Not coping with DS14 think its me

[rainbowjoy]

on the whole ds14 is a good kid, never been in any real trouble but lately seems to be doing stuff that is making me feel really angry and disappointed. I found that he had downloaded GTA 5 onto his pc when he knows how much I hate this game, I found history of watching porn on his tablet, tried talking to him about it in the car thought he understood but no found more history yesterday a week after our chat. He was banned from playing games on pc and skyping his friends for a week and GTA removed (he is suffering) but we let him keep his tablet. Year 9 exam results are coming in and are well down on last year although he assures me average for class/year. Trouble is hiding my disappointment I seem to just shout at him over anything, school work, messy room, not doing anything, not wanting to do anything, and I'm like a dog with a bone I just go on and on. I can't listen to what he is trying to say I seem to expect perfection. its ruining any fun time we do have and I know I'm hurting him
I swing from thinking he needs really controlled parenting telling him what to do all the time to just letting him do want he wants which would be minimum school work, and all weekend online doing nothing else. I'm at a loss. Thanks for reading my rant.

Hi, I'm sure someone will be along shortly with some good advice, but I was just thinking the relationship obviously sounds strained at the moment.. Could you arrange to do something fun for the day and get away the two of you somewhere? Maybe to a theme park or somewhere he could pick and have a day of just fun and building the relationship back up between you?

This may help break the ice a little and maybe he will start listening more etc..?? Just an idea

I think you need to identify the deal breakers and let the other stuff go.

What you are doing isn't working so it's time to try something else.

At the moment he cares what you think and is hurting. You really don't want him to decide that he doesn't care what you think because he'll always be a disappointment to you anyway. That's how you end up with a completely unmanageable 16yo, two years down the line.

Personally I would insist on effort at school, agree a time limit for gaming and discuss the way you want him to contribute to family life, and not worry about the rest of it.

can you not put parental controls on your internet? if he's determined it won't stop him, but it will make it a bit harder for him.

I think it's time to let go, he may do things you disapprove of, like pay GTA or look at porn, but you can't and should nt control him. Stop checking up on him, it is nt necessary or helpful.