Where has my beautiful boy gone- update ( there is hope)

[summer68]

I posted on here over a year ago, looking for emotional support when my loving sweet son changed into an unstable, aggressive volatile and vulnerable person who I couldn't believe was my son. My Dh and I had a very turbulent year with our DS . He would stay away for days, was aggressive ( sometimes hitting his dad) I was scared of him . My dd was scared of him. But we were also afraid he would leave home and that he was very vulnerable under all his aggression. I read " get out of my life" from cover to cover in one sitting. It helped us to understand our DS a bit. I cried so often for the little boy I thought was gone forever. I got through the worst times by posting on here and getting really good support. While I felt I had to distance myself from my DS ( I found him so aggressive) my Dh followed the advice in the book and showered our DS in kindness - yes even after my DS had taken a swipe at him! ( my husband is a strong man and took the punches )
When my DS was arrested it was his dad that he called and who went to the station until 3 am with him.
Very slowly my DS began to calm down and began to come back to us- it's taken me a while to trust him again though. He has now become a " normal" teenager and I can sit and have lovely chats with him- when he asked me to watch a film with him - (inside I was overjoyed) .
Every body said he would come back - I didn't believe it- but he has!
I just wanted to give hope to others parents of teens who may be going through tough times. Thers no magic solution but I believe my husbands patience and kindness helped. Xxx

That is lovely OP

Lovely, and well done to both you and DH. Sending you all best wishes.

Lovely to hear that. How old is your son. I've found mine difficult (15/16) and have also read that book. What helped you most from that book?

Thank you for poting this-I need to hear this right now as I feel my ds has become someone I no longer know (or like) x

Hi summer,

Thank you so much for updating your thread, my wife and I are in a not so good place at the moment with our son and reading your update sort of gives me hope that we will get through it

My post is "16 year old boy" and like you I have just updated it but that is only after last week when he using a six iron golf club and smashed our BT Router into pieces, and throw a MP3 speaker which smashed a picture on the wall

May I ask how old your son is now and is there anything you can remember that was a turning point to get your son back as like my wife I miss my son so much

I remember your thread last year. Thank you so much for updating.

Ahhh...so good to hear! My turbulent son has become a Daddy to a beautiful little girl..both parents living together, continuing their education and doting on their daughter! Thanks for update! x

Oh my, this is just the cutest thing i've ever heard summer68! Sure it wasn't summer of 69 though? Haha, i'm just pulling your leg. It really is beautiful to hear such nice things though, i've been through a similar experience with a few of my little rascals but through perseverance and the occasional firm hand (if you know what I mean) the story has a happy ending. Thanks for sharing, it will give a lot of hope to mums who are also in your position x

Thank you for your messages- I did write a reply a couple of days ago, but it's seems it hasn't appeared on this thread.
Congratulations smiley Forest! Good to hear things have settled for you too.
Answer to questions/ comments
My son is nearly 18 - just finished his A levels. Which is amassing in itself we were not sure he make it to the end.
From the book- for me it was understanding that my da needed to break away from me and that he didn't hate me!
For my Dh it was a couple of lines that said to show the teen how to be a good person- even when things get tough.

Smiley forest and I held on to hope - sometimes it's all you have- so I just wanted to offer some to those of you who are going through tough times -( I feel for you "unsupported." ) hope, hope, hope. Xxx

You must be proud of him finishing his A levels, and you and your husband need to be proud that you got through this stage

Thank you so much for your update, I know you understand how important it is to have these messages, certainly helps me to get through my problems

that's lovely news thanks for updating - i watched your thread with sympathy and fellow feeling - my 17 yr old is emerging as human again hallelbloodyulleiah.

Oh I remember reading your earlier thread and it being so, so sad. My own DS is only 18 months and the thought of uncontrollable teenage years terrify me.

What a fantastic update to read. I'm so happy for you and your lovely sounding family.

You deserve every happy moment for sticking by your boy through the good and the bad which I think is the sign of truly magnificent parents.

So lovely to hear this. I guess there's a natural tendency to post here when things are bad and then drift off when they improve and you don't need the support so much. One hopeful story like this can help me stay calm(er) for days. Thank you.

Thank you so much for the update. I have a nephew who went through a similar period and is sad how much it effects the entire family. He is now an snagging kind lovely boy at uni trying to carve a career out for himself. I really believe that killing him with kindness was what got him and us through. It nearly broke my dsis though but it's amazing how quickly the damage was undone, a testament to power of the love between parents and children. So happy for you op.

Thank you for coming back to tell us of the turn around.
I'm glad he's doing so well now.
Well done to you and your dh for loving him even when you couldn't like what he was doing.