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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Stretch marks and shy teen boy.

25 replies

WankerDeAsalWipe · 21/06/2015 23:52

DS2 who will be 14 in a couple of months is really shy about his body - it's making booking a holiday difficult as he won't go in a pool etc (that's a whole different thread!)

Anyway, we found out on Friday night that we had head lice (again another thread :o ) Part of the treatment involved me plastering his hair in shampoo before he went in the shower so I got him to take his top off before doing it so he didn't get it all shampoo covered if he took it off afterwards. His back was quite spotty so I managed to gently approach that topic as I had stuff he could apply to it and I did it for him. He is also a little bit overweight at the moment. He is one of those that bulks out and then stretches up so I am not concerned about it - it's what they would have called a little puppy fat in years past. He is currently coming up for 5'11 but is expected to be about 6'4" so a bit of growing to go yet. He eats a fairly healthy diet but we are watching his portions at the moment just so that he doesn't put on any more.

What i also noticed is that he has quite a lot of stretch marks across his hips/back and arms. I really don't want him to think that i was staring and examining him. I got away with the spots by just being really casual about it and when I was nit combing his hair again tonight I got him to let me spray his back again me spraying and rubbing in under the t-shirt he had on).

I feel so sorry for him re the stretch marks and want to help, but I don't even know if he will be aware of those as he kept his chest out of view so i don't know if he has any on his front. I think me mentioning them will just make him feel worse.

He is a handsome lad who should be confident and hanging round with friends and discovering girls etc but is instead hiding himself even from those who love him :(

Does anyone have any experience or advice?

OP posts:

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/06/2015 23:56

my son has those - he got them when he was overweight as a young teen.
But now that he has slimmed down they are much less noticable, have faded.
If you google it you might find some dietary advice, I seem to remember peaches and milk for some reason.....

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 21/06/2015 23:59

Thanks Sunny, do you mean eating things like that helps the skin be more flexible to prevent them or that helps them fade or do you mean rubbing it on? Sorry being a bit thick, I really should be in bed- work in the morning :(

OP posts:

griselda101 · 22/06/2015 00:02

they are perfectly normal. do you or your partner have any (e.g from pregnancy or teen years etc)? If so can you bring your marks up to him somehow in an offhand manner as if you're talking about something else then slip it into conversation to show you're not bothered about them.

there's little he can do about them but they will fade somewhat with time. the last thing you want to do is give him a complex about them so don't bring up his. Just act as if they are the most normal thing in the world and he will feel that way too.

AlpacaMyBags · 22/06/2015 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yellowcurtains · 22/06/2015 00:05

Are they at the sides or on his spine? My DH has them- base of spine and backs of knees, because he shot up so quickly. They're very soft and silvery (not a bit like pg stretch marks!!) and I've always found them endearing.

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/06/2015 00:08

Thanks, I found an article about it and the foods that can help as they are collagen rich. Yes, you are right that he doesn't moisturise - he does have some he is supposed to use on his face - DS1 has been told to use pure soap to help his spots so they have both been using that rather than shower gel or anything so perhaps his skin is drier than it should be - it's a bit of a balancing act.

I have really bad pregnancy stretchmarks - I am very fair skinned and both boys were large and only 13 months apart - I had a huge bump both times- although they aren't red anymore, they are still pretty obvious - i don't think him seeing those would help. DH doesn't have any that I am aware of.

OP posts:

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/06/2015 00:10

base of his spine, across his hips and upper arms. he lives in shorts so his legs seem fine as far as the knees anyway. He had pj bottoms on when I saw his back so only saw what was bare at that time.

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 22/06/2015 00:11

They are normal & will fade. DS1 & DS3 both have them on their backs, thanks to growth spurts at 14. They are both very tall, slim young men who have never been overweight. I remember being quite shocked seeing DS1's back, because I had no idea teens got stretch marks & had to google it. DS1's have now faded almost completely, he's 21. DS3 is 17 & his are still quite vivid. He's a bit self-conscious, but he knows that they'll fade in time because he's seen that his brother's have. I have no advice on what you can do to treat them, I don't actually think you can do anything tbh, but just wanted to reassure that they are normal & lots of teens have them.

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/06/2015 00:16

thanks all. DS1 is coming up 15 and 6'1" so far - he is a slimmer build altogether and although he has grown 3.5 inches each year for the last 2 years, he doesn't have any marks (he isn't very shy about his body other than the normal private places).

OP posts:

griselda101 · 22/06/2015 00:16

i got really hung up about mine as a teen so I think it's important they know how normal they are, if you're able to find a way of telling them that they will feel better about it in future, last thing you want is them getting a complex about it which might happen if it's never discussed, however the way you discuss it is key - just make it sound like the most normal, boring thing in the world!

ILovedYouYesterday · 22/06/2015 00:18

DS2 had loads at one point but they are barely noticable now (he's 18 and about 6'3'')

I was worried as I got terrible, huge ones, everywhere, when pregnant with DS1, 20 years ago, which are still very obvious now and will never go completely but he hasn't been the same, thankfully.

DramaAlpaca · 22/06/2015 00:20

It's funny how different children in the same family can be. DS2, who is 20, has no stretch marks at all. He didn't have the same huge growth spurt & has stopped at 5'11, whereas the other two are 6'2 and 6'3.

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/06/2015 00:21

that's sort of what I did with the spots griselda, I just casually said "oh I see you have a few spots on your back there, that'll probably be a bit itchy and annoying, I'll just put a bit of this spray on them to clear them up for you while I'm here" He is a clever lad and knows that he is going though puberty - he never used to be shy :(

OP posts:

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/06/2015 00:23

Aww it's great to hear all the positive stuff about how well the heal and fade - I guess they have so much younger skin than mine when I was pregnant.

All these tall boys too - we will be giving the dutch a run for their money soon!

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tilliebob · 22/06/2015 07:47

My eldest ds is like a pipe cleaner but has really deep stretch marks on his back from growing so quickly. He will let me massage bio oil into them but they the do fade away just to be replaced by more. His issues with stripping off and going in pools is more to do with his extremely hairy matchstick legs!

SunnyBaudelaire · 22/06/2015 09:02

ha ha no I meant foods to eat not rub in.....

pasanda · 22/06/2015 15:53

As an aside….what spray do you used to clear up spots on his back and does it work??

Thanks

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/06/2015 16:11

DS1 has Zineryt and Adapalene on prescription which seems to be helping.

DS2 just had some pimples on his face rather than the larger areas of acne that DS1 had, so on advice from other threads on here I ordered him Antiac - it came as a largish spray bottle with a free small tube of gel serum - he has been using the little bottle on his face but I broke out the big bottle for his back. Too soon to say if it will help on there, but the gel seemed good on his face.

OP posts:

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/06/2015 16:12

The zineryt and adapalene cleared DS1s back and chest really quickly - his face has taken longer.

OP posts:

Travelledtheworld · 22/06/2015 20:59

My DS's 15 has horrible stretch marks on his back. Looks like he has been attacked by a tiger. Purple and livid. He noticed them himself in the bathroom and then looked them up online before he came to tell me.

He is very fair skinned and never goes in the pool or on the beach without a T shirt on. So no one will notice until he discovers girls and only hope by then they will have faded.....

specialsubject · 23/06/2015 12:45

there are no proven treatments for stretch marks so don't waste your money. they will either go or they won't, fancy oils and creams do nothing.

rash vests and board shorts look good and keep the sun off. Any woman that isn't interested in a male because of stretch marks is best kept out of the gene pool anyway. Tell him that!

Original poster

WankerDeAsalWipe · 23/06/2015 13:09

thanks specialist - that's what he has anyway :) Still no further forward on a holiday though. School breaks up on Friday but we don't go away until August. DH taking them away camping for few days next week but teenagers are hard I think for longer trips.

OP posts:

Boysarebackintown · 23/06/2015 13:41

Hi OP. my 15 year old has these too, he has just grown so quickly and I have explained to him they will fade with time. He is quite ok about his body at the moment though, like your son he does not really show it to us ...I happened to see them when I met him coming out of the bathroom and he had a towel around his waist. I think it's normal for a 14 yr old, there are so many emotions and pressures at this age. When you go away is it abroad to a hotel? You mention a pool? Could you choose somewhere with its own pool, finance depending? Or somewhere where a pool is shared with a smaller number of apartments. We have chosen something different this year because of DS, a holiday with some pool time but a place with stuff to do as well, and places to go to. Good luck with finding a holiday!

specialsubject · 23/06/2015 13:59

this is the same lesson in realistic body image that girls need.

you do NOT hide away because you have normal skin. (or even if you don't!)

lessons:

models are ill freaks
nobody's perfect
photos are retouched; NO-ONE LOOKS LIKE THAT
most skin creams do nothing (except sunscreen)

hunibuni · 23/06/2015 14:10

My DS has quite a few along his back and top of his arms but he is also one who chubs up a bit before stretching. He has followed the same pattern every year and is now 6'3. He had put on a bit of weight in May and has dropped it all within a month while going up 3 inches so it's hardly surprising. All the ones from previous years have faded so I would say these will too. He's 18 in a few weeks but GP is predicting a few more inches The one place that he hasn't had them is his legs but they are like tree trunks anyway

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