My 13 year old DD has a new best friend from school, whom she adores. However, the friend is obviously quite troubled and I'm not sure how to help/handle it.
She is due to come camping with us for 5 days, but having just spent the weekend with us for DD's birthday, I am a bit concerned it might be a terrible idea.
To try and cut a long story short: From the start, DD and this girls' relationship was a bit concerning. I randomly check DD's texts/social media and saw lots of v angsty messages saying how much they need each other, how they'll always be there for each other etc etc. Quite normal teenage girl stuff, but pretty intense.
Then I see some really upsetting posts by this friend re: depression, suicidal thoughts, feeling unloved and unwanted. DD's replies are very supportive e.g. I love you, I need you. DD clammed up when I tried to talk to her about it so I decided to call school. (I still hadn't met the friend and don't know her parent.) My DD tells me friend was sent to school counsellor, and was told she was fine and didn't need to see her again.
I have subsequently encouraged my DD to bring her friend home so we can get to know her. She seems quite shy but v sweet and polite, and has now spent a lot of time in our home. I like her.
At DD's birthday party, however, she was quite odd. There were only 10 girls, most from same school and all friends, all playing games together. Friend goes and sits in corner of garden by herself, back to the other girls, and literally plays in the dirt. I tried to talk to her to find out what was wrong, but she just said she thought maybe she was overtired and she wanted to stay there. Eventually, she comes inside and says she is going to go and tidy my DD's bedroom (!) and spends about an hour upstairs. It didn't seem to be an attention thing and I don't think she was trying to intentionally 'spoil' DD's birthday, (although of course she kind of did.....)
Later, she came back down and sat under the trampoline by herself. One of the mums who came to pick up her daughter saw her and said, 'oh, she suffers from panic attacks, didn't her mum tell you?' But although I've met the mum several times, she has not mentioned anything.
This weekend, I also saw she had scars up her leg, obviously a result of self-harming. I asked my DD about them once friend had left and she said she'd done them at primary school as she was bullied. DD was in tears as she told me - she obviously finds the whole thing quite a lot to deal with and feels a responsibility to support her friend.
So, I'm now wondering how this camping trip is going to work out. We are going with many other families and so will be in a big group all the time. It will be very hard for this girl to get some time alone if that's what she needs, and I wonder if she will be happy with us.
From a selfish point of view - At 13, my own DD is full of hormones and can be really, horribly stroppy. I've also got 2 other kids who are younger and a DH who doesn't love camping at the best of times. The thought of trying to manage an extra set of specific needs over the 5 days isn't exactly filling me with joy.....
Should I call her mum to talk about it? I don't know her well, English is her second language, the dad isn't around, and she obviously hasn't mentioned any of her daughter's troubles to me - so I feel I would need to be particularly tactful in what I say (not a strong point, if I'm honest, which is why I'm reticent to pick up the phone).
WWYD? All and any advice gratefully received.