Stealing money

[Number42]

We are pretty confident that dd15 is stealing money from us - every few days or so there just isn't the right amount of money in our purses. Not huge huge sums and no reason to think it's being spent on anything more sinister than pizza with her friends or whatever. Of course she denies it. I know one answer is "so lock the door to the room where the money is kept" but that doesn't really work for me a) it's not practical all the time and b) it's not about the money, it's about trust. Thinking (in faint desperation) of getting one of those hidden "nannycams" (do they actually work?) to see if we can get definite proof, in which case we can confront her and at least have the "we need to trust you" conversation. The problem is that at the moment we can't because she bats it away by denying that she is nicking it. So depressing and horrible.

Personally I wouldn't be asking. If you know it's her tell her you know it's her and it stops now then wait and see what happens.

If it happens again keep any pocket money she usually gets until it's paid back, take something of hers to the same value. Ground her. Take away privileges.

Do you 100% know it's her? Could it be anyone else?

That's the problem - it's never 100% certainty. a) because you think to yourself, did I misremember, was there less in my purse than I thought and b) there's often enough other people in the house eg yesterday some of her cousins were round. Do I believe it's them. Absolutely not, not for a second. But can I say categorically that I KNOW it's not them. No, I can't. Hence fantasising about nannycams, bc then I could say that I know.

Count your money, make sure you know exactly how much is in there. Do a nannycam if you want.

Keep your purse hidden.

we thought DD was doing this. she was going for pound coins as they weren't bagged at the time and she thought we wouldn't notice. she took quite a lot. it was the second incident, and the first time I just warned her and said next time I would involve the police.

we marked the pound coins and waited until she had amassed a fair few then as she was going out asked her to empty her purse. she still denied it until she realized she had run out of luck.

I made an appointment with the police, they 'interviewed' her and explained why she needed to stop. we were in cahoots actually and they played it to my tune.

she still thinks she is on their system when she isn't really. the lovely policeman was tearing up the form he made her sign when we left.

harsh maybe? but it did the trick.

I had memories of myself as a teen. I kept on getting away with it and then took it outside the house, until I was eventually caught

Keep a note of exactly what's in your purse, what you add to it and what you spend, and check the balance each day. Also, might be worth putting purse in a zipped bag under something or in your wardrobe, so it'll take longer to access increasing the risk of being detected. If there are other monies in the house, change location, put in sealed envelope. If you are then sure money has gone but there are 2/3 others who would have access, increase the amount you are checking your money - if money goes missing you might then be able to work out who could have had access in the last few hours.

Alternatively, you could just say to the whole family, you know money is going missing, have a fair idea who it is and it has to stop - hopefully this would panic her into stopping. Tell them if they need extra money, you'd rather they ask even if you can't always help out.