with DS1 but from being 13, I have had everything possible suspension from school, fighting, police caution, drinking, abusive behaviour.

Between 17 & 20 was horrendous where we had the problem with drugs which progressed from weed to coke, drinking, drink driving, punching property in the home, him going to attack me, police being called. Bailiffs coming to the house for unpaid court fine for possession of cannabis. Being late for work.

Fast forward a year he has been drug free, through his own hard effort and distancing himself from the circle of friends that he hung around with.

He found a job he loves with a boss whom has taken him under his wing, and has been promoted, now got goals As he is saving for a house, bought a car.

It has been a long heartbreaking journey one which won't be forgotten as I am ashamed to admit I did hate my child at times.... But now I look at him with overwhelming pride and I am so proud of the young Man he is today and what he has achieved. We actually have a conversation, laugh together and have hugs.

Hope this helps anyone whom is struggling.

Blush, sounds like you've been through a very difficult time. My DS is nowhere near being a teenager but another family member is a bit out of control. It's not drugs or drinking so I guess that's one good thing. I'm sure it will be very reassuring for some people to know that there is an ending to these kind of problems and they do grow up and things get better. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for posting, Blush. For those of us in the middle of it it really helps to here that you can come out the other side. Any tips on how you coped?

Clare, looking back I don't know how I coped. I just kept believing that somewhere in between the haze of his anger, verbal abuse and being high was a decent person.
I stopped rising to his behaviour, left the room when he started shouting, stopped lending him money, I would call the police when he was abusive. It was hard doing those thing but I realised I wasn't helping him.

I think also which I am ashamed to admit that a particular bad time one weekend when he was snorting coke and drinking he came home in the early hours took the car so at 3 in the morning I went out looking for him as was scared he was in a ditch or worse killed someone, I found him at his friends house and took the keys off him and I came home. The next day he returned and was very verbal abusive and pushed me and I fell over the coffee table. And I am ashamed to say I lost it and grabbed him by the throat and slapped him across the face twice and then walked out the house. I can remember the shock on his face!!! Gosh the guilt I felt, but after that he started behaving better but it was 2 steps forward and three back.

And in the few moments that he was pleasant I told him how much he was loved and did he want to end up in prison and what could possibly happen to him if he did.

In one way I was lucky that he was always honest with me about what he had done, so try not to shocked at what they say, don't blame their friends. Don't give them money no matter how much they beg. Take each day at a time. I realise that we were lucky that he never ended up in prison, nobody pressed charges for him fighting when he was drunk/high. The police were very supportive. And that someone gave him a chance at a job that he loves.

And give them the faith and confidence that they can do it ... And when they do tell them how proud you are.

Thank you Blush. I'm not good at walking away as I feel they are 'getting away with it' but I can see it's the best thing to do. Will re-read your post now and then to remind me!

Blush, your positive story is what I needed to read tonight. Thank you x

Clare I wasn't good at walking away but I realised shouting and getting upset was giving him control over me and he knew that.

Cleo I am glad it helped. Hope your evening gets better. X

Thank you blush, I still can't believe how the actions and behaviours of a teenager can take over your life and family, not good x

Cleo, I don't know your situation but I sympathise. I can't think about anything else but my DD at the moment from the moment I wake to the moment I eventually fall asleep. DH is the same and DS is upset too. Still, we have taken some steps and so far the last few days have been peaceful - you just wait for the next blow up though. Good luck.

Claire1971 what age is your DD? My DS is 15 and although always been a bit of a handful he's brought new challenges to us for around the last 6 months. Mood swings, total lack of engagement in anything (hates school also), experimenting with cannabis and alcohol and the odd aggressive outburst. He can be a great boy and we used to have a really close relationship but that is being well and truly tested! I honestly wish I could fast forward the next few years x

Cleo, my DD is 17 and a half. Life has been a roller coaster for the last three years - periods of relative calm then major crisis points. In between she's lovely but I never know what's coming next. I'm hoping things will get better the nearer she gets to 18 but I read the other day that things often don't settle till they're 20. Feels like a long way away.

Thanks for sharing your story Blush12. I'm in the midst of it all at the moment with a 15 year old, a nearly 17 year old and a 13 year old. It's good to hear how your DS managed to turn things around. I think coke is a particularly nasty drug and can make teenagers, not known for their empathy, even less sensitive.

yes! hope is out there.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so worried and sad about 15 year old DS. He is not doing drugs or drinking yet but he is so desperately unhappy at home, and angry a lot of the time and this comes out in very angry, violent (towards things not people) outbursts. He has talked about suicide. Although I am divorced, ex has been supportive and we are trying to get him some counselling. I feel so sad. Convinced I have caused this by being too hard on him in the past - he can be selfish/defiant and I am not one to hold back on telling my kids off when they step out of line. 3 other DCs seem mostly OK so far (including one off to uni next week). Sometimes I feel that this is all my fault and other times I feel that it is not my fault but at a loss what to do about it. Mostly I just feel very sad and worried. I want to hear that this will all be OK one day but I am not convinced.

I am in a bad place with my DS, 15. Expelled from school, sent to a PRU, been at trouble at new "second chance" school, got caught shoplifting - which school will be informed about. Drinking and drugs and smoking, and just general lying, thieving and gaslighting. I dont like him at all. I love him, but I cannot understand how I have raised such a monster. He treats girls like shit, is very much like Jay from the inbetweeners - just spouts an absolute load of bollocks and thinks people believe him, whereas they are all laughing behind his back.

He has such potential, and yet he is wasting it all. I just hope he turns it all around in the next couple of years.