Really unruly teenager!

[Lottie4545]

DD 14 is making life pretty difficult at the moment. She was well behaved, kind, polite etc till year 8 (puberty!), I used to enjoy parents evening and opening reports. Fast forward two years and things could not be more different!

She is very rude and disrespectful (stompy, eyerolling, slamming,arguing), she does no work, she won't take up a hobby, she will not conform in any way shape or form, she argues CONSTANTLY, she is very selfish and is just generally making life difficult for those around her. Now due to this behaviour she has got herself a bit of a reputation at school so they are always watching her (not surprising) so she has daily periods of isolation, detentions etc. and she just does not give a shit and in fact finds it quite amusing. She is very close to being asked to leave current school and I'm pretty despairing. She is "class clown" with attitude and doesn't involve herself in serious behaviour but the constant disruption is getting tiring for all. At home she is difficult but I'm not sure how much more difficult than your average teenager. She is lazy around the house and requires much pestering to do anything but she isn't a tearaway and will do as I've asked but after a fair bit of stomping eye rolling and speeches about how unfair everything is and she will leave if I carry on but then does it and is embarrassed by her dramatic outbursts. She likes to spend her free time gossiping with friends, going for dinner and being glued to her phone. She has a strong circle of friends and I don't think anything is happening she is worried about. She does tell me everything (sometimes to much and I wish she'd hold back a bit!).

In short anyone had a similar issue?! I have tried endless things ranging from phone removal, grounding to the more positive end of the spectrum with rewards for good behaviour. Nothing has ever made the tiniest bit of difference! I find it so frustrating watching her muck everything up so much and her not being able to see its her shes mucking up!

She just struggled to settle, having previously been in very small schools, in one class all day, she found it hard to be moving all the time by the time he'd settled it was time to move on. She had some issues in the beginning with a few girls, think the common low level bullying behaviour (freezing out, turning on DD etc). I get what your saying but school does tend to be one rule for one not for the others and there is a sense of unfairness in it (although I'd not say that to DD ) and example of this being one girl, who happens to have governor parents has had regular physical fights and has smoked cannabis in school. She got one days isolation for smoking cannabis , DD got two weeks in isolation for leaving litter in a classroom. To be honest that is pretty unfair and sends out a pretty shitty signal!

DD tries to co-operate but things are never plain sailing for long enough to get her out of the spotlight! Trying to think of a way to word this but DD is not really mainstream in many ways, however she also would not fit criteria for specialist school.

Oh believe me I have tried. I sound like a broken bloody record but she takes it in board for a day maybe two then reverts back. She had a good week or two a few weeks ago and she felt it went un noticed which it didn't she was rewarded and praised loads by me! She knows the consequences she just doesn't seem to hold it together for long enough for people to notice it, then if its not noticed she kind of throws the towel in. She hasn't got the maturity yet to think she's doing it for herself and her future, she wants to do it to be made a fuss of, which doesn't happen in secondary as much ! Wish there was someway I could make her see

They are taking a 0 tolerance approach atm which works for loads of kids but DD not so. I have a meeting on Thursday and governors have been invited which has triggered a few alarm bells!