15 year old attitude problems

[Tania1234]

I separated from my partner and father of my child last year. My 15 year old son seemed absolutely fine with it. I am now with a new boyfriend and this is where the problems started.

They did get on alright. They spoke and were civilised to one another. Then my son started becoming jealous of the time I spend with him. I would see my boyfriend most nights in the week and leave my son alone, often all night. I assumed he would enjoy this and it would teach him responsibility.

The problems became worse. My son and I began to have arguments more and more frequently. My boyfriend stepped in on one of the arguments and swore at my son. I didn't know what to do and I failed to tell my boyfriend not to swear at him again. My son seemed to see this as an attack.

The situation was not helped when my son directly confronted me about the situation. He asked me straight up "do you love me or your boyfriend more?" Before I had time to think I told him that I love them both equally. I know this was wrong and I tried to tell him it wasn't true and it's different love. However each time my son asks me the same question I cannot lie to his face so I simply don't answer.

Now me and my son are in constant arguments. I don't know what to do. Please help.

I stayed with my dad for 10 days. It was hell. I hardly slept and I was under constant stress. It was hell. None of my dads family have the capability of looking after me either their isn't enough room for me.

Sadly, sometimes adults are that in age only. If you genuinely have nothing to apologise for then you don't apologise.

But do ask her if you can all sit down together to talk about it. If she wants you all mature and independent then show her you can be it and push for what you need to happen.

Yes to counselling if you could persuade your mum to do it.

From my experience in situations like this you almost need to rise above it all as you can only control your behaviour, sadly.

You can ask to meet with a social worker who would be highly unlikely to get involved but might have time to talk to you about support options and possible counselling groups you could attend.

You can also access your GP to talk about your feelings and they also might be able to signpost you to support.

my God if this is true it's terrible.

please contact childrens social services, they may be able to house you until this mess is sorted out.

would you consider moving into foster care for a little while until they sort themselves out?

I'd have you to stay with me if I could.

big hugs xxxx

You know that this is making you unhappy and also insecure - you really are too young to deal with this on your own but if it isn't dealt with it could have lasting effects
One of the problems is that it's so emotional and it's hard to talk about and discuss emotions calmly and maturely as a teenager when you are going through lots of changes
I have a son your age and I teach your age group and I do really understand what a tough place you are in
You want your mum to not just spend time with you but be there for you to talk to and discuss stuff with -and staying away overnight and leaving you feels wrong
Can you remind your mum about stuff that happened when you were younger and that you feel like you two were a team and that's important to you. My son is pretty active n doesn't need me a lot but sometimes he suggests something we can do together whether it's a film a walk or even playing Skyrim something we would both enjoy
Does your school have a counsellor or home school contact also your tutor/ head of year or house even a teacher you get on well with is a good person to start with
You say you get on well with your grandma - can you ask to stay with her for a couple of nights and tell her how much you love and need your mum but are finding it hard to show her
Childline is a good place to be able to talk to someone immediately especially if you are all alone and need to make sense of what is happening
Do you have any mates parents you've known for a long time that you could ask their advice? A girlfriends parents?
Also go to the gp if you are worried and anxious and not sleeping and ask her to go with you so she understands the physical effects of what is happening
And come back to mumsnet there are a lot of mums of teenagers here and it's a very supportive community

In a way she is right you will soon be independent and not need her but you need to learn this at your own pace not hers and you will always be her son.

you poor boy your mum sounds incredibly selfish.
mum what your doing is neglect, you should be ashamed of yourself. concentrate on your son not your love life. My DD is 15 I occasionally leave her for a few hours but when she has a friend over and never over night. your son is crying out for your attention you are prioritising yourself and your boyfriend who sounds like a prick. if a boyfriend swore at my DD he'd be out straight away.

to her son would you call social services or nspcc for advice? you don't deserve this treatment.

Thank you so much everyone for your supportive comments and advice. I will be sure to show this thread to my 'mother' when she gets home surely, if she hasn't seen it already. I really hope she sees how much of a poor mother she has been and changes her ways.

Good Luck

My dss called social services because he felt he was being bullied by his stepdad. ss did step in but they called his dad (my partner) and the only thing we could think to do to help was to have him stay with us more, which he now does.

But that's not going to help you.

Childline is another option. If the bf is ever violent towards you, then the police.

It's a shame it's the end of term because the school is the right place for this, they will have a pastoral care team who could provide some counselling.

I think it's dreadful what your mum is doing. dss can be a real pain (he's 14) but the idea that we would just go out every night and leave him on his own is madness. Although at this age you appear able to look after yourself, you probably are not - not totally practically and certainly not emotionally. And not if an emergency arose.

Good luck with showing this to your mum.
Not trying to be patronising but have you talked to Childline or something similar as they can be really good at advising on counselling etc.
Sounds like you need to tell your mum exactly how you feel - perhaps writing her a letter or something as she doesn't seem to want to listen to you.
Hope you can get this sorted.