Unbelievably I am quite enjoying having teenagers

[highlighta]

I have two dc 13 and 16. At the present moment there are 6 teenagers in my living room. I am in my office which is a room in the house and I can hear every word they are saying. The other 4 kids live in the next streets to us.

There has been some fantastic negotiations regarding swopping/loaning x-box games

There has been an in depth discussion on the best popcorn flavour

There has been discussions on why their birthday is memorable, ie one is on Valentines day and one is on St Patricks day. The other 4 have boring birthdays apparently

There has not been one swear word, but every second word is that something or other sucks

And the most shocking one of all - they have all been here a couple of hours now and I offered them something to eat. Not one of them was hungry The only conclusion I can come to for that is that I must be a really awful cook

[cashmerecardigans]

I adored the teenage years - miles better than the toddler bit. It's fabulous to see them grow up into wonderful, interesting people and I just love it when they're back (now 24 and 22) and we pile down the pub. The conversations were fascinating, their enthusiasm and optimism an inspiration. That's not to say it was all sunshine - I did my fair share of collecting in the middle of the night and mopping up sick (although always relieved they rang me when they were in a pickle) but on the whole I loved it. The way they are so kind with my Mum for example, makes me feel I did something right. When my younger son wento to his girlfriends sisters wedding I walked up with him and hung about. I was so proud of him greeting people and just, I don't know, looking so grown up and self assured, I was a bit teary

[SaggyAndLucy]

No not quite into her teens but on the brink. We've certainly had the hormonal storms though so hoping the worst has passed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[nooka]

I'm not sure how much hormones play a part in teenage behaviour issues, I think that a lot of those issues come a bit earlier. dd certainly went through a stage of being weepy/irritable when she was in her first year of periods, although it also coincided with some crappy friendship issues. Didn't notice anything very striking with ds.

Now they are 16 and coming up 15 and generally lovely. I put this down mainly to living much lower stress lives than most UK teenagers (we moved to Canada when they were junior school age). Here there is much less of an emphasis on exams (the most they will ever have is three and they are much more like SATs) and schools are far more relaxed (no uniforms for example).

Plus ds was a very challenging child and has generally just got gradually easier from about six onwards. We also are quite laid back parents and really don't sweat the small stuff so have fewer battles. Having said that neither child seems inclined towards parties, drugs or hanging out with bad kids so the challenges just haven't been there yet.

I'm sure there will be some to come! I had a lousy relationship with my mum as a teenager, so I'm mostly just very happy that my two mostly seem to like me!

[SaggyAndLucy]

Teenagers behaviour is influenced by their brains. During the second decade of life their brains are developing and maturing. forging and reinforcing new pathways, closing old ones and fine tuning themselves for life.
These developments can cause all sorts of issues in terms of behaviour and emotions. Drink/drugs etc can have a serious impact on their brains too.
Hormones are a just a part of the situation.

[NickiFury]

"I think I got something very, very right with DD"

I was a very compliant tween/teenager and I remember my Mum saying similar about me. In actual fact I was shit scared of her and her controlling and aggressive parenting style and so to her face was utterly compliant but secretive and getting up to all sorts behind her back. I guess she thought she'd got it right with me too.

[farmlass]

First ds started yr 1 at uni last autumn.blubbering to hubby on way home....." You spend 18 years turning them into the bright kind considerate child you hoped they would become and then they go and leave! " sniffle gulp !

[Pagwatch]

Oh I don't know. There is a certain amount of self congratulation which passes me by tbh.
I take some credit for my children's manners and I have tried to model kindness and good sense as things I value.
But their levels of intelligence, nature, sporting prowess and temperament are theirs.
My son with learning difficulties is just as much my child as my very intelligent one. It's them not me. I can't cry about one and take credit for the other.

But I hate parents who try to bask in reflected glory. My children's strengths do not make me a better parent. My dad is an awesome swimmer - fuck all to do with me and everything to do with her willingness to swim for hours a week. When she does well I'm so bloody delighted for her but it says nothing about my parenting. I'm still just doing my best like everyone else.

[ZaZathecat]

It's funny how teenagers have hollow legs when at home, but when at friends' houses they are NEVER hungry! (Or is it just me?)

[bruffin]

I cant find it but there is a great Harry Enfield Kevin and Perry sketch where Kevin is being rude and bolshy to his parents. Perry walks in and is very politely says good morning Mr and Mrs etc
They start on Kevin saying why cant you be just like Perry.
phone rings Kevin answers the phone its Perrys mums and Kevin turns into a lovely polite little angel, passes the phone to Perry who then speaks to his mum in the bolshy teen voice

[farmlass]

There is nothing wrong with being proud of what your child achieves.my folks still live to hear of our achievements and those of our families and we are all in our forties . I am proud my kids took what we taught them and bloomed. Yes they are all individuals but we all have to learn.

[Pagwatch]

Sure, but imho there is a line.

There are the parents who are proud of their children and are pleased for their successEs which is fine.
There are parents who see their children as a sort of representation of them. They see their child's successes as their successes. They want attention and plaudits and credit.

A good example is the parents of the A team sporting child who goes to every match and talks loudly about it. Then their child gets dropped to the Bs and parents interest wanes. I've seen a fair few of those.

[clicketyclick66]

What a lovely thread!

Back in 2003, my ds was 2 and my dd1 6 months. I was at my dsil's wedding with the two of them and it was a nightmare day. DS kept running away and I spent the whole evening having to watch him and run after him while DD1 was in my arms.

I met a guest and told told her I was going to my room and couldn't take any more of this as I was exhausted. I got a lecture on how I should be greatful as I had it easy, it was going to get much harder and wait until they were teenagers!!!

12 years later, I bumped into this guest in a supermarket and took great pleasure in reminding her of what she said to me and how it upset me - but how wrong she was! My two older children are now teenagers and I find them great! They're not perfect, but they're kind, polite, helpful and great company!

[MrsUltracrepidarian]

It's just quite strange to see someone patting themselves so hard on the back for getting the teenage years so right when they haven't actually begun yet. It seems very hubristic. Ime working with teenagers and preteens in a professional capacity, a few months can make a big difference - and in fact you've said it yourself, your dd was very dramatic and moody last year, and has changed a lot since then smile

Yes - spot on.
My DSs are 15 & 17 and are very teenager - until they were 14 they were both delightful - so am hoping we will get that back - their Headmaster who has seen numerous teenage boys and has had three himself has assured me it will pass.
Also, like the Kevin and Perry referred to below, they are apparently lovely with their friends' parents.
I teach teenagers and, at school, they are at their worst in years 9 & 10.

[Lancelottie]

Fluffycloudland, the way they generally respond to requests to wash up, they'd probably rather go down a mine.

[frenchfancy]

Lancelottie :)

I love teenagers. Yes they have mood swings, yes you have to nag them to tidy their rooms: but they are fun and full of enthusiasm and opinion. I've got 4 in the house this week, 19,17,15 and 14. They are currently playing mario cart in the living room, but have played at least 6 different board games in the past 2 days. And so far haven't eaten me out of house and home.

I agree with those who say a 9 year old going through puberty is not the same as a teenager. Teenagers are not about puberty, they are about discovering the world and their place in it. A 9 year old does not worry about terrosism or world poverty in the same way. They do not weep as though the world has ended because their favourite character was killed in a book. You can control a 9 year old in a way you haven't a hope with a 16 year old.

[MrsUltracrepidarian]

There is entertainment to be had when they have to do a chore.
Was sitting here earlier while my 15 year old reluctantly swept leaves off the decking, at snail's pace with a face like a slapped arse like he would rather be don a mine. If he had put a bit of vigour in would have taken him 50 mins instead of 20 . And he was clearly miffed to be working while I was on MN the computer.

[MrsUltracrepidarian]

5 mins instead of 20

[SaggyAndLucy]

Itonce took my now 19 year old THREE WEEKS to trim approximately 10 ft of waist high privet hedge. He cut through the cable in the first 10 minutes. Every time I sent him out to do it he spent 3 or 4 hours poking at the hedge, moaning, facebooking and stomping about the garden. I refused to let him off though. I'd only given him the job because Id thought he might find it easy and enjoy wielding a power tool.
The time before that I suggested he decorate his bedroom. 2 weeks, 7 gallons of paint and 4 slanging matches later "most" of the walls were painted. I wouldnt have minded but his room is about 9'x9'!

[pointythings]

Mine are 12 and 14 and I love them and their friends. They're witty, opinionated, passionate and lovely. They genuinely seem to like talking to me and DH - apparently I am a cool mum . There's a lot of vile prejudice against teenagers out there.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

It's also not really about hormones as such, but situations.
As I said up thread I am only a year in, dd will be 14 next month, so far we are not scarred for life, but I have no idea what will happen with choosing subject options, the first party involving alcohol, drugs, uni choices etc, because they haven't come up yet.
To think you've got it in the bag when they haven't yet entered their teens is bizarre to say the least.

[TheWordFactory]

DD currently has her period.

She is out of sorts and a bit tearful/ grumpy.

This is an issue millions of some face monthly. It is a world away from teen problems.

[pointythings]

WordFactory is your DD taking a vitamin supplement with selenium and zinc? DD1 and I both take one and it makes the world of difference to our moods both before and during. Does bugger all for the cramps, but painkillers are good for that, or (weirdly) in our case, coffee.

[CainInThePunting]

Please could I just explain about my deleted posts?
I didn't mean to be offensive or crass when posting but in the context of where my post landed, when I read it back, it felt that I was exactly that, so I posted to apologise and requested for my posts to be deleted.
In the meantime, the very kind Nicole responded, then my posts were deleted and it now looks a mess.
Sheesh! I do sometimes make life hard for myself by putting foot in mouth.

Thanks